Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 152

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   sevensonnets
    Thank you but I really don't want that speckled brown banana on your bedside table any more than I want the chocolate cake you left on your lunch tray. And no, I won't "take it home to the kids." No, dietary won't be upset if you just leave the last few bites of your cake on the tray. They DON'T CARE, I promise you. Now, here are your pills so let's get off the subject of food and move on. Please, please, please don't try to pour 10 pills out in your hand and toss them from there into your mouth. If you do this one more time, YOU will be required to crawl up under the bed to retrieve them because I ain't doin' it again!
  2. by   carolmaccas66
    Quote from GadgetRN71
    Lol, I had a few elderly women patients that used to take their meds like this in nursing school and they were so freakin' sweet otherwise that I felt bad for being impatient..


    I know. I remember a sweet lol when I was a nursing aid who said to me: 'Just put the pills on my tongue dear and I'll swallow them that way.' I, naive as anything, put one pill on there and she tried to clamp her mouth shut as hard as she could on my fingers! All she caught were the ends of my glove, luckily, and her mouth stayed clamped firmly shut. Later, the RN said she meant to warn me that they nicknamed this lady 'Jaws' many years ago, cos she liked biting people's fingers off! Apparently more than a few people had to go to hospital to get their fingers repaired/sewn back on due to this lady - unreal!

    Don't ever feel impatient, just always think of your safety first - even with lols! I never, ever put my fingers near someone's mouth now, they either put pills in their own mouth or I drop them in - I don't take the chance now. It's not just being bitten, but God knows what you could catch if they do bite you, I mean where have those fingers been? Yuk!
  3. by   very serene
    Quote from highlandlass1592
    One of my favorites:
    Me: "So, your AICD has been firing off and on for the past few days..why didn't you call us before now?"

    Pt: "Well, I was afraid the doc would admit me to the hospital and I didn't want to spend the holiday here"

    Me: "You realize, your AICD only fires for Vtach/fib..so it's kind of important to check this out. Why did you decide to come in today instead of last week?"

    Pt: "Well, I didn't have anything else going on......"

    Me: "Have you been taking all your meds as prescribed?"

    Pt: "Well, I ran out of my potassium a few days ago but didn't figure it was that big of a deal...(pt is on a large dose of lasix daily)"

    Me: Pt's K is 2.0, AICD interrogation reveals multiple runs of VTACH. Not the first time this pt has done this. Beating head against the desk repeatedly..maybe it's all a dream.
    Me: "Why did you come to the Urgent Care instead of going to the ER?"
    Pt: "I figured I wouldn't have to wait."

    Darwin's theory at work - NOT!
  4. by   carolmaccas66
    To the PITA VA patient I looked after for 3 days - which seemed a lifetime, blieve me:
    Re all your numerous complaints over the last 20 years -yes, the Drs are aware of them, ALL of them. ALL the nursing staff, domestic staff, carers and orderlies are aware of them. You make us aware of them every time we even LOOK your way, let alone talk to you. When the gastro nurse asks you a question, because she is rushing to get you into theatres to get your endo done, do not give her your 20+ year Hx of being in the Vietnam war - frankly, she doesn't care and probably has 10 other patients waiting to be admitted, then has to take you thru to theatres, where the surgeon is waiting impatiently for you. You are holding everybody up by your constant, unceasing yammering on and on and on about the same, old things.
    Honestly, that night we had the Dr on the phone twice and the 3rd time we rang to get MORE pain medication for this patient, the Dr refused to come see him. The patient was obviously pushing for more and stronger drugs, thus the refusal by the Dr to order opioids.
    We told the patient all the Drs know re his various complaints/conditions we as nurses had done our utmost to help him, and we couldn't do anymore because our responsibility as nurses had finished with him. I actually told him this, and said he must talk to the Drs himself and make a list of all his complaints. As far as I know, he was still in psych and had not made any lists for the Drs, or changed his old, wily ways.
    How on earth do we get it thru some patient's heads that we as nurses can only do so much, then responsibility for patients goes over to the Drs?
  5. by   sevensonnets
    Sir, (and I'm calling you sir because no matter how many times you ask I'm not calling you by your first name) you are ambulatory and can take yourself to the BR. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! Do not put on the light to ask for your pills then take off your gown and dash into the bathroom. I will not bring even one of your 23 AM meds into the bathroom because you are NAKED. "It's okay honey I can take them in here" will NOT work on me ever again. Put your clothes on, take a seat in the chair and I'll be back. Oh, and when you see me coming back with the pills don't grab up the cell phone and pretend to be talking to the disability office. You're not punishing me because I refuse to admire your naked self. You pull that again and you can kiss your Lortab goodbye because I ain't coming back.
  6. by   carolmaccas66
    There is ONE thing I would love to say to patients, their carers, relatives, and other people who constantly and unceasingly question the nursing staff re medical issues:
    YOU - NEED - TO - TALK - TO - THE - DOCTOR! Maybe I should say this slower next time, they might understand me, or get it printed on a t-shirt and wear that instead!
    Our nursing responsibility has ended. Nurses have their duties, doctors have theirs. We cannot do anymore re medical issues, booking or getting other operations done, getting a consult/diagnosis RIGHT away, or even trying to get the surgeon up here 'RIGHT NOW to see me'. No, we don't have time to ring the Dr's private rooms and make an appointment for you today (I actually laughed at a patient thinking he would get an appointment to see a Dr the same day ANYWHERE) - you will probably have to wait a good 2 months b4 you even get in to SEE the Dr for an initial consult. You can take this card with his number on it and ring the Dr's rooms when you get home. As a matter of fact, everytime I come in here you're on your mobile, so why can't you ring the Dr on that and complain to him re your various medical conditions/complaints?
    And no I can't tell you EXACTLY what the Dr did during your operation - I'm not a surgeon, I'm a nurse. I have no wish to be a surgeon and no, I shouldn't know exactly how every operation is done. And surgeons take differing approaches to operating. I can get your file and read out what was done, but frankly, every surgeon has their own shorthand and I don't really understand it all. I cannot telepathically contact the Dr and give him all your messages, or get ont he phone 'and call him at home or on his mobile'. I don't even KNOW his home phone number.
    YOU NEED TO TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR!
  7. by   WittySarcasm
    ~Look you are what....800 pounds. I do not think you are going to starve to death just because you missed your 3 pm snack (which is an orange). If you do start to starve your body has about 600 pounds of fat to survive on.

    ~Ok so you want the "good stuff" I get it. Sorry we don't do that here. And you think the pain meds we have for you are "nothing more then candy." But when I ask 'are you feeling ok' when your blood pressure plummets and your heart increases it is NOT the time to give me a lecture about how I am getting rich off of meds. I want to make sure you are going to survive me calling 911.

    ~You can stop calling me a ************ (because first of all I have never ****** your mother). I'm sorry we cannot live to your outrageous expectations. But I cannot magically make a doctor appear. I explained that non-emergencies will mean that the doctor will come tomorrow. And wanting an order to state that only males can shower you does not constitute as an emergency. Despite how much you think it is one.

    ~Ok. Stop screaming. Really. You make my ears bleed and make my pulse race. Especially screaming over stupid stuff. I told you before we are not your personal taxi service. You got feet, you got a wheelchair, you got hands. Get moving.

    ~....why do you think I want to touch the leg that you state is "weeping"? Really do I look like I wanna touch it with my bare hands?!

    ~It's not the dumping syndrome you say you have. It's that you are FREAKIN anorexic! Ok! You are. Let's just admit it. I know you are. The doctors know you are. The entire staff knows you are. You only are the only one who believes you aren't.

    ~Look get out of that damned bed. I'm tired of arguing with you. The doctor himself said that you need to get out of bed.

    ~STOP WITH THE STUPID COMPETITION ON WHO CAN BE THE MOST NEEDIEST. If you or your roommate turn this call light on one more time I will walk in with scissors and cut the stupid cord so you can no longer ring it.

    ~Alright. Again with the screaming. Why? Look I explained to you that people have scopes of practice. A resident that cannot breath is not the CNAs job. It's my job so shut up with the screaming on how no one cares for anyone. while we are at it, don't scream at me when I'm trying to calm someone down who's turning blue. Really it defeats the whole purpose.
    Last edit by dianah on Feb 16, '11 : Reason: Terms of Service: use all *s
  8. by   WittySarcasm
    Ah I forgot the most important one!

    Look if you really feel we are that incompetent that you have to tell me how to do my job then perhaps you should take your son home. Really. He is at the best he's going to get. Take him home. You call every hour wanting to know if he is ok, if we are doing our job right, if he is covered up.

    Why no we have decided it would be fun to leave him uncovered in the middle of winter. Fun isn't it!

    Oh and gee I wonder how I know that he's doing ok. I mean his bed is out in the hallway because you don't "want him to be alone." So gee I wonder why I would know when I'm staring at him...

    OH It's because I'm psychic!
  9. by   mrscoozy
    No I am not going to massage your inner thighs.....You ******* Pervert! And would you please, for the hundredth time, keep your gown down. Trust me...your little sausage does nothing for me or the other nurses.
    Last edit by dianah on Feb 16, '11 : Reason: Terms of Service: use all *s
  10. by   carolmaccas66
    I had a patient years ago who was absolutely obsessed with his bowels. He must have used laxatives at home every few hours, and actually had panic and anxiety attacks if he didn't open his bowels 2-3 times a day. He was ALWAYS talking about his bowels. Tried explaining this was not normal and he would ruin his natural bowel action. I can't remember if he had a psych consult or not, but boy, was he a REALLY strange guy! He couldn't work or anything cos he was in the toilet most of the day -definitely one for Dr Freud with his anal fixation theories!
    I often wonder how people get like that? And they have no quality of life either.
  11. by   talaxandra
    I once looked after a bowel-obsessed guy who drank a bottle of lactulose a day. His colon had all the tone of a sock.
  12. by   OCNRN63
    Did you marinate in that cologne/perfume all night?
  13. by   carolmaccas66
    Quote from OCNRN63
    Did you marinate in that cologne/perfume all night?
    Yeah, I hate the strong, cheap perfume/deodorant that some people wear - I think they get it from the $2 shop!
    It sets off my sinuses something shocking

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