For Whom The Bell Tolls - page 2

As my favorite author, Erma Bombeck, once said: "There is no way that your foot will ever get well as long as there is a horse standing on it." In my case, that means I won't get well until there... Read More

  1. Visit  salvadordolly profile page
    3
    I've been in your shoes. It sucks. Do you still want this job even if you pass re-survey? It sounds like it's chewed you up! It's hard to let go and move on when there's less out there for you as an older nurse.
    "It not the letting go that is the problem, it the hanging on that hurts so much"
    I've hung on in the past because I feared what the future held for me. I too, have limitations and just seem to be wracking up more of them as I get older. I have landed on my feet each time. You will too.
  2. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    2
    Quote from CheesePotato
    No, Viva, your career is not over. Your time at this job is over. You are too brilliant not to persevere.

    Here is what I see: I see a wonderful person who is currently in a phase of grief. Life wasn't supposed to be this complicated. Things weren't supposed to work this way. As you have said, you planned to retire from this job. And when plans which we have carefully and painstakingly plotted fail to come to fruition, it is only natural that we mourn the loss of the ideal.

    It's perfectly okay and natural to be angry. It's not fair. Not even a little bit. You didn't ask for this, you sure as shoot didn't search for it, and yet it has so much power over every little thing.

    You are wounded, my friend, and rightfully so. You have suffered through a nasty few bruises to the ego.

    But I am going to challenge your perspective for just a moment. I want to know why it is okay for these couple of folks to set the bar for your self worth. I want you to ponder what gives them the right or the power to make you feel like a failure. Who are they to bring you so low?

    And what you detailed above is not a supportive work environment. To me, it sounds as if your managers are fluent in double speak as you cannot tell someone suffering from anxiety that you are understanding and then turn around and mention offhand that a failure to pass an inspection will result in termination. No, that's not applying any pressure. Not at all.

    It seems to me that although they were willing to accommodate medically necessary time away, they were not so willing to help you find a position that alleviated stress while tapping into your strengths and shielding you from the line of fire.

    Just sayin'.

    In summation:

    Things I know about you without ever meeting you:

    You are a loving person who is family focused. You are devoted to a fault, a bit of a perfectionist, and by and far your own worst critic. I'm willing to bet you hide behind your smiles and humor, making a bold face of an impervious mask, and yet you are sensitive to what is said and done around you. But you are a brilliant individual with a flair for self expression and a knack for making connections with people yet you are pensive and capable of great self reflection. You are special, unique, and important.

    Please let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are.

    Hugs and hopes that time may bring healing,

    ~~CP~~
    ^ Second THIS.

    A virtual ((HUG)) to you!!!!

    A change of scenery is in play. It may be an ending, yet it is a beginning.

    I am pretty much in the same position as well. I am starting my RN career. Although we are on two end if the spectrum, the challenges are pretty much similar. Your story Viva and CP response really touched my soul and my own battle within.

    I truly believe you, I, WE, and many others who are going through this similarly have PLENTY of miles left.

    Take a break, pamper yourself. Then consider your options. The nursing world is still your oyster!
    neverbethesame and VivaLasViejas like this.
  3. Visit  Liddle Noodnik profile page
    1
    If they aren't providing accomodations aren't they in the wrong?

    Still, I know the toll (pun intended) this has had on you and I have been where you are. It is extremely painful but after a while new possibilities arise (I'm not talking about MY stinking job either lol... spiritually this has been the best thing!)

    xoxo

    EDITED TO ADD:
    ps check out my new signature!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
  4. Visit  Liddle Noodnik profile page
    2
    More:

    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    What it all boiled down to, essentially, was that I'm nowhere near as good at my job as I thought I was.
    I remember when I went out on one job because I couldn't handle the depression I was going through. That DON had the nerve to call me lazy and disorganized. This to a nurse who was picking up the slack for the OTHER nurses who were lazy and disorganized, doing many extra monthly progress notes, and I mean MANY MANY - they were not doing them. I'm sure you were the same - picking up the slack. You were not singlehandedly able to make that ship sink Marla - you had HELP I am absolutely sure!

    Quote from Nascar nurse
    You hang in there and FIGHT!!! Not for the job but for YOU!!!
    amen!

    Quote from CheesePotato
    You are a loving person who is family focused. You are devoted to a fault, a bit of a perfectionist, and by and far your own worst critic. I'm willing to bet you hide behind your smiles and humor, making a bold face of an impervious mask, and yet you are sensitive to what is said and done around you. But you are a brilliant individual with a flair for self expression and a knack for making connections with people yet you are pensive and capable of great self reflection. You are special, unique, and important.

    Please let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are.

    Hugs and hopes that time may bring healing,

    ~~CP~~
    I absolutely agree w/ your assessment and I agree, "let today be the last time you apologize for being who you are."

    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    Thank you, and Welcome to Allnurses!!
    YES - Welcome!!
    neverbethesame and VivaLasViejas like this.
  5. Visit  BCgradnurse profile page
    2
    What Cheese Potato said......

    Succeeding in a toxic environment is difficult for anyone, and you have the additional gift of an illness to challenge you. Do not let these people define you. We all know how brilliant, warm, compassionate, and capable you are. You have a wealth of talent and you will find the right place. For now, take care of you.
    VivaLasViejas and neverbethesame like this.
  6. Visit  txredheadnurse profile page
    4
    Sometimes no matter how much we love a job or a place or a person they just don't love us back the same way. They don't see us with the same respect and appreciation we do them. Is this right? Is it wrong? Why don't they see us the same way we see them? We could spend our entire life trying to answer those questions and never succeed in getting a satisfying answer. What we do get is frustrated and hurt because, in the end, those jobs, places and people simply are not the right fit for us no matter how hard we try to make them love us back.

    What we do have to do is find that mutually respectful job, place or person. When we do no matter how rough things can get at times both sides are working towards the same mutually respectful and satisfying goal. However we can't allow our strength (or as I label it in myself stubborness) blind us to reality and realize when moving on is the best, most self respectful thing we can do. Man o man is that a hard lesson to learn and one personally I seem to have had to repeat a lot in my life.

    The universe is showing you that this particular job is no longer a mutually respectful relationship for you and that you must trust in God to put your feet on the right path. Maybe it is time (or past time) to find that work relationship that doesn't want to suck you dry, make you responsible for every blessed thing under the roof and simply do your work and leave it at the end of the day. You owe it to yourself to allow other possibilities into your life other than work to give you joy, satisfaction, respect and growth.

    You will not only survive but you will blossom in ways you have never imagined once you realize you deserve to work in a job that respects your human limitations. That job may or may not be in nursing per se but whatever form it may take so long as it is mutually respectful then it is the right place/right fit/right job for you Marla.
    Aurora77, Marshall1, VivaLasViejas, and 1 other like this.
  7. Visit  brandy1017 profile page
    4
    The thing is if you quit on your own you're losing unemployment and I'm sure you need that benefit. They are hoping you quit because they don't want to pay out unemployment or worry about a lawsuit re disability discrimination. Worse case scenario could you get your dr to say your disabled and then you could apply for disability. At least you would have money coming in, but it is a long, slow process and many people are denied the first time and need a lawyer in order to succeed. It's about the only safety net we have left these days.

    Good Luck, I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
    sharpeimom, GrnTea, VivaLasViejas, and 1 other like this.
  8. Visit  Esme12 profile page
    4
    I say take that last great act of defiance, turn and fight and declare an accommodation under the ADA. They are just gently easing you out the door and making you apologize for it....while I lost my fight for accommodation (although I got severance) and could not find any one who wanted a nurse with wheels......doesn't mean you can't.

    You are a great nurse! You are a great person! I want to see someone win! I want to see you win......((HUGS)) dear friend
    nrsang97, sharpeimom, Marshall1, and 1 other like this.
  9. Visit  Liddle Noodnik profile page
    4
    Quote from Esme12
    I say take that last great act of defiance, turn and fight and declare an accommodation under the ADA. They are just gently easing you out the door and making you apologize for it....while I lost my fight for accommodation (although I got severance) and could not find any one who wanted a nurse with wheels......doesn't mean you can't.

    You are a great nurse! You are a great person! I want to see someone win! I want to see you win......((HUGS)) dear friend
    hear hear to all of the above!
    sharpeimom, Marshall1, Esme12, and 1 other like this.
  10. Visit  VivaLasViejas profile page
    4
    Quote from Esme12
    I say take that last great act of defiance, turn and fight and declare an accommodation under the ADA. They are just gently easing you out the door and making you apologize for it....while I lost my fight for accommodation (although I got severance) and could not find any one who wanted a nurse with wheels......doesn't mean you can't.

    You are a great nurse! You are a great person! I want to see someone win! I want to see you win......((HUGS)) dear friend
    Awwww.......


    You know, now that I've had a couple days to mull things over, I think I'm going to be OK. My family has told me that it doesn't matter to them if I don't make as much money and we have to downsize, move to a less desireable area, and/or give up some of our luxuries (not that they are many). That pressure has always been with me---mostly because I put it on myself as the only breadwinner---and to have it lifted makes it so much easier to do what I must to preserve my sanity.

    I think I may have found at least a short-term solution to the dilemma that would keep me in nursing and yet be far less stressful. Our sister facility across town has an opening for a part-time RN to oversee their 26-bed memory care unit; it's essentially the same job I've been doing but I wouldn't be management, and I'd be hourly so I'd get paid for every minute I'm in the building. I've worked in that unit before as a consultant, I know the building well, and while I'm not wild about memory care, at least the doors lock........heck, I already manage a memory care unit, only we're not licensed for that and the residents can wander out the door and have pets they can't take care of!

    The main disadvantage here is knowing that the entire company is aware of my 'nonconformity' as it were, and they may not want to take another chance with me. There is also the issue of staffing: if someone called in on noc shift, I might have to cover it, and working nights is problematic as both my doctor and my family have forbidden it due to the likelihood that I'll decompensate.

    Thing is, I'm still capable of doing this type of work, and with a maximum of 26 residents as opposed to 80+ I can probably do it well. They wouldn't really even have to train me, except on the regs which have a few differences from ALF. And I wouldn't lose seniority or health insurance, though as a part-timer I'd have to pay some of the cost (I currently get it for myself for free).

    I haven't decided anything yet, except for the fact that I am going to leave my current position. Last night I tried to write my resignation letter and got all bogged down in mushy tears; I STILL don't want to go, but I know that I cannot stay where I am or I will be bat-guano crazy within weeks, if not sooner. I stayed home today because I just could NOT wrap my mind around going in feeling so fragile; I'm going to try tomorrow because I've made my decision and there's no reason to keep people hanging any longer than necessary.

    Thank you, one and all, for your support during this incredibly difficult time. You have helped start me on the road to healing, and it means more than you can ever know.
    silverbat, sharpeimom, Marshall1, and 1 other like this.
  11. Visit  GrnTea profile page
    5
    See? I have found more than once that getting screwed out of a job I loved was, in retrospect (and not very dang long retrospect, at that) the best thing that could have happened to me. So here. Chin up. You got this.

    Last edit by GrnTea on May 1, '13 : Reason: Friend request
  12. Visit  Marshall1 profile page
    1
    "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"...... Please try to remember what looks like an ending is also a beginning..the facilities inability to see that the failure of passing survey is more than just you is something they WILL see in the next few months. Give your notice. Be the one who resigns, not the one who is terminated. Many, many times in life, we are forced into situations where, if we are honest, we know we have had "warnings" along the way...another quote I like it is
    ""When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly"
    You can do this..you are an incredible asset to an employer - maybe look into working in mental health or with a council on aging or another LTC...your options are not as limited as they may seem now. We are rooting for you!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
  13. Visit  Spidey's mom profile page
    2
    We need hospice nurses!!!!! And maybe a manager!

    (I'm not going to add anything else because everyone who has posted has done a superb job!)
    SoldierNurse22 and VivaLasViejas like this.

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