The nurses every co-worker hates

Nurses Relations

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  • Specializes in Neuro ICU/Trauma/Emergency.

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Bortaz, MSN, RN

2,628 Posts

Specializes in CDI Supervisor; Formerly NICU.

A troubling statement came when a manager used the terms "Mean & Rude" to describe my personality today. From another perspective I would like to gain knowledge on how to be more approachable without being the doormat.

There is a wide, wide gulf between "Mean & Rude" and "doormat". It doesn't have to be one or the other. Find a spot in the middle.

I'm going to be honest and say that I despise giving report to nurses that pull the "no side banter in report, or no unnecessary information needed while giving background information" routine. Luckily, we only have 2 of them in our unit.

kmcguirern

23 Posts

I've had the same problem since around Jr. High. I'm usually passive, helpful...a pleaser. I do lose my temper at times though if provoked. I'm constantly talked about and gone after by the other nurses. I thought it would have ended in high school, but I'm 38 years old and an R.N. I only seem to have female haters though. I constantly have to watch my P's and Q's and make sure all my I's are dotted and T's crossed because any mistake I make will be reported and talked about. It's exhausting and impossible to be perfect all the time. Even though I find mistakes other people make all the time, I don't go out of my way to get that nurse in trouble. I don't understand it myself, so I have no advice to give you. Our situations are different yet the same. I've tried to make friends with the other nurses. Then I tried minding my own business. Next I tried telling everyone off that crossed me thinking maybe I'm just too nice to people. Nothing so far has worked. I don't have female friends, but the nurses I am friendlier with, I have asked them to be honest with me and tell me the issue is. I've been told over and over again that they have no idea. They don't see a problem with me at all, then the next day they do the same to me that everyone else does. After a while, I just figured there is something wrong with me. Maybe a character flaw? I honestly have no idea. Best of luck to you.

Specializes in ICU.

I am not a working nurse yet....(still looking for a job.) I would never label myself mean or rude.. I sound more like you described - agreeable, passive. I guess some people find my shy nature to be too serious or cold. Therefore, I have felt like an outcast all of my life. So, even if you are "agreeable" or "soft-spoken" it doesn't mean you are well liked by any means. So, someone from the other end of the spectrum can understand your feelings.

I have worked in a retail job for almost 5 years, so I interact with customers and coworkers almost daily. Here are just a few simple tricks that work:

-Say "hello" or "good morning" If possible, say the person's name. "Good morning, Sheila." "Hi Ann." People love to hear their names - more personable?

-Compliment someone. Make sure that you truly like something, though - a new haircut, a watch, a way of doing some task, etc. If it is forced, people will pick up on it. This took me awhile to do, but it really is so simple and it brightens someone's day.

-If you have any down time, ask someone if they need help with anything, especially if you see they are struggling or having a bad day.

-Before report, say "How was your weekend?" Or something along those lines. (I do admire that you keep patient gossip out of the report, but asking a general question about the person you are talking with can't hurt.)

-Ask advice/explanation on something. I guess this sort of goes along with the compliment thing. As a seasoned nurse, I am sure you know tons of stuff. But have you witnessed a new nurse do something in a way that you found interesting/admirable/exciting/clever? If so, you can say something like "Wow. I never thought about doing it that way." Or, "That was neat. How did you think of doing it that way?" Or if it's a new gadget, "Where did you get your stethoscope?"

-If your workplace does any volunteering, sign up and join your coworkers for a day.

These pointers really only take seconds, but they will be well received. You still are doing an efficient job, you still being an attentive nurse, but you are also engaging with coworkers to provide for a great atmosphere.

netglow, ASN, RN

4,412 Posts

You could always do the Hello Kitty scrubs or lanyard (at least), or wear those stupid holiday or seasonal overly large and loud earings. LOL. You'd get the "she's friendly but also probably has a big doll collection at home" impression. So, it's all a lie, (LOL) but at least you could avoid all the chit chat, if people think you are a most likely the friendly lunatic-type who probably wants to just talk about her doll collection, then naturally they'll leave you alone because nobody wants to hear about your dolls (this is true about at home dog breeders "I dress my pets in little people outfits and show them or take pictures of them" types too. You'd have to instead wear doggie scrubs, etc...) , but you'll retain the "nicey-nice" person impression.

See, there is a way out!!!!

Edit: truth! Used to work with someone who I would avoid walking out with due to the fact that she would often show me a several hundred dollar doll she had picked up from UPS and put in her trunk on the way to work. I had to oooh and awww appropriately and hear about all that one too many times. I always considered her "friendly" but geeeez-us I gave up my Malibu Barbi when I was 12.

GinginRN

56 Posts

I find the best way to break the ice with people is showing interest in responses regarding their personal lives and relating experiences with them. Another way to open the doors to friendship is through people's appetites. Maybe bringing in a plate of homebaked treats to share with the coworkers before getting report. After all, work is like a 2nd home, spending anywhere from 8-12 hrs + with coworkers.

ready4nu

94 Posts

Netglow- made me laugh!

echoRNC711, BSN

227 Posts

Specializes in cardiac CVRU/ICU/cardiac rehab/case management.

I am wondering if you genuinely believe it to be true that "you are only relatable, when you never disagree and are a wo/man" ?

I can relate that early in my career in CVRU some people viewed me as aloof. From my own myopic perspective I was totally focused on "getting it right " in a very complex environment. As I gained experience,there was time to exhale,soften and in time others came to view me more gently.

You seem a straight shooter so with this in mind my question is "Is your approach working for you? " If it is ,accept you are more solitary and disregard others opinions. If it isn't then change is required. You will lose nothing of yourself by striving to open your heart wider.

Be gentle with yourself.It sounds like you have so much to offer.

echoRNC711, BSN

227 Posts

Specializes in cardiac CVRU/ICU/cardiac rehab/case management.

I am wondering if you genuinely believe it to be true that "you are only relatable, when you never disagree and are a wo/man" ?

I can relate that early in my career in CVRU some people viewed me as aloof. From my own myopic perspective I was totally focused on "getting it right " in a very complex environment. As I gained experience,there was time to exhale,soften and in time others came to view me more gently.

You seem a straight shooter so with this in mind my question is "Is your approach working for you? " If it is ,accept you are more solitary and disregard others opinions. If it isn't then change is required. You will lose nothing of yourself by striving to open your heart wider.

Be gentle with yourself.It sounds like you have so much to offer.

echoRNC711, BSN

227 Posts

Specializes in cardiac CVRU/ICU/cardiac rehab/case management.

I am wondering if you genuinely believe it to be true that "you are only relatable, when you never disagree and are a wo/man" ?&l

I can relate that early in my career in CVRU some people viewed me as aloof. From my own myopic perspective I was totally focused on "getting it right " in a very complex environment. As I gained experience,there was time to exhale,soften and in time others came to view me more gently.

You seem a straight shooter so with this in mind my question is "Is your approach working for you? " If it is ,accept you are more solitary and disregard others opinions. If it isn't then change is required. You will lose nothing of yourself by striving to open your heart wider

Be gentle with yourself.It sounds like you have so much to offer.

Why in healthcare are we taught so heavily about inter-cultural communication and acceptance on how other cultures communicate (IE eye contact, facial expressions, body language, gestures and so forth? Yet when it come to co-workers if your not perky-jerky your rude, lol? The way I learned not to think someone is rude/mean? I kept my mouth shut about my feelings on the person's interactions and watched how they communicated with others. 9 out of 10 x it was the same as me. That's how learned it wasn't personal and Voila suddenly it didn't bother me anymore! Just my 2 cents!

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

9 Articles; 4,800 Posts

For some, they do not go to work to socialize. Still others are not socially engaging, and go to work to do their best, then go home. Terms like "mean" is insinuating that there's some sort of social interaction. Because one chooses to focus on tasks at hand doesn't and shouldn't label one "mean". Because you were in management, then you are learned in the art of professional distance. Because you are a "seasoned" nurse, you can make yourself a direct and active member of the team, especially when the sh** hits the fan. And that is shown by doing. That you can be calm and focused in an unexpected and critical situation is modeling appropriate behavior. Talking about ones social life and sharing with coworkers may make you seem all sunshine and lemonade, but that you can be counted on to take the lead in say a code or rapid response, shows that thank goodness someone is direct and to the point and a take charge kind of person. In your role, to say to a fellow nurse "you handled that really well, thank you" would go a long way. But you shouldn't feel the need to be the blow some sunshine up their butt kind of a nurse, either. But if you are put in the position of charge, then to encourage positive outcomes would be to your advantage, and most importantly your patient's advantage, as you will not be running around trying to clean up messes that should have/could have been nipped in the bud.

If your patients are complaining that you are "mean" THAT is what I would focus softening my approach on. I think that one can be direct, as in a patient education sort of way, without being "for the love of GOD Martha, you NEED to take your Lasix, don't care if you have to pee 30 times during Bingo, but this is the third time I have seen you this month, and this is getting old for both of us......" There's a difference between educating and annoyance.

The same can be said with co-workers. You can help in any way you can regarding the tasks at hand, but to be on the receiving end of babbling and carrying on about boyfriend and/or husband issues and the like IS annoying, but re-direction to a general, "I am sure that you are frustrated with your personal situation, however, what can I do to help you with your med pass" or something of that nature.

Even a "thanks everyone for your team work" at the end of a shift focuses solely on work ethic as opposed to "Woooo Hooooo where are we all gonna go for a cocktail?!?!?!"

There is nothing wrong with keeping your work life and social life seperate. There is nothing wrong with focusing solely on what is happening on the floor and not get into the fluff. If you are "best buds" with everyone on the floor, then you would be seen as "fake" or giving preferrential treatment. So you can't win for losing in dynamics such as what you are describing.

For younger people, "mean" is the new descriptive word for any and all behavior that is subjectively seen as non-catering to the whims of the personal stories that perhaps you don't respond to, that you may not be "kumbya" and campfires, and that you are not interested in smores and ghost stories at meal break. For us "older" nurses, we are just attempting to move forward and do the best with what we got for our patients, and have enough "you are so meannnnn" comments from our own kids, hear about it ad nauseum from our adult kids regarding our grandkids, our siblings regarding our nieces and nephews...... in this generation, there seems to be a whole lotta you are so mean comments going round.

wooh, BSN, RN

1 Article; 4,383 Posts

... I have found co-workers have shied away from engaging in conversation with me or interacting with me on a regular basis...

I truly couldn't build up the interest to be interested in my co-workers kids, husbands, or lives outside of work.

Perhaps people don't engage you in conversation or interact with you because they don't want to bother you with talk about their kids, husbands, or lives outside of work?

I mean, I get it. I don't want to hear every detail of my coworkers' potty training woes. But people like to share. We spend a ton of time with our coworkers, in a high stress environment where we really have to depend on each other. Letting them share can be your good deed for the day. :)

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