How to deal with the old/experienced nurses?!

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 31, 2012

Tothe OP- it's med-surg. There is no "e" in surgical. I'm 65 and still working. Correcting poor grammer and spelling is about as grouchy as I get. I was so lucky, as a new grad, to go to a floor where all of the nurses who worked there chose to work on a teaching floor and went out of their way to help us orientees learn the ropes. I don't know why so many nurses are so ignorant and ill-tempered. Yeah, I wish my 401K didn't crash but that has nothing to do with you. I wish all hospitals had "orientation floors" where you could feel a part of the team from the getgo before being discharged to work on your ultimate unit. Just remember how you felt when it's your turn to usher in a new grad into the profession.

With all due respect it is grammar...I think....but I get grouchy about that as well.

And to the OP......just don't call us "old". And "old" and "experienced" are two wildly different things....

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 31, 2012

Hello!
I m a new RN on A med-surge floor and most of my co-workers are old nurses that have been on that floor for years! They don't seem to like me and i have NO idea why! I am a quiet person. I mean i like to socialize but I am not that loud person ( because I still feel a stranger to the floor). Anyways some of them ignore me if I ask a question, others yell at me for the smallest mistakes ( one yelled at me cause I didn't change the NS bag that was good for another 3hours and even tho I put a new bag in the room, she wanted it change) i am nice to them! I try to talk and use humour but most of them just give me the look and roll their eye!
How should I treat them or deal with them?

Maybe your new colleagues are sensing that you don't like or disrespect them? You start out by saying that most of your co-workers are old nurses (not OLDER) who have been on that floor for years . . . your very first sentence indicates a lack of basic respect for these nurses. In your second sentence, you've assumed that they don't like you -- and claim that you don't know why. I see nothing to indicate that you've spoken with these colleagues and they've told you they don't like you -- but if they really don't like you, one of the first things I'd consider is that they've tuned in to the fact that you don't like or respect them.

I appreciate being quiet and feeling like a stranger to the floor. I'm quiet too. Even strangers to the floor, though, can make a point of a pleasant greeting when you encounter your new colleagues. Ask them how their holiday was, and then follow up later by mentioning that you bet their son/daughter/grandchild/furry critter/whatever is enjoying/not enjoying the lovely/horrible weather while they're on school break/whatever. Be interested in them and project friendliness and interest. Even us old bats respond better to newbies who are friendly to us than to newbies who disrespect us, act as if they don't like us or avoid talking to us.

Are your colleagues actually YELLING at you? Really? Or is it just that you've received some negative feedback and are describing that as yelling? You are brand new, and should expect to receive negative feedback. Lots of it. Unless, of course, you're that rare creature who is perfect, you're going to make mistakes and it is the job of the experienced nurses on your unit to notice, point out and correct your mistakes. They'd be doing you a horrific disservice if they didn't, not to mention the disservice they'd be doing your patients. I'm not sure why it was such a big deal for you NOT to change the IV bag. If the experienced nurse told you to change it, assume that there is a reason and change it. Then make sure you understand her rationale. If, after considering her rationale for changing the IV bag early you really think she was wrong, you're free to disregard her advice and do it your way after you've been working there a year or two. But in the mean time, do it her way. She's the one with the experience.

Now in your last sentence, you say you try to talk and use humor, but they just give you "the look." I'm not sure what "the look" is, but from what you've said, you're reading minds again. Or at least you think you can. And since you stated earlier that you're not that social with your colleagues, I'm sure the "talking and using humor" takes some of them by surprise and feels incongruous.

You are the new person, entering a unit with an established culture and entrenched team. You're going to have to fit into that culture, not expect it to change for you. Part of your difficulty seems to be your lack of respect and genuine liking for your colleagues. Part of it seems to be your assumption that you know what they're thinking based on facial expressions or whatever. Part of it stems from your assumption that you know more than your experienced colleagues. And part of it seems to be an inability or unwillingness on your part to accept the inevitable negative feedback that comes with being new to a job. You can turn this around, but you have to first accept that it's not their fault. It's yours.

FlyingScot, RN · Dec 31, 2012

The saying goes "Nursing is one of the only professions that eat their young"

My thoughts EXACTLY. OP, my advice is to get this thread closed before the older nurses come here for a snack.

Oh for Pete's sake. Come on people. Nursing does not have the corner market for being mean to new people. Neither do old or experienced nurses. Humans eat other humans in all walks of life and at all stages of the game.

Just because someone doesn't agree with you does not mean they are snacking on you even if they don't sugar-coat it.

Unless someone actually raises their voice they are not "yelling" at you. They may be snapping or curt but they are not yelling.

To the OP, I'm sorry you do not feel welcome in your current job. That truly sucks. My best advice is to do your job, help out everyone (even the mean ones) and find a sympathetic co-worker (but do not complain about the others to this person) to chat with. Rely on your outside of work friends and family to be the emotional support you need. The "old guard", as it were, will come around on their own time. And if they don't, so be it. Learn to be confident without others open approval and/or find a different environment that suits you better.

kat7464 · Dec 31, 2012

Why not ask them for some pearls of wisdom? Certainly they have seen n done far more than u have, and would probably love to share if they sense you are teachable. They could be your best new nursing friends....solid gems in a very scary world nowadays.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Dec 31, 2012

Dear Anna,
I am very sorry that this is happening to you. My experience, 15 years ago was totally opposite. Now that I am a preceptor myself, I am continuing that unspoken tradition of grooming new nurses and expect it to be propagated.
I do not want any graduate nurse to have misconception or preconceived notion about veteran nurses that they are unkind or snarky because that is an exception, not a norm. To tell you the truth Anna, there is not much you can do because you cannot change people. You do not need to think that there is anything that you are doing is wrong either. You just need to shrug and say to yourself, "Oh well".

I love your advice Vishwamir!

I will soon be on that opposite coin that you are at Anna. Start my PICU RN job in February. As an LPN, ( and after I got licensed as an RN) I was a preceptor RNs and LPNs. I have seen the ones who thought they "knew it all" to the ones who are deathly scared to touch a pt. I showed them the ropes either way. Yes, some nurses may "eat their young," but a lot of times, it's their own experiences, and other internal workings you have no business even examining, which I mean, you cannot control a person's behavior or personality.

I have one "attempt"of "eating their young" story. I was a float nurse in one of the nation's top Spinal Cord injury and Rehab hospitals in the country-that's what they said *shrugs* They took a chance on me, first LPN job. Loved the flexibility. On the general rehab floor, they had a notorious habit of giving me, any float nurse AND agency nurses the SCI pts, as well as the pt's they thought were "too heavy" to be in their floor. I can onto evening shift and I looked at the schedule. At first, I was going to take it...then I thought about it, and then I went to the Nurse Managers office. I was pleasant, we had small talk, then politely explained what they did to assignment, and told them I noticed that they did that to others as well. They fixed the schedule of course, BUT one LPN who had been at the facility for 30 years, AND made the schedule, made a snarky remark. I sized my shoulders up, closed the door to the report room, and told them "This will be the first and last time I will ever talk about this again. What you did was unfair. I know you didn't like it, and you think I'm lazy and have an "easy" assignment. Well, I'll see you at 9:30 like I'm always done, while I watch you continue your assignment. I am willing to help you anytime." Well, I was done, and this person was still doing their work. He never asked for my help...but what I found out is regardless if this person's assignment, he was always working to the last hour, and his accusation WAS NOT a reflection of me or my work.

Sometimes our personality shines through as an indicator of what nurse we are to become, and sometimes nurses want to bring it down a notch-they may even think they are trying to "help" you. Keep asking those questions, be a positive team player, and learn from them, and keep building on your nursing career. It does take time for personalities to iron out, and you learn what boundaries you need when you interact with certain co workers in order to work together...it can be done! *hugs* Do the best you can, and you may be the go to preceptor for new nurses and do a BETTER job!

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Dec 31, 2012

I cringe when I read some of these responses b/c they are so defensive, and they are likely defensive b/c they have or do treat new nurses the same way. Posters, we need to do some self-reflection, regardless of what experience we have or what generation we represent. The OP is likely a decent nurse who is capable of accepting constructive criticism. Regardless of where you are in your nursing career, you are worthy of respect from your colleagues. It we could all adopt this attitude, it would create a higher quality environment for our patients and move our profession forward.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Dec 31, 2012

I cringe when I read some of these responses b/c they are so defensive and they are likely defensive b/c they have or do treat new nurses the same way. Posters, we need to do some self-reflection, regardless of what experience we have or what generation we represent. The OP is likely a decent nurse who is capable of accepting constructive criticism. Regardless of where you are in your nursing career, you are worthy of respect from your colleagues. It we could all adopt this attitude, it would create a higher quality environment for our patients and move our profession forward.[/quote']
Agreed!! We could really change the current culture! I want more nurses and a great team to be surrounded by whenever there is a crisis, a patient that needs help getting up, or a new policy or EHR that we need to learn. I want them to enjoy and last in this profession as long as I can (I guess 15-20 plus more years...), and it helps if you are surrounded by people who are going to support each other! We all have great strengths to put our best foot forward in helping our colleagues at any stage of their career.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 31, 2012

I cringe when I read some of these responses b/c they are so defensive, and they are likely defensive b/c they have or do treat new nurses the same way. Posters, we need to do some self-reflection, regardless of what experience we have or what generation we represent. The OP is likely a decent nurse who is capable of accepting constructive criticism. Regardless of where you are in your nursing career, you are worthy of respect from your colleagues. It we could all adopt this attitude, it would create a higher quality environment for our patients and move our profession forward.

The poster is a new nurse by her own admission. That means, unless things have changed drastically since I was a new nurse, that she is more or less incompetent. New nurses make mistakes as they're learning to become competent nurses, and consequently they receive negative feedback. The OP's post indicated that she didn't receive negative feedback well. That's going to be a problem for her and hinder her in her career. She needs to work on that.

I haven't read many defensive posts by older or experienced nurses on this thread, but I have read a lot of posts from folks who are assuring the OP that she's a great nurse and shouldn't be treated "so poorly." I'm not convinced that she's being treated poorly, although I'm fairly certain she isn't showing respect for her colleagues' experience.

By the way . . . why all the shouting?

SCSTxRN · Dec 31, 2012

I have to respond to the "Nursing is one of the only professions that eat their young" quote - I've yet to work in a position that didn't haze their new members.

Fast food, Waitress, Teacher, Bartender, Nurse... Over the last 16 years, I've worked at least as many jobs (not much for having just one job) in various fields.. the only job I didn't get a little 'hazing' by my coworkers when I started was a clown gig. Literally.

To the new nurse: As a (haha) old nurse - well, the oldest on my unit anyway, orienting a bunch of newbies - I wish they would just do what I tell them to do the way that I tell them to do it at least until they get off of orientation. My job is to train them safely in accordance with unit policies. I love to teach. But when I say you must call the MOD to report a FSBS less than 60, assymptomatic or not, and that you must recheck after intervention to see if it worked or not, and that you must write a nursing note on the fact that you did all of that and the results - it's really NOT because I like making people write notes or call doctors. It's because that's the policy of the unit, and that's what I have to train them to do, and if they don't do it, they feel picked on because I have to go behind them and make sure it gets done. Just do it. Saves us all the stress.

FTR - I love my orientees. I just want them to do well. And not get us both fired.

metal_m0nk, BSN, RN · Dec 31, 2012

I have it on good authority that you can soften RubyVee up with chocolate. I prefer pizza myself. Ask them about their grandkids, it usually helps. If you decide to stand up for yourself in some situation do it gently so you make allies, not enemies. You have every right to develop your own style, within what hospital policy allows. Try to catch them giving you good advice, and thank them- try to teach them how to treat you.
Unfortunately there's always one or two battleaxes in every crowd. It's hard being new, and even harder when you don't have experience to boost your self confidence. I hope you have one or two good teachers in the mix too.

Who doesn't love chocolate?

In all honesty though, I tend to get on well with the battleaxe types. I was raised by a no-nonsense, rough around the edges, hard-working and intelligent woman. I understand them better than most my age. My skin is thick and I'm not easily intimidated. But I also know when to keep my mouth shut...most of the time anyway.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Dec 31, 2012

Well, I am an older, experienced nurse. I have a good nature, am friendly, and do not bring my troubles to work. I'd be easy for you to get along with - just feed me! Or throw $$$$. Just kidding.

I know that so many nurses and nurses' aides are among the most miserable, unhappy people I've ever met. They are severely stressed by their workload in a lot of cases. Switching to electronic med records has been terribly stressful for my coworkers, for example. They are slowly learning how to do it, but it takes so much extra time at first.

I know that a lot of workers have troubles with money, their kids, their spouses or ex's, their transportation, baby sitters, their own or their loved ones' health, or they are going through menopause or divorce - or both. There's no end to the problems people go through. Or maybe they're having trouble with the boss or our other coworkers. And having new nurses around can get annoying, for a number of reasons.

Unless you are aware of any issues involving you, their unfriendliness or rudeness is probably not due to you per se. It's due to them being miserably unhappy or stressed. It is easier said than done, but try not to let them get to you. Learn what you can from them, keep quiet until you are admitted to their cliques, keep out of their way as much as you can, keep a low profile.

Consider bringing some food to work occasionally, ask what you can do to help them once in a while if you have time, give some compliments if you can do so sincerely. Don't be naive and be super cheerful around unhappy people. I used to get irked with people who were cynical about criminals ever making something good of their lives. Now I am cynical, too, and realize how annoying I must have been to those coworkers back then on that issue.

Maybe some of them want to be married but haven't found love yet. Or vice versa - they want divorce and a new start. Or whatever dramas are going on in their personal lives. Just try to be kind to everyone and not let their shortcomings get you down. Best wishes.

RNfaster · Dec 31, 2012

I think healthcare institutions often have cultures that can be unwelcoming --and unsafe. I think poor cultures must be changed consciously - by the leadership of healthcare institutions and by the individual workers, as well. Some institutions are proactive in improving culture. Some aren't.

A culture of safety includes civility and teamwork. We must make new teammates feel welcome and supported. New teammates must also give respect and work hard. Fostering teamwork supports safety, as I see it. It helps people be unafraid to ask for help. We must also remember generational differences and communication/personality differences. And, in the face of bad behavior, we should still speak up and advocate for our patients.

This is a great video featuring Peter Pronovost that is thought-provoking.

- part 2

- part 3

In time, the OP's teammates will likely warm up. It's a shame that they have not yet. The OP can look to the OP's behavior and work to change it. But the OP should also be aware of cultural factors...(and work to make a better culture).