Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 119

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   MobileNurseSara
    Quote from Fuzzy
    "Shut Up Aleady! You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain.".

    Fuzzy
    HAHAHAHA!
  2. by   BCgradnurse
    "No, I don't have a magic pill to fix you when you won't take your meds, keep smoking, and have pancakes and syrup for breakfast ever morning when you are a Type II diabetic with hypertension and kidney disease. Oh yeah, and about all those endocrine and nutrition appointments you no-showed for....." Grrrrrrrrr........
  3. by   ChristyRN2009
    Your loved one has assitis. They were born with it. Its incurable and terminal. They will die a victim of assitis. See the way you get yelled at when you try to help them? And they know you and supposedly love you? Well, its worse when I "Nurse Rachett" do something so horrible as to offer them their medication while they are watching t.v. So don't come complaining to me that your loved one isn't getting better, I've done the best I can, but as far as I know the only treatment for assitis is prohibited by law.
  4. by   Katie5
    Patient:- "I need this...". Nurse hurries and fetches it.
    Patient:- I want that...". Again, nurse hurries and brings said thing.
    Patient:- I've changed my mind, I want that instead.." Nurse goes and gets it.

    (Goes on for like 20mins or so). Until finally, you know what, you can fetch that yourself. I'll walk beside you, so you don't fall.

    (A pause)...Patient:- Could you please do this for me? ( There, that wasn't so bad, was it?

    Done! Oh and that was the last errand too.
  5. by   BluegrassRN
    Who wipes your butt at home?
  6. by   livistarr
    Quote from FlyingScot
    How are you expected to pay for your blood pressure medicine Mrs. Robinson? (fake name of patient who presented to ER with HTN and prescription had run out)Do you really want me to tell you because you aren't going to like what I say. Are you sure, you really aren't going to be happy with my answer. Okay, here goes. Perhaps you would be able to afford your medication if you weren't spending $100 a month on fancy fake nails with rhinestones and airbrushed designs. And you might want to reconsider whether the $50 dollar hair-do with all the swirly things and curls is really necessary considering the fact that your out of control blood pressure is likely going to kill you. Actually said this to a patient only in a slightly nicer way. She looked at me gape-faced. Then I think she considered punching me but I really did say it in a concerned way and had given her an out if she didn't want to hear it. Her face finally relaxed as she realized that what I had said was true and actually thanked me as I walked her out the door.
    My coworkers have always said that I seem to get away with saying the most outrageous, but true things to patients and I've never gotten a complaint from one of them. It started in nursing school. I put a patient on the toilet and told her to pull the cord if she needed something. Well soon enough the light went off and I heard her yelling. I ran to the room to find her standing facing the toilet with her hands on the seat. I said "are you sick?!" She said "No...wipe me" Before I could censor myself I looked at her and said "Why? Are your arms too short?"
    I am a bad, bad, bad nurse:selfbonk:
    You are not wrong!! I say just about anything that is needed to be said because...well, because I can! I'm great at what I do but I'll be darned if someone's going to walk all over me. I am glad to tell my patients "I actually went to COLLEGE and got a DEGREE to do this!" LOL
  7. by   oscar8
    Pt: I bet you would like to push me into a snowbank.
    Me: No, of course not, the snow isn't deep enough

    What I did say to the very rude, abusive and generally unpleasant man as I was wheeling him outside.
  8. by   S.Gettes
    There have been many times i have had to literally bite my tongue to ensure i did not say things that i so desperately wanted to say to patients and their visitors. A few of them were:
    *No i will not get you a bed pan so you can go to the toilet, you are able bodied, you are not bed ridden nor suffering any weakness, walking and moving about does not cause you pain, other than laziness there is nothing preventing you from using the regular toilet all on your own like everyone else on this ward can.

    *I do not cook the food, i do not prepare the meals, i do not prepare the menus which are available to you. You choose the meal you receive, not me, complaining to me, yourself or your visitors, will not get your meal changed nor will it get me to jump down to the caferteria to get you something that you want to eat, you chose it, you eat it, this is not a takeaway establishment.

    * Talking loudly to your visitors about me and the other nursing staff and how long it takes us to respond to your bell loudly enough for us to hear what you are saying about us (no matter how unneccesary the matter you are ringing it for is) will not make me respond any faster the next time you ring it.

    *I don't care if you have a headache or you feel queasy, frankly i have no sympathy for you what so ever, your injuries somewhat amuse me, maybe next time you will learn so that you don't end up back in here, injured from being pinned down by law enforcement due to being a public drunken nuisance, please take some breath mints and brush your teeth, have a shower, and get out of my sight, every pore of your body stinks of stale alcohol and being near you makes me feel sick.
  9. by   NurseNinaFla
    What is this "Princess & the Pea"? (after fluffing and rearranging the pillow upteen times..Or..Its 3am in the morning, I will NOT call the Doctor about the itchy rash under your right boob!(what am I saying I have said that...Oops!
  10. by   talaxandra
    When I told my patient, after having to hoist him off the loo because he was hypotensive and felt so weak he couldn't stand, that he would have to call me and use a pan by his bed next time because his (new) postural hypotension could cause his to black out, he said "You're very bossy, aren't you?"

    "Yes. That's part of what they pay me for - aren't you lucky!"
  11. by   mustlovepoodles
    "No ma'am, I will NOT call your pediatrician at 1am because your baby has been constipated for 10 days. First, I don't believe you and second, you're drunken fool. Call him yourself after 8am!" (Actually, I did refuse to call the doctor and when she got belligerent I told her I she was not allowed to speak to me with curse words. Then I hung up on her )
  12. by   kfarinato
    Quote from talaxandra
    When I told my patient, after having to hoist him off the loo because he was hypotensive and felt so weak he couldn't stand, that he would have to call me and use a pan by his bed next time because his (new) postural hypotension could cause his to black out, he said "You're very bossy, aren't you?"

    "Yes. That's part of what they pay me for - aren't you lucky!"

    I LOVE when patients or my family tell me I'm bossy. My husband is noncompliant with his diet and he gets a tad grouchy and tells me I'm being too bossy when I inform him how important fiber and water are to his sluggish colon. Then when he complains about his bowel movements I just glare at him.
  13. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from kfarinato
    i love when patients or my family tell me i'm bossy. my husband is noncompliant with his diet and he gets a tad grouchy and tells me i'm being too bossy when i inform him how important fiber and water are to his sluggish colon. then when he complains about his bowel movements i just glare at him.
    that's ok. just remind him you're doing it because you love him. my husband is a type 1 diabetic and has been since he was 10. i remind him gently, from time to time, that if i remind him not to load up on carbs sometimes, or weigh and measure something occasionally instead of merely eyeballing its size, it isn't because i think i'm his mother, or enjoy being bossy and controlling, it's because i love him with all my heart and soul and am trying to keep him healthy. i want to make sure he keeps all his fingers and toes and legs long term. both his parents were type 1 diabetics. his mom was blind eventually and his dad had damaged kidneys -- both as a direct result of being diabetic.

    so will i keep being "bossy" sometimes? you'd better believe it! but i also recognize that it's his disease and not mine.
    as wives, we do what we can, being "bossy" included, but i'd rather think of it as being proactive.

    kathy
    shar pei mom

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