The night my daughter told me she wanted to kill herself was not an easy night. I drove her to the Emergency room that I used to work in, thinking they would care for her best. What I found was not true, and as a nurse and Nurse Practitioner I'm going to tell my story in hopes of making a change to the world I thought I loved, the world of nursing.
The night my daughter told me she wanted to kill herself was not an easy night. I drove her to the Emergency room that I used to work in, thinking they would care for her best. What I found was not true, and as a nurse and Nurse Practitioner, I'm going to tell my story in hopes of making a change to the world I thought I loved, the world of nursing.
I now want to leave the only thing I've ever known because I don't want to be associated with cold, judgmental nursing with cold punishing eyes. I didn't ask for my daughter to be so depressed that she couldn't find another solution. The cold look in your eyes at me and my daughter spoke volumes.
I hope you never are faced with this fear or with the overwhelming feeling of failure that I felt as a mother that night. Your job wasn't to pass judgement or to be so cold-hearted that my skin crawled. Your job, my sister, was to look at me and feel empathy and understanding. Your job, my fellow nurse, was to accept that I was in crisis and going through my routine was the glue holding me together. That included bringing my meals with me because, besides nursing, my life in fitness was the only thing that made sense to me and filled me with the same passion nursing used to.
Your cursing under your breath at the TV showed that you didn't see nursing as an art. To you, it was just a job that paid the bills. Your lack of compassion and not introducing yourself before you drew my daughter's blood showed me you thought my daughter was weak; while in my eyes, she is very strong because she reached out to me so she was able to get the help she needed.
And to you the nurse who said it looked like we were camping out. Did you consider not everyone lives the same lifestyle and some of us may need food because of our way of life? Did you notice I kept everything neat and then cleaned up before we left? Did you consider that I needed that food and water to keep me from falling apart? How do you know that it wasn't for my daughter who has food allergies? As far as my daughter's belongings we had hoped she was coming home with me and she did. But you made us put them in my car and she walked out in the lovely paper scrubs provided for her.
You didn't touch a life that night. Your lasting impression left me cold and disheartened for nursing. You left me embarrassed to tell others of the profession that I so dearly loved for so many years. If it's true nurses eat their young, it's also true that the nurse of today is not doing what the nurses of yesterday set out to do.
Yes, I realize that my daughter may have been your tenth suicidal patient of that particular shift or week. I also realize she may have been your first. Either way, she deserved understanding and gentleness in your care, not detachment and cursing and rude comments passed. I deserved professional courtesy and maybe a distracting conversation.
Again I pray that no one in your families suffers from such depression that they see no other way out. I hope that they go on to live beautiful productive lives. As my daughter will not because a nurse in the Emergency Department touched her life and changed it for the better but because her mother, also a nurse, never stopped looking at nursing as an art.
Specializes in cardiology, psychiatry, corrections.
I haven't even logged in on Allnurses in years, much less posted on any discussion board, but I felt compelled to post a reply. First of all, I am so sorry that you and your daughter had this type of experience. I have a teenaged daughter with some troubles and I pray that she never attempts or even contemplates suicide. Admittedly this is one of my biggest fears for her. I sincerely pray and hope that you are both doing better and getting the appropriate help.
I have been an RN for nine years, and I was a paramedic for twelve years prior to being a nurse. I have never worked in the ER as an RN and I most likely never will, partly due to a lot of ER nurses' attitudes like you, the OP, described. There is a hospital in the area with a reputation for rude ER staff, and I myself have even been hesitant in the past to seek care for myself and my children, even in their urgent care area.
I have taken many, many patients to ERs in the past: dead, half dead, urgent, or for BS reasons, and I understand that a lot of that gets old after so long. I hated getting frequent calls for intoxicated homeless people who just wanted somewhere to eat, sleep and stay warm or cool (depending on the time of season), drug seekers, lonely elderly people who have been sick for days and call 911 at 3 am because they can't sleep and want someone to talk to; septic, contracted, debilitated nursing home residents who aspirated Jevity, gasping for air and were found wearing a simple oxygen mask with only three liters per minute of o2 just to name a few. I get it. I know you're frustrated and burned out. But don't take that anger and frustration out on "ambulance drivers" and/or your patients. Nobody is forcing you to stay where you are. If you don't like it, leave. I have done so with other jobs and I couldn't have been happier.
OP, in an effort to make this thread more productive, can you give us some insight on what you would have changed about the experience? I don't mean like "I wish the nurse would have not cursed at the TV". I mean like, big picture, what do you imagine as how an ER visit for a patient such as your daughter should be? What do you think could have been more therapeutic from the nursing side (obviously they don't control things like medication orders or if someone gets admitted or discharged home)?
I'm so sorry you feel this way. EDs unfortunately tend to be understaffed. The nurses are rushed and may come off as cold or indifferent. They are NOT psych nurses. But one would hope they would make your daughter feel safer. As a reminder, you were not the patient so although you were her support, you weren't the nurses concern.
The paper scrubs are probably policy and for her safety and everyone else's. I'm surprised you were allowed food, too. That's again a safety issue with utensils, etc...
Psych is a specific kind of nurse that most of us can't do. I know I can't. So sorry you felt judged, but I'm thinking that might not have been the case.
Glad she reached out for help as depression and suicide sadly are all to real.I worked ER for many many years. Something is not right here. Every Nurse without exception was cold, heartless and rude. To say every nurse chose this very shift and patient and patient's mother to collectively be rude to. Really? Sorry not buying that for even a moment.
Perhaps there is just a little bit more to this. Would be interested in hearing the Nurses side. Sadly due to Hippa they can not tell their side of what happened.
Remember that our profession shows everyone who we are, feel sorry for this nurses' patients. Every time we take care of a patient, we are showing our team, manager and most importantly God above what kind of person we are on the inside. Let this nurse be, let her treat others the way she wants to be treated;she will see the results of her actions. I challenge you to leave this alone; I challenge you to learn from this and be the best APRN you can be--show fellow feeling, show empathetic care, and show love. We all took psychology, this nurse has had a hard life, and somewhere along the way, someone was not kind to her. Cat, continue to empathize with our patients.
Much love from your thousands peers to you and your daughter.
Sounds like they were short staffed and only had half a nurse really...maybe on autopilot.
The rise in suicide among children is very alarming!
Wonder if it has something to do with all the opioids and heroin out there. Just read the saddest thing about what has been coined opiate orphans, thousands and thousands of babies losing their parents to this and other chemicals. So sad. I bet there's a big thread on here about it.
I've heard about this '13' show or movie but don't know what it is. Just watching the news is depressing enough these days. Everything is so fired up especially this health care business! I so thought a woman named Hillary who'd already invested her time in health care for our children years ago as First Lady could've worked to fix things better than anyone. Oh well that's another long thread too I bet :-)
Sometimes a fake smile turns into a real smile, and sometimes it even spreads into laughter, the best medicine of all! There are many times a smile is in order in life in general and especially so in nursing! Smiles heal. Try it sometime when you're feeling down.
I think there's actually a physiological link between our brains and our facial muscles contracting in to an upward position!
I know I am not the only one who has ever forced a smile especially when you've been dealing with lots of sad stuff like in nursing. It doesn't make it fake. It's created by me and my will, or actually, by God's will and blessing, so it is as real as any other smile. Can I get a second on that emotion???
What does a smile have to do with excellent nursing care?
I am not following.
I think some people do need to realize that a neutral face is not a sad or angry face.
I can see both sides of this. I recently transferred out of the ER but during my time there I had several suicidal patients. Some times it was just a matter of time and having other patients and their pressing needs that was a distraction but checking in a suicidal patient takes quite a long time. I felt so torn at times and doing the best I could, sitting down with my patients, explaining the process they would experience in the ER, etc. I feel like I have made a difference in many patients' lives and they often tell me so...but I can't say that many psych patients have told me so. I feel like I extend the same compassion to them but I don't know that they or their families see what we're doing as helping them. While I commiserate with the mother in this post, I also wonder what attitude she expressed while in the ER. Was she judging each nurse's and tech's actions as they performed their duties. Did she try to put herself in their shoes and understand perhaps that nurse's back is hurting or that tech is going through a difficult situation at home...? It's easy to say someone is being judgmental...but saying so is in fact judging them!
Cat, I apologize for the nurses that didn't see the person.. it is the biggest peeve I have with nursing now, that dissociation.. people aren't tasks, protocols they are people. And I see less and less of that investment and compassion that used to be. Nursing isn't 9-5, it isn't black and white.. it's taking care of people at their most vulnerable , physically and emotionally.. I have found personally, it's not quality they want anymore it's quantity. I hope your daughter is ok , you as well.. I hope nursing swings back to where investment is involved
Cat, I apologize for the nurses that didn't see the person.. it is the biggest peeve I have with nursing now, that dissociation.. people aren't tasks, protocols they are people. And I see less and less of that investment and compassion that used to be.
First, I am so sorry to hear this. It is very sad.
Second, I have been through similar. I attempted suicide at age 16. My parents were divorcing, I am an only child and thought it was my fault. On top of that my childhood best friend had just committed suicide a few months prior. The medics and nurse made me feel even worse than I did at that moment. Making sarcastic comments to each other in front of me. It was heartbreaking.
Fast forward 22 years, last year of nursing school and out of the blue SI came back. I called my husband who is a medic and he took me to get help. That time was completely different. The doctors and nurses were very caring and helped me through it.
Please don't give up on the profession. For every one person that may not handle it well, there are still many many that will.
I hope you are are both doing ok and wish you all the best.
I am sorry but I don't think you do see 2 sides of this. Geez suicidal patients take so long, pulling me away from other patients.. if this were a diabetic in crisis or a cardiac patient in crisis would you be asking them or their families to consider whether or not you were having a hard day? No it's because the message you just sent was it was a toll on your time that was not equal to your other responsibilities.. crisis is crisis, it's not your job to determine which is justifiable for time and which is not.. a doctor once told me when the head is healthy then everything else follows.. remember that.. mental health is just as important as physical health..
DoubleblessedRN, ADN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-P
223 Posts
I haven't even logged in on Allnurses in years, much less posted on any discussion board, but I felt compelled to post a reply. First of all, I am so sorry that you and your daughter had this type of experience. I have a teenaged daughter with some troubles and I pray that she never attempts or even contemplates suicide. Admittedly this is one of my biggest fears for her. I sincerely pray and hope that you are both doing better and getting the appropriate help.
I have been an RN for nine years, and I was a paramedic for twelve years prior to being a nurse. I have never worked in the ER as an RN and I most likely never will, partly due to a lot of ER nurses' attitudes like you, the OP, described. There is a hospital in the area with a reputation for rude ER staff, and I myself have even been hesitant in the past to seek care for myself and my children, even in their urgent care area.
I have taken many, many patients to ERs in the past: dead, half dead, urgent, or for BS reasons, and I understand that a lot of that gets old after so long. I hated getting frequent calls for intoxicated homeless people who just wanted somewhere to eat, sleep and stay warm or cool (depending on the time of season), drug seekers, lonely elderly people who have been sick for days and call 911 at 3 am because they can't sleep and want someone to talk to; septic, contracted, debilitated nursing home residents who aspirated Jevity, gasping for air and were found wearing a simple oxygen mask with only three liters per minute of o2 just to name a few. I get it. I know you're frustrated and burned out. But don't take that anger and frustration out on "ambulance drivers" and/or your patients. Nobody is forcing you to stay where you are. If you don't like it, leave. I have done so with other jobs and I couldn't have been happier.