Why are nurses such back-stabbers? - page 4

Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some... Read More

  1. by   Epona
    Here's some advice for you that may work. It dawned on me while I was reading this, why haven't more people tattled on me or been ugly toward me in my past professional career??? I believe it was because I did not "get involved." I did my job, was friendly, yet professional. I have not made many friends at work places over the years, but the ones I did make, have been great friends. I think you can weed out those who are caddy and those who are geninue people. At least I have been lucky at that so far. And talk about a back-stabbing profession, Broadcasting and Media is certainly one of them... I really never had a problem or at least if there was talk about me, it never got back to me. And TV can be one cruel business.

    Stay focused, be friendly yet professional and BE CAREFUL who you take on as a real friends.

    Happy holidays!! Epona

    :icon_cool:
  2. by   Ruby Vee
    [font="comic sans ms"]i learned years ago that you elicit the responses you get.

    i find it truly saddening and disappointing that nursing, predominately a female profession harbors such negative stereotypes against women. it truly amazes me how few of our members seem to actually like nurses, or to like women. it is small wonder that many nurses are having negative experiences with their co-workers. it seems that few nrses really like their co-workers, their profession or their gender. how sad that someone would have a negative experience with a co-worker (which that person may or may not have contributed to with an "off the cuff remark") and then generalize against an entire gender and most of a profession!
  3. by   Sylv
    Quote from ruby vee
    i learned years ago that you elicit the responses you get.

    not necessarily.

    for instance, i recently encountered one witch of an rn that follows my shift, who either snubs people or verbally attacks out of the blue.

    there are some really dysfunctional people out there and they are not all on the other side of the bed.
  4. by   Jo Dirt
    I've learned that females (and males can be included) who are prone to juvenile, resentful, bratty behavior usually don't lose it with age. I never understood it, myself. Why does it make them feel good to pull others down?
    Bad character flaws these people have.
  5. by   StNeotser
    Quote from ruby vee
    [font="comic sans ms"]i learned years ago that you elicit the responses you get.

    i find it truly saddening and disappointing that nursing, predominately a female profession harbors such negative stereotypes against women. it truly amazes me how few of our members seem to actually like nurses, or to like women. it is small wonder that many nurses are having negative experiences with their co-workers. it seems that few nrses really like their co-workers, their profession or their gender. how sad that someone would have a negative experience with a co-worker (which that person may or may not have contributed to with an "off the cuff remark") and then generalize against an entire gender and most of a profession!

    agreed.

    if one looks at the world in general, notice how much more aggression is elicited by men. look at who starts wars. look at how many more males are in prison than females. look at women more positively people, please. after all, i'm sure you were all brought up by one.

    this isn't meant to upset the men reading by the way, i'm just trying to restore some balance back to this thread. some men are bad, so are some women. but the gender stereotyping in this thread is disgusting.
  6. by   guyk100
    Quote from nurse-lou
    Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some nurses who feel superior when they tell on someone to the manager? This recently happened to me and I thought I had a good rapport with my co-workers yet one of them ratted me out to the boss on an off-the-cuff remark that I made. Why does this happen? Is it because the majority of nurses are women and women are catty individuals. I'm a woman btw. From now on though, I am just going to do my work, and only talk to the other nurses/aides about clinically relevant stuff only. Other than that, I'll keep my nose in a book. Actually, I won't be working at this current place much longer. There are staffing issues that put my license in jeoprady so I am starting a job hunt after the holidays.

    So, why do we do this to eachother?
    You are right that nursing is a female dominated field & females are the biggist back stabbers. A instructed told me this.

    Male dominated fields males usually cover for their own: Police cover up for their partners, Doctors usually cover for their own!!
    If you think of other male dominated fields most of them cover their own!!
  7. by   Midwest4me
    Quote from nurse-lou
    From now on though, I am just going to do my work, and only talk to the other nurses/aides about clinically relevant stuff only. Other than that, I'll keep my nose in a book.
    Yes, it bothers me a whole lot too---I think it's a gender thing as I haven't seen it much among male nurses. However, the talking to others only about "clinically relevant stuff" and keeping your nose "in a book" can and probably STILL will be fuel for the backstabbers...(i.e., "oh look she's antisocial now" realm of thinking). If someone has a problem with you for ANY reason, he/she will find something to complain about.:angryfire
    Good for you for pursuing another job---especially if there are issues that place your license in jeopardy. The best of luck to you!
  8. by   UM Review RN
    Quote from ruby vee
    i learned years ago that you elicit the responses you get.

    i find it truly saddening and disappointing that nursing, predominately a female profession harbors such negative stereotypes against women. it truly amazes me how few of our members seem to actually like nurses, or to like women. it is small wonder that many nurses are having negative experiences with their co-workers. it seems that few nrses really like their co-workers, their profession or their gender. how sad that someone would have a negative experience with a co-worker (which that person may or may not have contributed to with an "off the cuff remark") and then generalize against an entire gender and most of a profession!

    i don't know about that. i like most people and get along well with most people. i'm a live-and-let-live kinda gal.

    in my case, i was overhearing from a different area, and they were nurses that i didn't know all that well. i was truly shocked. some truly horrible things were said about other coworkers, accusations and judgments that made me sick to my stomach. i finally had to get up and walk through the group just to go to the bathroom and get some fresh air.

    and guess what, this was not an isolated experience.

    people--all people, not just nurses--need to realize that they talk too darned much about things and people that are not their business, and imo, that's the root of the problem. too many people simply don't have the mind or the manners to just shut up if they cannot say anything nice.



    ok, off the soapbox now. thanks for letting me get that out of my system, because it was really bugging me.
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Dec 16, '06
  9. by   LDK6294
    Hi to all who have contributed to this topic --
    Here's the thing; having talked this over with a psychologist, it was put to me this way: IF you, as a conscientious, ethical, worker do all you can in a given day to provide the best possible care within the scope of your responsibilities, then you set an example of doing the right thing. Often, others notice that you are doing what they themselves are not, whether that includes taking an extra few seconds to calm someone in pain, or listen to a concerned family member, it only highlights to the observing co-worker the things they realize they should also be doing. Perhaps they've remarked to you that 'patient so-and-so is very difficult' but then see said patient respond warmly to you because of your extra effort and little bit of attention. That sets up some uncomfortable feelings in the co-worker; it requires reassessment of their own skills and abilities.
    Face it, none of us like to look in the mirror and see warts. So what is easier? Instead of making changes internally, striking out by way of high-school type behavior is a tried and true defense mechanism that frankly, quite a few people resort to. It isn't an answer, it isn't mature, and it usually sets up an uncomfortable environment for all involved; sometimes (in the case of a LTC setting) even patients get involved in these mini-dramas. This is only an explanation as to the why of it; how to 'change' how nurses and other health-care professions treat each other belongs to each and every one, it comes from within. Recognizing that others may feel threatened by someone modeling behavior in a higher standard goes a long way to diffusing a sense of "What's their problem?".
    Their 'problem' is just that; THEIR problem. So what if the perception is that a nurse is 'snooty' because they refuse to associate with juvenile behavior? Again, it only holds a mirror up to their own inadequecies. This applies to all careers, male and female. It may feel like it's just in nursing, but as others have already attested, it's everywhere. Listen to the lyrics in a song called "High school never ends" by a group called Bowling for Soup. It's spot on.
    Life is what you make of it. Cheers!
  10. by   Tweety
    Quote from Sylv
    Not necessarily.

    For instance, I recently encountered one witch of an RN that follows my shift, who either snubs people or verbally attacks out of the blue.

    There are some really dysfunctional people out there and they are not all on the other side of the bed.
    I definately agree with with you. There are some witch nurses out there. But why brand the entire profession based on them.

    I can't speak for Ruby but a couple of the people in this thread said things like "I made an off the cuff remark and then............"..........or "I said something I shouldn't have out of anger and then............".

    This might be what this poster is talking about in that sometimes we reep what we sow. If I'm being unprofessional, why should I be upset if others are unprofessional in return? Even if my unprofessionalism wasn't as bad as the response and the response was blown out of proproration - I still instigated it.

    But yes, there are people that you approach with kindness and professionalism and still are catty. But that's their problem, not a problem with females and nurses in general don't you think?
    Last edit by Tweety on Dec 16, '06
  11. by   Tweety
    Quote from Angie O'Plasty, RN
    People--all people, not just nurses--need to realize that they talk too darned much about things and people that are not their business, and IMO, that's the root of the problem. Too many people simply don't have the mind or the manners to just shut up if they cannot say anything nice.
    I agree, we as a society have gotten too nosy and too gossipy. Most people talk about other people. Look at the news, the magazine stands, listen to the conversations around you in the grocery store. People are complaining, gossiping about all sorts of things.

    Sometimes though we have to take another picture. There are moments when my coworkers are talking about someone - happened yesterday. A nurse needed help and a co-worker looked at her and walked away. I jumped up to help the nurse in need, but the character assination the coworkers did of the lazy one was livid. Then it passed and a lot of teamwork and support that usually is there went on. So looking at the big picture I'm not going to post on a bulletin board - my coworkers are so catty......because they had a moment in time out of the 12 hour day that was definately wrong. Nor am I going to complain about the lazy nurse. She's a witch for sure and I dislike her immensely right now, but I can't let her negativity and laziness cloud my vision of nursing.

    I appreciate that you included others in this, and are not labeling it a nursing or female problem. I'm really bothered by the "nurses are catty because it's a female dominated profession" thingie.

    I'll get off my soapbox too.
  12. by   salseranurse
    Agree with nurse hobit, it's kinda sad but many nurses suffer from low self esteem and therefore to boost there own moral they feel the need to put down there coworkers including management. No one is immune to it. Best thing to do is to encourage them to keep things on a professional level. If they are not happy with the way someone is handling things at work they should approach them as a concerned colleague. Afterall there are'nt enough of us in the profession and we truly wouldn't want to maliciously cause one of our peers to lose their license. No one wants to constantly be on their guard at work either. That makes for a very hostile environment and does not foster team work. Be the bigger person and walk away whe the backbiting begins. :trout:
    Last edit by salseranurse on Dec 16, '06 : Reason: missing word
  13. by   salseranurse
    Quote from salseranurse
    Agree with nurse hobit, it's kinda sad but many nurses suffer from low self esteem and therefore to boost there own moral they feel the need to put down there coworkers including management. No one is immune to it. Best thing to do is to encourage them to keep things on a professional level. If they are not happy with the way someone is handling things at work they should approach them as a concerned colleague. Afterall there are'nt enough of us in the profession and we truly wouldn't want to maliciously cause one of our peers to lose their license. No one wants to constantly be on their guard at work either. That makes for a very hostile environment and does not foster team work. Be the bigger person and walk away whe the backbiting begins. :trout:
    If they talk to you about other people, they'll talk about you to other people.

close