RNinRecovery*Help! - page 2

Hello, I am new to this forum. I am seeking support from other nurses in recovery. I am feeling really down lately, hopeless..trying to cope with first year in my state's alternative to discipline... Read More

  1. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    I cluster the meetings also. I have an afternoon meeting once a week at work which is simply horrible but hey it's on my lunch hour. I have to do one more meeting per week & I either pick a 7AM meeting and show up a little late for work or something else that fits into my life. I only pick meetings based on my convenience not what I get out of them. I never miss my weekly support group meeting because I don't want to give these monitoring folks an excuse to mess with me even more than they are. That makes three meetings per week with as minimal impact on my life as humanly possible. I pay my penance and "give to Caesar" his due but honestly get nothing but annoyed from my interaction with any of it. I think not being there of my own accord has much to do with this. Before mandatory attendance I was attending AA on my own and looking for meaning in it & now its just another task I have to do to keep my job. Anyway, here's hoping that you find meaning and purpose in all this. As for me, I'd rather die drunk in a dumpster than go to another 12 step meeting.
  2. by   Liza42
    You made me laugh out load in a very quiet bank teller line! Please don't die drunk in a dumpster! I enjoy your posts too much! Seriously, it's very helpful...i was wondering if I was a hopeless case cuz I have many of the same thoughts. Being forced to do 12-step makes it seem so counter productive...at least for me. I know it works for so many...i will keep going of course and I did find a sponsor and at least one meeting that I really like. I will definately try to cluster the others. My monitoring program requires 1 peer group meeting and 4 other on top of that, 3 of which must be 12step. One of the 4 can be online or a program like SMART Rec. One also must be a womens meeting. Then the 2 therapist sessions (for the first 2/5 years) It makes my head spin! SMART recovery looks interesting and there is a meeting near me. Any experience with it? Thanks again!
  3. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    I would love to try Smart Recovery but beautiful, metropolitan Pittsburgh offers none. According to by web research (which admittedly is sometimes flawed) the closest on to me is about 40 miles away and I'm not curious enough for an 80 mile roundtrip
  4. by   Liza42
    Are you required to get a sponsor? It is part of our contract. We have to fill out their first name as part of our quarterly self assessment paperwork. Where it is ANONYMOUS...it seems sort of silly...
  5. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    Oh yeah my poor sponsor. Nice guy!!! We almost never speak but he's there if I need him I guess
  6. by   catsmeow1972
    Smart recovery seems to make sense as it teaches actual recovery techniques from addictive behaviors as opposed to adherence to the ramblings of some guy from nearly a century ago. It also espouses change as new research comes about. To me it sou d's like what these programs should be pushing instead of forcing people into a "voluntary" program. But remember 'evidenced based only when convenient "
  7. by   Danielle3
    Get out of your head as best you can. I was 4 mos sober from ETOH when I got a dui for pot.
    I had my last drink 9/2016. Because I admitted to my alcoholism, have 15 mos without alcohol, quit drinking on my own without any requests, " they "
    still consider me early in recovery. I Really do not think it would be beneficial for me to "join" this program. The anxiety, financial obligation, I just want to be a Nurse and continue in my life of sobriety. I Never had any problems related to the job, It makes me nausea to even think about this travesty, attack on my personal liberties. How dare the BON do this and get away with it! Shame...
  8. by   rn1965
    Quote from Liza42
    Hello, I am new to this forum. I am seeking support from other nurses in recovery. I am feeling really down lately, hopeless..trying to cope with first year in my state's alternative to discipline program. The shame, guilt, and isolation that comes with addiction is weighing me down more than ever lately...I am 9 months clean this month. I attend both NA and AA and have recently found a sponsor. I should feel proud of myself but I just keep beating myself up. I am struggling with asking for help in person at meetings and over the phone; intense social anxiety!* Please help ...i feel so alone and overwhelmed. Any response is greatly appreciated,* private or in this thread....THANK YOU💞liza
    Hang in there, Liza. In my personal experience, it took a great deal of time for me to overcome the guilt and shame. Now, trying to get my license reissued, it comes back at me a bit, and I am 12.5 years sober. As hard as it is, talk to your sponsor and others about your feelings. Do not let them (feelings) become a weight that makes you do something you will regret (to yourself/sobriety).

    I know that I am an alcoholic/addict, so the meetings do help me. I had to kiss many toads (meetings) before I found a couple meetings that I felt comfortable in and wanted to attend. I have the pleasure of being non-Christian (gasp!) in a world of AA/NA. Luckily, I found meetings that are designed for people like me in mind.

    Find what works for you, talk to those of us in this forum, and keep your head up! Keep telling yourself there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I wish you all the best!

  9. by   Wizard 1
    You are in the right place. I have social anxiety too, so I get the nervous part. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Many of us have been, and still are, going through similar challenges in and out of monitoring, that you are. There were days and weeks on end that looked pretty dark. What got me through was stubborn determination, staying clean no matter what came down the pike, focusing on the one moment in time right then that I had to get through...and the people on this forum that had my back. I also made it a point to be grateful for what I had learned and to help others as much as I could.

    And: A decision that I was going to get through this, no matter what the monitoring people or the Board of Nursing said or did. No way was I going to give them the opportunity of failing me or denying me licensure. No matter how bad I felt.
  10. by   Oogie
    Teaching yourself how to change your perspective and to be "your own best friend 1st" is a process. I work on it daily and learn new things daily. It comes from being aware of how you are truly treating yourself. examples being if I make a mistake instead of berating myself "Oh how could I be so stupid", try "oh I missed that, I'll make a note to self to watch a little closer" a simple change of perspective and how I choose to treat myself. You are right that PEOPLE look for the quick fix, instant gratification, not just addicts. Change is gradual. For me, I started by treating myself like I treat my patients! With kindness, respect, compassion that I need for my emotional well being. Now about meetings, they say take what you need and leave the rest. I take a little signature on my card, and leave the rest. I sit quietly in the back of the room and meditate. I tried being involved, sharing, sponsoring, didn't work for me, added stress I did not need for my emotional well being. When I've served my sentence I will not return to them. This works for me, hope you find what works for you. Peace
  11. by   tiffpritRN
    How are you doing Liza? Hang in there. Vent on this forum, meditate, whatever helps you ... I haven't gotten my board order yet but when I do I know I will be on here venting . We are basically all in the same boat. Good luck and best wishes!
  12. by   Recovering_RN
    About being required to get a sponsor...yes, my program also required that. However, st the time I wasn't feeling comfortable at all in the 12 step rooms, and in no way would I have wanted to approach someone in those rooms to be my sponsor, to get even more into my personal business than the counselors at IOP and my caseworker at TPAPN already had! So what I did was talk to a friend who had been through TPAPN a few years earlier. She was a lifesaver, totally understood the embarrassment, humiliation, stress etc I was going through! I spent a lot of time on the phone with her & she agreed to be my "sponsor". After all, she was no longer in TPAPN but while she was, she learned all the AA 12 steps etc, so I knew if for some reason the monitoring gods ended up requiring her to speak on my behalf or write a letter or whatever, she'd know enough of the lingo to do so. But in reality her activities as "sponsor" were just to answer my TPAPN questions or listen to me vent or stress out, 99% of our communication is by text. She's never had to do anything and I've had to put her name on my monthly reports, but just her first name, and seriously, it's supposed to be anonymous so could they really require her full name? And in the beginning I really did try to learn all about the 12 steps, (before I got to creeped out by the cult like vibes), so I read the Big Book, I learned the steps, and I could actually answer the question on my monthly self report form "which step are you working" because I knew enough about them from the readings I did and the meetings that I knew what each one entailed and how long most people generally take to work through them. But no, I did not "work the steps" with a sponsor. I had no desire to spill my guts even more to a stranger!
  13. by   catsmeow1972
    Nothing in my contract states that I must have a sponsor but the quarterly self report asks if I do and how many times a week I see them. As the contract does not address it, I do not answer those questions. The contract stipulates attendance at meetings and the keeping of a meeting log, which I do. They say I must go. It does not say I must participate. So I go. I warm a chair until I can't take it anymore, then I leave. I attend and participate in a single meeting that is germane to my mental health issue. The others, I merely take up space. I zone out or I read or play cards on my phone.
    I never did understand what "working the steps" even meant (back when I was getting drug/alcohol rehab stuff rammed down my throat at the expense of my mental health needs and my family's retirement.) Also how is it any programs business as to what goes on between ones sponsor and you.