The nurses every co-worker hates - page 3

I don't know exactly how the context of this message will be articulated, but I am interested in gaining knowledge on the topic & opinions. So, I am a seasoned nurse, not that it should make any... Read More

  1. by   NurseDirtyBird
    You seem to look at things in a very black and white way. Either blunt and straightforward, or a doormat. That's not the way dealing with people works. There are people who can be very straightforward and no-nonsense while still having tact and courtesy for others' feelings. There is a middle ground, I promise. I think finding that middle ground will help you relate better with your coworkers.
  2. by   wanderlust99
    A quick glance at your post and I am already offended by it. Maybe that's your problem? If you don't care that you offend people by what you say, own it and accept that people just won't like you.
  3. by   FlyingScot
    Quote from Aurora77
    Why can't you make eye contact and smile when adding someone in the halls? I'm truly baffled. Maybe I'm odd, but it comes easily to me and I can't imagine why it would be painful, unless it's fake. A little friendliness just makes life easier and nursing is challenging enough.
    Did you even read my post? I work in a small office with 8 nurses. I cheerfully greet them every morning when I come in. I chat with them. I smile at them when they are interacting with me but I also pass them a million times in one 10 hour shift and it would be ridiculous to worry about making eye contact with them. Nobody on our staff finds it necessary to acknowledge someone every single time we see them and we all get along famously. The "smiling all day" I was referring to was having one plastered on at all times no matter who is looking on the off chance that somebody might see me and interpret my mood based on my facial expression (like when I'm working on the computer). I have furrows between my eyebrows. When my face is relaxed it looks like I'm frowning when I'm not. I cannot help this and I won't get Botox. The only counter to this is a permanent smile plastered on my face which would indeed be fake. People, who don't know me, have a habit of interpreting it as my being angry even though I'm not interacting with them and may be innocently sitting alone in my office working on paperwork with the door open. Your assumption that I am unfriendly is way off base although I'll admit I'm a little irritated right now so I'm probably verging on being snippy and I am not currently smiling so my CBF is definitely showing.
  4. by   RNGriffin
    Quote from getmethisnownurse
    A quick glance at your post and I am already offended by it. Maybe that's your problem? If you don't care that you offend people by what you say, own it and accept that people just won't like you.
    My response to this is, the extent some people will go to be offended. If you are offended by something as simple as me being me, I can't help you. That's ownership to my **********, I guess.
  5. by   kensmith
    Im curious.Are you male or female?I couldnt tell by your comment and am not trying to be rude,but I will tell you that as a male our voice inflection and attitude can be misconstrued.Your posture,how you hold your hands and many other things can irritate many people nomatter if your m/f.Im truly sorry you are going through something such as this.Im sure you are about the job and are a very good nurse.Maybe just lighten up and smile occasionally.Approach others first with assistance and dont talk down to anyone-ever.Good luck with your issue and as intelligent as you seem you will figure this one out.
  6. by   ProgressiveActivist
    It sounds like you have an insecure little pot stirrer in your midst.

    Ask your manager to set up a meeting with the person or people who find you to be mean and rude.

    Tell her you want to clear the air because good work relationships are very important.

    I'll bet the complainer is someone with no life outside of work who is jealous of your achievements.
  7. by   chevyv
    I think the small talk helps no matter how much you may not like looking at pics of vacation, new babies, weddings, puppies, etc, they are important to your coworker. It only takes a few seconds to ohh and ahhh over pics. I may not always be very interested, but I always ask because I know it means a lot to my coworker. Even nurses could use a bit of nursing sometimes.
  8. by   itsmejuli
    I found that bringing fattening foods such as cupcakes and cookeis helps soften up co-workers too.
  9. by   bagladyrn
    This may sound counterintuitive to you, but try asking your coworkers to help you occasionally. Not all the time, just once in a while, "Can you show me how you do this procedure?", or "Which way do you think works better?" or even "How do you get the computer to do this?".
    People like to feel knowlegeable, helpful and by asking them you are acknowledging their competence.
    Doesn't even have to be directly work related. I've had the aide at work helping me with the functions on my cell phone while on lunch break. Sure, I could sit down and puzzle it out from the instruction manual, but again, people like to feel helpful.
  10. by   joanna73
    Early in my career as a manager, I was informed that some people thought I was cold to them. Coworkers, not customers. While this wasn't exactly true, I realized that perception is reality. So since then, which was years ago, I learned to play the politics, to favourable reviews. Sometimes you have to engage your coworkers, as much as you may not want to, in order to keep the peace. I am an extrovert. I will often speak my mind, and I go to work to work. Work is work, home is home. I keep the two separate, and quite frankly, I could care less what my coworkers did on their day off, nor do I want to engage in the workplace drama. As a result, people like myself can be perceived as cold where coworkers are concerned. However, I am more than willing to lend someone a hand.
  11. by   Bortaz, RN
    Quote from griffinchet
    A troubling statement came when a manager used the terms "Mean & Rude" to describe my personality today. From another perspective I would like to gain knowledge on how to be more approachable without being the doormat.
    There is a wide, wide gulf between "Mean & Rude" and "doormat". It doesn't have to be one or the other. Find a spot in the middle.

    I'm going to be honest and say that I despise giving report to nurses that pull the "no side banter in report, or no unnecessary information needed while giving background information" routine. Luckily, we only have 2 of them in our unit.
  12. by   kmcguirern
    I've had the same problem since around Jr. High. I'm usually passive, helpful...a pleaser. I do lose my temper at times though if provoked. I'm constantly talked about and gone after by the other nurses. I thought it would have ended in high school, but I'm 38 years old and an R.N. I only seem to have female haters though. I constantly have to watch my P's and Q's and make sure all my I's are dotted and T's crossed because any mistake I make will be reported and talked about. It's exhausting and impossible to be perfect all the time. Even though I find mistakes other people make all the time, I don't go out of my way to get that nurse in trouble. I don't understand it myself, so I have no advice to give you. Our situations are different yet the same. I've tried to make friends with the other nurses. Then I tried minding my own business. Next I tried telling everyone off that crossed me thinking maybe I'm just too nice to people. Nothing so far has worked. I don't have female friends, but the nurses I am friendlier with, I have asked them to be honest with me and tell me the issue is. I've been told over and over again that they have no idea. They don't see a problem with me at all, then the next day they do the same to me that everyone else does. After a while, I just figured there is something wrong with me. Maybe a character flaw? I honestly have no idea. Best of luck to you.
  13. by   Scarlettz
    I am not a working nurse yet....(still looking for a job.) I would never label myself mean or rude.. I sound more like you described - agreeable, passive. I guess some people find my shy nature to be too serious or cold. Therefore, I have felt like an outcast all of my life. So, even if you are "agreeable" or "soft-spoken" it doesn't mean you are well liked by any means. So, someone from the other end of the spectrum can understand your feelings.

    I have worked in a retail job for almost 5 years, so I interact with customers and coworkers almost daily. Here are just a few simple tricks that work:

    -Say "hello" or "good morning" If possible, say the person's name. "Good morning, Sheila." "Hi Ann." People love to hear their names - more personable?
    -Compliment someone. Make sure that you truly like something, though - a new haircut, a watch, a way of doing some task, etc. If it is forced, people will pick up on it. This took me awhile to do, but it really is so simple and it brightens someone's day.
    -If you have any down time, ask someone if they need help with anything, especially if you see they are struggling or having a bad day.
    -Before report, say "How was your weekend?" Or something along those lines. (I do admire that you keep patient gossip out of the report, but asking a general question about the person you are talking with can't hurt.)
    -Ask advice/explanation on something. I guess this sort of goes along with the compliment thing. As a seasoned nurse, I am sure you know tons of stuff. But have you witnessed a new nurse do something in a way that you found interesting/admirable/exciting/clever? If so, you can say something like "Wow. I never thought about doing it that way." Or, "That was neat. How did you think of doing it that way?" Or if it's a new gadget, "Where did you get your stethoscope?"
    -If your workplace does any volunteering, sign up and join your coworkers for a day.

    These pointers really only take seconds, but they will be well received. You still are doing an efficient job, you still being an attentive nurse, but you are also engaging with coworkers to provide for a great atmosphere.