For Whom The Bell Tolls - page 2

by VivaLasViejas Guide

5,740 Views | 46 Comments

As my favorite author, Erma Bombeck, once said: "There is no way that your foot will ever get well as long as there is a horse standing on it." In my case, that means I won't get well until there is less stress in my life, and... Read More


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    My dear Viva, I am rendered mute with sorrow for your situation so eloquently expressed. The unappreciated toil of a well-loved career. Words fail me. An image of a champion thoroughbred suffering a race-ending injury brought on by the act of racing. Such a contrast to the thread by some nurse-newbie who is burnt out after 4 years. Good gravy, by all means take your little girl nurse fantasies and go work in your 9-5 M-F cubical with computers.

    Thank you CheesePotato for saying what I can't and offering a supportive shoulder. You too, have a way with words.
    Last edit by Mavrick on May 1, '13
    mc3, sharpeimom, GrnTea, and 3 others like this.
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    Life wouldn't be a journey without bumps in the road, personal or profeesional. Who knows what the future has in store for you! I hope you find some peace and resolve with whatever decision you make! Follow your instinct and don't look back!
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    Thank you for showing us your courage and sharing this very intense part of your life right now. I appreciate it.
    mc3, barbyann, and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    I've been in your shoes. It sucks. Do you still want this job even if you pass re-survey? It sounds like it's chewed you up! It's hard to let go and move on when there's less out there for you as an older nurse.
    "It not the letting go that is the problem, it the hanging on that hurts so much"
    I've hung on in the past because I feared what the future held for me. I too, have limitations and just seem to be wracking up more of them as I get older. I have landed on my feet each time. You will too.
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    Quote from CheesePotato
    No, Viva, your career is not over. Your time at this job is over. You are too brilliant not to persevere.

    Here is what I see: I see a wonderful person who is currently in a phase of grief. Life wasn't supposed to be this complicated. Things weren't supposed to work this way. As you have said, you planned to retire from this job. And when plans which we have carefully and painstakingly plotted fail to come to fruition, it is only natural that we mourn the loss of the ideal.

    It's perfectly okay and natural to be angry. It's not fair. Not even a little bit. You didn't ask for this, you sure as shoot didn't search for it, and yet it has so much power over every little thing.

    You are wounded, my friend, and rightfully so. You have suffered through a nasty few bruises to the ego.

    But I am going to challenge your perspective for just a moment. I want to know why it is okay for these couple of folks to set the bar for your self worth. I want you to ponder what gives them the right or the power to make you feel like a failure. Who are they to bring you so low?

    And what you detailed above is not a supportive work environment. To me, it sounds as if your managers are fluent in double speak as you cannot tell someone suffering from anxiety that you are understanding and then turn around and mention offhand that a failure to pass an inspection will result in termination. No, that's not applying any pressure. Not at all.

    It seems to me that although they were willing to accommodate medically necessary time away, they were not so willing to help you find a position that alleviated stress while tapping into your strengths and shielding you from the line of fire.

    Just sayin'.

    In summation:

    Things I know about you without ever meeting you:

    You are a loving person who is family focused. You are devoted to a fault, a bit of a perfectionist, and by and far your own worst critic. I'm willing to bet you hide behind your smiles and humor, making a bold face of an impervious mask, and yet you are sensitive to what is said and done around you. But you are a brilliant individual with a flair for self expression and a knack for making connections with people yet you are pensive and capable of great self reflection. You are special, unique, and important.

    Please let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are.

    Hugs and hopes that time may bring healing,

    ~~CP~~
    ^ Second THIS.

    A virtual ((HUG)) to you!!!!

    A change of scenery is in play. It may be an ending, yet it is a beginning.

    I am pretty much in the same position as well. I am starting my RN career. Although we are on two end if the spectrum, the challenges are pretty much similar. Your story Viva and CP response really touched my soul and my own battle within.

    I truly believe you, I, WE, and many others who are going through this similarly have PLENTY of miles left.

    Take a break, pamper yourself. Then consider your options. The nursing world is still your oyster!
    neverbethesame and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    If they aren't providing accomodations aren't they in the wrong?

    Still, I know the toll (pun intended) this has had on you and I have been where you are. It is extremely painful but after a while new possibilities arise (I'm not talking about MY stinking job either lol... spiritually this has been the best thing!)

    xoxo

    EDITED TO ADD:
    ps check out my new signature!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
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    More:

    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    What it all boiled down to, essentially, was that I'm nowhere near as good at my job as I thought I was.
    I remember when I went out on one job because I couldn't handle the depression I was going through. That DON had the nerve to call me lazy and disorganized. This to a nurse who was picking up the slack for the OTHER nurses who were lazy and disorganized, doing many extra monthly progress notes, and I mean MANY MANY - they were not doing them. I'm sure you were the same - picking up the slack. You were not singlehandedly able to make that ship sink Marla - you had HELP I am absolutely sure!

    Quote from Nascar nurse
    You hang in there and FIGHT!!! Not for the job but for YOU!!!
    amen!

    Quote from CheesePotato
    You are a loving person who is family focused. You are devoted to a fault, a bit of a perfectionist, and by and far your own worst critic. I'm willing to bet you hide behind your smiles and humor, making a bold face of an impervious mask, and yet you are sensitive to what is said and done around you. But you are a brilliant individual with a flair for self expression and a knack for making connections with people yet you are pensive and capable of great self reflection. You are special, unique, and important.

    Please let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are.

    Hugs and hopes that time may bring healing,

    ~~CP~~
    I absolutely agree w/ your assessment and I agree, "let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are."

    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    Thank you, and Welcome to Allnurses!!
    YES - Welcome!!
    neverbethesame and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    What Cheese Potato said......

    Succeeding in a toxic environment is difficult for anyone, and you have the additional gift of an illness to challenge you. Do not let these people define you. We all know how brilliant, warm, compassionate, and capable you are. You have a wealth of talent and you will find the right place. For now, take care of you.
    VivaLasViejas and neverbethesame like this.
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    Sometimes no matter how much we love a job or a place or a person they just don't love us back the same way. They don't see us with the same respect and appreciation we do them. Is this right? Is it wrong? Why don't they see us the same way we see them? We could spend our entire life trying to answer those questions and never succeed in getting a satisfying answer. What we do get is frustrated and hurt because, in the end, those jobs, places and people simply are not the right fit for us no matter how hard we try to make them love us back.

    What we do have to do is find that mutually respectful job, place or person. When we do no matter how rough things can get at times both sides are working towards the same mutually respectful and satisfying goal. However we can't allow our strength (or as I label it in myself stubborness) blind us to reality and realize when moving on is the best, most self respectful thing we can do. Man o man is that a hard lesson to learn and one personally I seem to have had to repeat a lot in my life.

    The universe is showing you that this particular job is no longer a mutually respectful relationship for you and that you must trust in God to put your feet on the right path. Maybe it is time (or past time) to find that work relationship that doesn't want to suck you dry, make you responsible for every blessed thing under the roof and simply do your work and leave it at the end of the day. You owe it to yourself to allow other possibilities into your life other than work to give you joy, satisfaction, respect and growth.

    You will not only survive but you will blossom in ways you have never imagined once you realize you deserve to work in a job that respects your human limitations. That job may or may not be in nursing per se but whatever form it may take so long as it is mutually respectful then it is the right place/right fit/right job for you Marla.
    Aurora77, Marshall1, VivaLasViejas, and 1 other like this.
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    The thing is if you quit on your own you're losing unemployment and I'm sure you need that benefit. They are hoping you quit because they don't want to pay out unemployment or worry about a lawsuit re disability discrimination. Worse case scenario could you get your dr to say your disabled and then you could apply for disability. At least you would have money coming in, but it is a long, slow process and many people are denied the first time and need a lawyer in order to succeed. It's about the only safety net we have left these days.

    Good Luck, I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
    sharpeimom, GrnTea, VivaLasViejas, and 1 other like this.


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