Do pt families every drive you crazy?

Nurses Relations

Published

ugh I have a pt that the one family member always has something to say about something. nothing is ever good enough. the pt has osteomyelitis and has been to wound care and was discharged, and was also on 6+ weeks of vanco IV. Well wound care discharged the pt after they where satisfied with the skin growth over the wound. Well this particular family member went to almost all the wound care appts and bugged the crap out of the wound care MD and his nurses about every little thing to the point he was writing stupid orders just to make them happy. Well the pt has an order for gauze to be woven between the toes and to have double socks to "protect the toe".

the day after the pt stopped the IV a blackened area developed on the toe near the wound the I notified the MD and the MD said that it was because of the osteomyelitis and gave no new orders but just to do the dressing from the wound care MD.

this family member comes in today and starts ranting and raving about how the wound was bleeding "everywhere" in reality it was a very light smudge most likely caused by all the extra pressure and friction of double socks and gauze. This family member then proceeds to tell me that they think its not being done like its suppose to be and without saying it that its my fault. I have jumped through hoops with this family member and its never enough, if you don't like me fine but geez its not my fault your parent has an infection that will NEVER go away. ugh this person makes me want to tear my hair out!

so to make her happy we are sending the pt back to wound care and making the dressing BID. I tried explaining what osteomyelitis is and what it does all I get is "I know I went to the wound care appts so I know everything that's going on", grrrr.... *bang head on desk*

There was no explaining anything to this person everything I tried to say she would question and would keep saying the same thing over and over and over. Another nurse had to step in and stop the conversation (thank god), the family member was even talking about going to my unit manager (who is new and knows next to nothing about the pts on the unit) but then would say that they not here to get anyone in trouble but cant understand why it takes for when they (she) to come in for something to be done.

I just want to look at this person sometimes and go well the POA seems to be happy with the way we are taking care of the pt, haven't heard any complaints from them and they are here more then you.

Ok that's my rant, deep breath, and Smile. :)

I had a patient this week whose daughter was an administrator from another hospital from another city. She demanded to have access to her father's chart so she could look through it at her leisure. I wasn't sure if this was acceptable (I'm a new grad) so I went and asked my charge nurse. She said it was OK if the patient agreed, but I had to stay in the room next to the computer since the chart was opened under my name. The daughter stood there for about 15 minutes browsing through the chart and was annoyed that I was right there. All the while she was doing this, I had other patients I needed to see and get my meds passed and assessments done! I had to finally tell her she needed to finish up because I had other things to do. She was irritated with me and kept reiterating the fact that she was a medical professional and need to get information on her dad. Then she proceeds to tell me what needs to be done and what orders need to be changed and so on. Really?? Seriously lady?

I can't even begin to tell you how frustrated and irritated I was!! If she's an administrator of another hospital, she should know that she was taking up my time that needed to be spent doing my job! Ugh.

YES. Patients' families always lie and make me look bad. "I've been waiting an hour for my nausea medication!" No, it's literally been 10 minutes... It's truly upsetting because it looks like you haven't been doing anything at all when in fact, you've been doing the opposite. You don't get noticed for all the great things you do. And then you get in trouble.

Specializes in Critical Care.

my least favorite are the ones who have dealt with a chronically ill family member who tells you how to do your job based upon a nurse they had 2 days ago and also states that they "might as well be a nurse themselves".....and i want to smack them and say "oh, well do some more googling because a nurse would not have let their diabetic husband develop a stage 4 sore on their foot, so....."

lol

ay yi yi

I hate when I walk into rooms and a family member says "did they warn you I'm trouble?" or "Just to let you know, I'm high maintenance." That lets me know it's going to be a looooong night. I usually tell them "I'm just glad you know so much about them because you can help me" and put them to work. Or, since I'm in a unit with small rooms, make sure I have to be wherever they put their chairs (seriously, this sounds mean, but the rooms are so tiny I usually do have to be where the chairs are). They usually end up leaving.

Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.

If these are simply family members and not the power of attorney, they have no say whatsoever about the patients care. I would remind them they are not the POA, and you are following the guidelines of the dr and the POA and if they have questions, they should take it up with them, but that you will not discuss the patients care with anyone but the POA and the pt.

Specializes in Psychiatry.

As a psych nurse I have seen occasions where the patient was the most sane one.

After reading all these posts, I come to the conclusion that many of the posters will feel differently about these people when they are old enough to have walked in some of those very uncomfortable shoes.

Until then ... work on empathy. Look hard, very hard, for the reasons that these people behave the way they do. When you have that figured out, which includes learning better ways to do mindful, systematic interviews without making it look like you are doing it, you'll have a better handle on how to feel about them and how to manage them.

Specializes in Emergency Room.
I hate myself for letting "them" get to me. I can tolerate a rude angry, patient like water to a duck, (up to a point.). I sometimes go above and beyond to give them extra time and care. Yet when there is an annoying crazy family member I will spend as little time with the patient as I can get away with.[/quote']

Exactly!! When my patients are difficult I often try to kill them with kindness and it works! 9/10 times they will come around and wind up being my best friend. But with families this just doesn't work. Don't know why it is. Annoying family members do nothing to benefit the patient except give the staff reason to stay away.

I understand a lot of it comes from guilt, denial, anxiety, fear etc etc, totally understandable. But that in no way is an excuse for rudeness. My family recently had a very frightening and stressful experience with my dad being in ICU, and as the only one in healthcare, I had to do all the communicating with the team and relaying messages back to the family etc. they were all terrified and had no idea what was going on unless I explained it (it was very eye-opening to be on that end of the situation) however not once were any of them rude to the medical team, nor did they take it out on them. Not even with the doctor who messed up and caused the complications. There is just no excuse for that kind of behavior.

There are many families like you describe. It's hard to be right when they received their medical education on Google!

These are the people I refer to as "Web MDs" :D

After reading all these posts, I come to the conclusion that many of the posters will feel differently about these people when they are old enough to have walked in some of those very uncomfortable shoes.

Until then ... work on empathy. Look hard, very hard, for the reasons that these people behave the way they do. When you have that figured out

SERIOUSLY!!!! We all know the reason that the family members behave this way, but that is not an excuse to behave in a manner that is rude, aggressive and just downright mean. Most of them do it because THEY CAN!!! I get it, they have lost control over their loved ones illness and they want to have some kind of control and the only place to get it- is by bossing/bullying the healthcare team. It is inappropriate behavior no matter how you look at it. GRNTea- what your saying is putting the responsibility of how the relatives behave onto the nurse, families should be responsible for their own behavior- Nurses have enough to do!!!

These are the people I refer to as "Web MDs" :D

I used to visit Healthboards and was amazed at all the "physicians" and "radiologists" that post there! Someone needs an MRI read? Just post it there and one of the self proclaimed "experts" will tell you what it means! They will also tell you if that spine surgery the surgeon said you need is really needed!

Specializes in Emergency Room.

Thank you milfordmom!

+ Add a Comment