Fear of interviewing for a job

  1. Hi all,

    i have posted in this forum before. I am now one year sober from opiate abuse. I did not divert as I had a physician that was liberal with prescriptions. A year later I can really see how twisted my thinking and behavior was a year ago. I was found impaired at work, was not fired but sent to TPAPN. I went to inpatient rehab and 6 weeks of IOP. I decided to resign and take time off to get well. My license is clear and active. The problem is that I need to get work in order to complete TPAPN. I still feel a lot of shame and can't bring myself to face interviewing for a job, explaining my situation. I don't even talk to any of my friends from shame and embarrassment. I see a counselor twice a month that specializes in addiction. I was just wondering if any one else's had similar feelings and how they dealt with it. I am an addict who is still so ashamed. Thanks for listening.
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    About RNMSN51, MSN

    Joined: Jun '13; Posts: 76; Likes: 72
    from US
    Specialty: 25 year(s) of experience in Na


  3. by   Big Blondie
    I found that being honest without telling where you hid the bodies is best! Kidding...really, focus on your skills, acknowledge you had a problem and focus on what you have done to get your life and career in order. If you arent charged with a practice violation say so. Highlight your positive nature and let them know how it will help others in the workplace. Let them know that any applicant can have same or worse issues, but may not be forthright. Interview somewhere you dont really want to work first for a practice run. You can decline the offer if it doesnt suit you. You can do it!
  4. by   HunnieBadger
    MSN I know and understand the shame you speak of all too well. I have been very selective as to whom I've told so far. It's not because I'm in denial with my addiction but because of the way that society treats addicts.
    My first interview was with a private practice physician, I felt like I was going to vomit at any second (the coffee I had pre-interview didn't help!) But after that first interview and the kindness I was shown I felt better about the interview process and how to explain my transgressions.
    I came to see that the fears in my head were exactly that, only in my head! I also came to see that not everyone judges us for our past mistakes, but for what we have done to correct them.
    I am now 7 months employed and 1 year and change sober. It's not my dream job and I never imagined myself in dialysis, EVER! But I am where I need to be and making the best of it all. Someday I will be able to go back to trauma, maybe, but for now I am blessed to be employed and forgiven by those I've wronged due to my illness.
    Best advice is to pick up the bike you fell off of and start peddling you heart out!
  5. by   Oogie
    Hi MSN, After reading your post I wondered. Have you forgiven yourself? Really forgiven yourself for being human and making a mistake. It took me a long time to do this which was actually my 1st step to recovery. Facing myself and finding peace in my heart with my past was the key for me to crawl out of the hole I found myself in. Go easy on yourself, Look in the mirror and say " I LOVE YOU" to the person you see and mean it! You (I) had to start by being my own best friend.... Keep posting... Peace
  6. by   Twoyearnurse
    Agreed about forgiving ourselves! I am not there yet. I've told my family and a handful of my nursing friends, I've even been offered two jobs by nursing managers who are current on my situation even to the extent that they know I havent gone before the board yet. Not one person in my life feels that anything has changed about me-they feel/know that I became very very sick. Simply because THEY love me doesn't mean I love me. We create out own spiritual prison. It's the leap between knowing I would accept someone else doing what I've done and accepting myself. I am assured we all get there in time. The outpouring of love and acceptance is amazing when you open yourself up to it.
  7. by   Earthmama
    If there is one thing I've learned in recovery, it is that I am no better or no worse than anybody else. We all have our own struggles, we all have our own demons and we can all slip and fall at any time. Even though it is still VERY hard, when I go into an interview I remind myself that I am not less of a person or less of a nurse than my interviewer. She's just a person, just like me. And when I get down on myself and start to live in that shame and guilt, I think about what I'm doing now - as should you. You had an opiate addiction, you sought treatment, you go to counseling, you're attending meetings - all things that require serious work on yourself. You're asking the hard questions and finding the right answers. You're suiting up, showing up and not giving up. And there's honor and there's dignity in that. How many people who aren't in our position can honestly say that? My past is my past, and as much as I hate it, I am also grateful for it. Because without my struggles, I never would have found my strength. Hold your head up, you got this.
  8. by   TXRNC
    Can't change the Past
    But,I am Forgiven
    Where I Live NOW
    Can't Prediict the Future,
    but GOD knows
  9. by   Ahseepnwithpassion
    Ooh wee, you are all so on point, being in this process and at the beginning stages, your comments help. I thank you. I go to a meeting and then check out nurse recovery on this site, and I see God working. I ask God to take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, and show me how to live. Get on my knees interview or not, if I bond with God and some women and men who are like me all will be well. God bless us all, and to the colleague posting, prayers of hope going up for finding your fit in your process!
  10. by   VivaLasViejas
    I feel for you, MSN. (((((HUGS))))) I know how hard it is to forgive oneself; it took me about five years of sobriety before I finally quit flagellating myself for the harm I'd done in my drinking days. Then last fall I had a brief relapse after almost 22 years sober---I didn't drink, but I did overdose on Ativan. It wasn't a suicide attempt, merely an effort to numb myself to the pain in my life at the time. But it scared the daylights out of my family, and I was aghast at what I'd done once the aftereffects had worn off.

    Fortunately, this time I had some arrows in my quiver that I didn't have back when I first got sober. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful spiritual counselor and an even more amazing psychiatrist, both of whom were there for me when I felt so very ashamed. Their message was that since God had already forgiven me and my loved ones had already forgiven me, failing to forgive myself was in a sense a rejection of their forgiveness. And as far as they were concerned, the matter was over and done, and each day forward would bring a new opportunity for me to choose sobriety.

    So now I've been sober again for four months and 24 days. It's a far cry from the 21 years and 9 months I was sober before, but that's four months and 24 days without giving in to the urge to violate abstinence. Just think, you've got me beat! But because you are seeing a counselor, yet still fighting shame over something you no longer do, I would suggest that you consider either changing counselors or seeing an actual doctor who specializes in addiction issues. If you have a priest or minister, their advice can also be helpful. Even a 12-step group, if you're not involved with one, would be much better than what you've got going now. And above all, stay away from ANYONE who puts you down or makes you feel guilty---this is like rubbing salt in a wound. Toxic people don't belong in your life.

    Beating yourself up is not only self-defeating, it can threaten your recovery. I know when I get those old twinges of shame, it leads my mind down paths that are best left unexplored, and I think that's true of all addicts. It's built into us. But we can choose to NOT be victims of our own self-inflicted punishment.

    Wishing you the very best for continuing recovery. I hope you find the help you need; it can literally save your life.
  11. by   Twoyearnurse
    Oh viva! That was worded perfectly. I never thought about not forgiving oneself as a rejection of others forgiveness. That is amazing and I hope you don't mind me sharing that with others.
  12. by   VivaLasViejas
    Share it with whomever you like. My psychiatrist is a brilliant and deeply compassionate man. I wish everyone had a doctor like him. And my priest literally glows with joy in the Lord, and his counsel is wise despite the fact that he's all of 33 years old. I am indeed blessed.