Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 138

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   gmkj
    I may work for you but since you are on medicaid "I ALSO PAY FOR YOU!"And "NO I AM NOT YOUR PRIVATE NURSE" "I HAVE 39 OTHER PATIENTS ON THIS FLOOR"!. THIS IS A LONG TERM CARE FACILITY NOT A HOTEL!" BOY THANKS, IT FELT SO GOOD TO SAY THAT NOW IF ONLY MY PATIENTS WOULD READ THIS FORUM! LOL! Oh yea I forgot about the resident who is screaming Help!, ,Help!, Help! and when you respond they calmly ask you fro their remote control or some other unimportant task,meanwhile you were trying to pass out one of you 40 something patients medicine, and you have to put everything in the cart and lock it up before running because you are sure by the sound of it that the patint is falling out of bed!
    Last edit by gmkj on Oct 11, '10
  2. by   MissJulie
    I work in a pain management office, so we get some "shady characters," so, here goes:

    - No, it doesn't matter if the doctor you used to go to prescribed you #180 Oxycodone 80 mg for 30 days, you're not getting that here! If you "need" that for pain relief, go back to that doctor!

    - If you have cocaine in your system, don't try to become a new patient!

    - Yes, I will believe the Kentucky Kasper report from the DEA over you telling me that you didn't go to Dr. Such-and-such and get the #120 Lorcet 10/650 mg a week after your came here.

    Oh, and we also do weight loss, so here goes for them:

    - No, you won't lose weight if you eat a package of Oreos, by yourself, every week! At least try something sugar free!

    - Listen, I get it, I like chicken noodle soup, too, but regular old Campbells isn't exactly diet food. (Can we say hypernatremia?)

    Shew! That feels so much better!
  3. by   enchantmentdis
    Quote from steelydanfan
    Well, you are a either a troll, or an incredibly naive teenager.No, you can't visit Uncle whenever you want, and I could give a rodent's behind about youur culture. The man NEEDS rest, and once I have made sure he has seen his immediate loved ones, the rest of you are surperfluous and annoying


    I like to work the saxaphone. I play just what i feel. Drink scotch whiskey all night long and drive behind the wheel....deacon blues.
  4. by   SaraO'Hara
    You have dysphagia. I don't care if you don't like crushed pills. You will take them crushed or you will take them rectally - your choice!
  5. by   NurseFrustrated
    Sarcastic things I'd like to say:

    "Oh...how silly of me. I must have forgotten that you and your family members DO know more than the doctor."

    "Oh yes, I do know EXACTLY what time your doctor will be here. We have new GPS tracking devices on all of them."

    "Why yes ma'am. We do make you NPO just to torture you."

    "Your family member has the hiccups or burped? Get the crash cart!"

    "Yes, it is my fault that the doctor came in and talked to you before your family got here at 3:00 p.m. I'll just call him and tell him to come back and see you again."

    "Oh yes, Mr. Smith, the doctor calls me at the hospital every morning and says, 'Good morning Nurse Frustrated. I will be in to see Mr. Jones this morning at 9:52 a.m. My plan of care for the day is this..." (Yeah right!)

    "Yes, I can diagnose that tingle you've had in your pinky for months just by looking at it. Yes I can change your medicines to anything you want right now. I have ALL the power."

    "Yes, I do have the results of your MRI that you had done 10 minutes ago and can tell you all about it. It doesn't matter that it's 6:30 pm on a Saturday."

    That felt good.
  6. by   pers
    Quote from NurseFrustrated
    "Oh yes, I do know EXACTLY what time your doctor will be here. We have new GPS tracking devices on all of them."
    LMAO! I'm so telling this to the next patient that asks me what time the doctor will be in!
  7. by   shoegalRN
    If you have a "friend" or "cousin" who is another inpatient on a different unit, you better not call them to sneak you in a box lunch after you been told you were NPO. After all, you came to the hospital complaining of abdominal pain of unknown origin. I will tell that patient you are NOT to have any vistors after visiting hours and I will gladly hunt your "cousin's" nurse down and tell her what's going on. Don't try to be slick. I will also call the doctor and let him know you may be ready for discharge in the AM.

    And another thing, if you are watching the clock for your next "fent shot", then I have a hard time believing you are in pain. And if you can question me about how many mcgs equal 1 mL and you want me to "flush it fast", then I'm convinced you are a drug seeker.

    And don't let me find out you are off the unit after I gave you your "fent shot". I will call the doctor and request you be discharged in the AM. You are obviously not that sick if you can go visit your "cousin" down the hall and the both of you go out and smoke.

    And don't try to split staff. We get report twice a day and all the nurses are on the same page. Don't try to play all "innocent" and bad mouth the previous nurse. I will not believe one word that comes out of your mouth.
  8. by   RNDreamer
    Patient in bed #1 to me (about patient in bed #2): "Gosh, she is so annoying"
    Me:"....Ummmm...."

    What I wanted to say: "So are you!!!!"
  9. by   ElvishDNP
    Bathing your newly born baby will NOT diminish her sense of smell, which if she is normal will have already developed by the time she is born. She will be able to smell you even after her bath.
  10. by   Medic2RN
    When your husband frantically bangs on the ambulance bay doors yelling that you are having a major stroke and we run out there to find you stuffing a whole cheeseburger in our mouth, don't be offended when we tell you to stop. After you tell us to wait while you suck down half a coke, please don't be short with us when we ask you to stop once again. No, I will not pick you up out of the car to the wheelchair. You can move yourself.
    And I'd appreciate it tremendously if you didn't fling the pickles that fell out of your cheeseburger and stuck to the front of your shirt onto my shoes. I consider that bad manners.
    I'm going to guess that you already passed your stroke swallow screen.
  11. by   ShayRN
    Quote from Medic2RN
    When your husband frantically bangs on the ambulance bay doors yelling that you are having a major stroke and we run out there to find you stuffing a whole cheeseburger in our mouth, don't be offended when we tell you to stop. After you tell us to wait while you suck down half a coke, please don't be short with us when we ask you to stop once again. No, I will not pick you up out of the car to the wheelchair. You can move yourself.
    And I'd appreciate it tremendously if you didn't fling the pickles that fell out of your cheeseburger and stuck to the front of your shirt onto my shoes. I consider that bad manners.
    I'm going to guess that you already passed your stroke swallow screen.

    I am sorry, this one just made me HOWL! ROFLOLOLOL
  12. by   goats'r'us
    Quote from a "too caring" cna
    My personal opinion on this thread is that you people would rather attack people on the thread than your patients. This is not good, everyone has their own opinion and thats ok. I say, Deal with it.
    sigh. you've read the posts, become offended, reprimanded the posters, been corrected, continued to reprimand the posters, been corrected by a moderator, and still continue the cycle if read-be upset-flame-be corrected.

    really, WHY DO YOU KEEP READING THE THREAD IF IT JUST UPSETS YOU? you must know you're not going to change the opinions of everyone here, so really, you're either reading it still because you're actually enjoying it, or you're reading it because you enjoy getting all worked up.

    either way, you've been politely (and, to be honest, a bit rudely) informed of the nature and content that can be expected in a vent thread, so please, as the Aussie bogans are always shouting (between riots) 'if you don't love it, leave'. (alternatively, 'eff off we're full' is also popular).


    sorry, I realise there's about seventy-odd pages of water under the bridge since this particular post was made, but having read through from page one, I've been getting progressively more annoyed by sanctimonious and over-sensitive comments, and funnily enough, I needed to vent!!
  13. by   goats'r'us
    sorry, re. My above post:

    I just thought of a third option. is there something in your life that is incredibly frustrating that you can't vent about, so you're taking your frustration out on those who are able to vent?

    if so, I'm really sorry that you're in a situation like that, however it's still not appropriate.

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