Nurse with Disdain - page 7

Hi. I've got to vent here, since I have no "friends" that are nurses, and I want the input of some perhaps unbiased individuals. I'm a mid-30s male career changer. I left a career I had for a... Read More

  1. Visit  macawake profile page
    4
    StuckInTheMiddle, I appreciate you coming back and clarifying/answering some of the questions i asked. I now find it easier to relate to where you're coming from. I'm sorry you miss the job you used to have and that you've now chosen a path that doesn't seem to give you much happiness.

    When I wrote my previous post I was amazed that anyone could launch into a nursing career and be unaware that it comes with perks like bodily fluids. Reading you last post #51 it sounds like you never had any personal experience with serious illness. You mention taking a few notes, explaining a course of treatment and passing meds. Sometimes that's enough but often the human being needs more. Comfort, reassurance, hope and the sense of being seen. When you describe how you attained your Bachelors Degree in Nursing you only mention syllabi, school websites and texts. No clinicals?

    I guess the thing that bothered me before and still does is the lack of empathy you displayed when you wrote that needy patients infuriates you and that you say that you dislike patients and mention their incontinence and vomiting, and that lose your patience with people who can't be independent (by no fault of their own). Nobody (that I know of anyway) enjoys faeces and vomit. I've frequently found myself silently revolted, but for me the compassion for the sick person is the greater concern. If I find it a bit on the icky side, I can only imagine how a previously able-bodied and independent adult feels like when they are not only sick with all that that entails but also dependant on another person to take care of such a basic thing as toileting and their personal hygiene. For me, my discomfort is overshadowed by my compassion for their plight. We don't have to be lovey-dovey and warm and fuzzy in the extreme, but I think we need to have empathy. Disease can be such a humongous insult to a persons dignity and identity, and I think that we as nurses should try to help our patients restore/preserve what they can. That said, I myself have chosen to work in an area with minimal contact with aforementioned bodily products, so I can understand your point of view.

    I guess you need to find a specialty that you find challenging and rewarding. The best of luck to you!
    roser13, anotherone, Fiona59, and 1 other like this.
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  3. Visit  OCNRN63 profile page
    6
    I don't enjoy holding a basin while someone is puking or cleaning up someone who's had diarrhea all over the place. I think the difference is I see those situations and know it could be me or someone I love. It doesn't mean I don't get frustrated, esp. when you've cleaned someone up for the _____th time and you have to go clean them up again. But you suck it up and do it because it's part of the job.

    I do wish the best for the OP.
    Altra, roser13, anotherone, and 3 others like this.
  4. Visit  Susie2310 profile page
    2
    Quote from Streamline2010
    Bah. I think it's both. Nursing just may be too much futzing around without any clear "wins," for most of us who came to it from some career other than wife and mother. Closer to a motherhood role is how I'd describe it. The confines of the nurse role are one of the things I struggled with in RN school, and perhaps because I was in a diploma program that put me into the bedside nursing role in the first term, I was getting the same vibe as the OP but within 3 months, lol. I quit after 1 year. I thought nursing had evolved and finally empowered RNs, but it is still too a women's profession. One of the things I found tiresome was, like the OP said, constant barrage of needy people. It's a HUGE change from working with the well-educated and very self-reliant and successful, and the decisive, if that's what the OP was used to.

    I think what the people (women, in particular) who have spent long or entire careers in nursing don't realize is that careers outside the medical field, professions like business and manufacturing, do offer and in fact require much more autonomy of their employees. Nurses lack power. Period. And patients too often see nurses as servants or mamma. A subordinate role. Subordinate to the MD/DO, subordinate to Administration, subordinate to the patients. Heck, to everyone. There was a male nurse on here who also said the same thing: Nurses have no power. Adult males who come into nursing identify that problem with it immediately, because that situation is so different from other workplaces.

    If you look at sales, or engineering, or half a dozen other things, they are goal-oriented. They turn well-trained employees loose to get their jobs done. And rude and abusive clients get shown the door, or the police are called.

    I got no satisfaction from nursing. I've done engineering process design, QA/QC for the metals industry, and some positively menial jobs while living in small town rural America. Nursing school was the only occupational role that ever annoyed Hail out of me, because it put me into the servant role constantly and more importantly, I never went home with a sense of "winning."

    Probably the OP would have been happier with med school and becoming a doctor. Most of the engineers and chemists I know who went into med became DOs, actually. And they are quite happy with that career choice, if not with the downward pressure on wages, lol.
    Yup, no clear wins and not a position of power. In bedside nursing, if you don't find satisfaction in nursing sick people and doing your best to take care of them and their families, there aren't a lot of external rewards. Your win is if you help save the patient's life, or help the patient's health improve and support the patient's family in the process. No-one's going to give you a medal, or promote you to CEO. In fact, you'll be lucky if your voice is even heard. Not a place for someone who needs to be in charge, be highly independent in their actions, and have their voice heard. Before you started nursing school, what persuaded you that a nursing career would fulfill these criteria?
    anotherone and Fiona59 like this.
  5. Visit  BlueDevil,DNP profile page
    2
    I stopped reading after page 2, forgive me if I missed something pertinent. In a nutshell I am just like you and I am extremely successful in my present position. Patients self select. If they want warm and fuzzy they gravitate elsewhere. There actually aren't any warm and fuzzy providers at all in our clinic, but there are others in town, lol. We are all direct, to the point, no nonsense. We run on time and don't tolerate shenanigans from our patients. If they don't like us they are free to keep going down the road, and they do. Sometimes with a great deal of drama. One of my peers had someone hauled out in handcuffs for mouthing off to him today, lol.

    My point is, the qualities that you feel you lack are unnecessary to be a successful NP, so don't sweat it. Finish school and look for a position in the right environment with colleagues that will support you. You don't want to work with a touchy feelly type or you would kill each other, lol. And I agree that ED, urgent care and some of the specialties might be perfect for you if primary care is not your gig.
    netglow and anotherone like this.
  6. Visit  Susie2310 profile page
    0
    Quote from BlueDevil,DNP
    I stopped reading after page 2, forgive me if I missed something pertinent. In a nutshell I am just like you and I am extremely successful in my present position. Patients self select. If they want warm and fuzzy they gravitate elsewhere. There actually aren't any warm and fuzzy providers at all in our clinic, but there are others in town, lol. We are all direct, to the point, no nonsense. We run on time and don't tolerate shenanigans from our patients. If they don't like us they are free to keep going down the road, and they do. Sometimes with a great deal of drama. One of my peers had someone hauled out in handcuffs for mouthing off to him today, lol.

    My point is, the qualities that you feel you lack are unnecessary to be a successful NP, so don't sweat it. Finish school and look for a position in the right environment with colleagues that will support you. You don't want to work with a touchy feelly type or you would kill each other, lol. And I agree that ED, urgent care and some of the specialties might be perfect for you if primary care is not your gig.
    BlueDevil, did you not say on a previous thread that "Compassion is the difference between your board being full or empty" or words to that effect?
    Last edit by Susie2310 on Jan 24, '13
  7. Visit  barbyann profile page
    1
    Quote from grpman
    Your post could be seen with a fair amount of irony. Your reason for being sarcastic is due to spending a lot of time (shift from H E L L) with the same people the OP is tired of dealing with. I think you might be able to relate to him, although just a little, if you tried to forget your horrible shift filled with needy people.
    The shift was hellish because I was surrounded by staff who will find ANY excuse to not answer a call light. Basically, they just don't like to attend to the sick needy people.
    anotherone likes this.
  8. Visit  grpman profile page
    4
    Quote from barbyann
    The shift was hellish because I was surrounded by staff who will find ANY excuse to not answer a call light. Basically, they just don't like to attend to the sick needy people.
    Sorry you had to deal with that. However, I guess my point still stands. It seems like staff didn't like dealing with the sick needy people. It also seems like you didn't like dealing with extra sick needy people (I'm sure there are several legitimate reasons why you didn't).

    I just don't think his issue is worth the OP being berated. Especially when down deep I'm sure most of us can relate, even if it is just a little.
  9. Visit  netglow profile page
    1
    Susie2310, I don't know what kind of role you have, but I seriously don't know of ANY nurse that fits this warm and fuzzy doormat description you made?! Most nurses I know are highly educated and came into this field to use this education and ability to make things happen for their patients. We don't play the game you speak of - in fact I don't know any NPs that do or physicians that do either. If nursing was as you described, I'd cut the pay for all nurses at least in half. Nursing is definitely not as you describe in action or in theory?!
    Szasz_is_Right likes this.
  10. Visit  Radnurse54 profile page
    6
    Oh right, send him to administration...so we can have yet one more, disconnected, disinterested beauracratic administrator to oversee the care of sick people, from whom they are totally detached.
    I think....NO
    Linda
    monkeybug, Dazglue, GrnTea, and 3 others like this.
  11. Visit  Radnurse54 profile page
    2
    Not ED either, think again. As an ED nurse for 28 years I assure you that though it is easy to become jaded and disgusted by the abuse and misuse of the system by patients and their irresponsible behavior, however, those who are critically ill, injured and mentally ill deserve care and compassion too.
    I think ED would also be a NO.
    Linda
    GrnTea and CloudySue like this.
  12. Visit  Susie2310 profile page
    0
    Quote from netglow
    Susie2310, I don't know what kind of role you have, but I seriously don't know of ANY nurse that fits this warm and fuzzy doormat description you made?! Most nurses I know are highly educated and came into this field to use this education and ability to make things happen for their patients. We don't play the game you speak of - in fact I don't know any NPs that do or physicians that do either. If nursing was as you described, I'd cut the pay for all nurses at least in half. Nursing is definitely not as you describe in action or in theory?!
    netglow, please see my previous post on this thread where I said that being warm and fuzzy is not the same as being empathic and caring. I also stated that reason and analysis are not incompatible with empathy and caring. I'm not sure what game you are referring to me speaking of; I haven't mentioned any that I know of.
  13. Visit  CloudySue profile page
    0
    What's the difference between "warm and fuzzy" and "empathic and caring"? I would think that, to a patient, they are perceived as the same thing.
  14. Visit  SleeepyRN profile page
    1
    Quote from CloudySue
    What's the difference between "warm and fuzzy" and "empathic and caring"? I would think that, to a patient, they are perceived as the same thing.
    You can be empathetic on the inside while setting boundaries. But when you set boundaries, some patients might just think you're "mean" because you are not acting "warm and fuzzy."
    Szasz_is_Right likes this.


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