Bullying

[Nittybelle]

I started working at a place where staff seem to be like a clique and talk about another staff member behind her back because she doesn't meet their standards; its wierd to me... So now i feel like because i am new i am taking the load off of her and they are starting to gab about me. I dont seem to be fast enough, etc... But you know what, it kind of relieves me because it does take the insulting off of the other nurse, and i hope they realize that not all people are not perfect including them. Is it wierd or what? I think its working... And the bullying on the other nurse has been less.

[leslie :-D]

don't get me wrong -- bullying exists. i just don't think it exists to the same degree that some "victims" insist that it does.

exactly comparable to the concept of nurses eating their young...

with the (experienced and/or older) nurses, being the bullies.

when labels are overused, they tend to lose their credibility...as it should.

people actually need to understand ea of their prospective meanings:

it gives innocent people undeserved reputations.

leslie

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

I would be embarassed to go to my manager crying about something someone said............ how humiliating. i don't know how people go about this with a straight face.............

[sasha2lady]

While the bullying may seem less on the nurse A because they are focusing on you, DON'T let this continue or you're working days will become miserable.

Bullying is so common now. I've dealt with it to an extent myself by one particular nurse coworker (who is now being promoted to a mgmt job so.....since she hates me who knows how long my job will be around) who has challenged almost every decision or action I've made about our residents. She has tried to argue with me and belittle me in front of other staff, she's ripped down information I've put out for the MD to see and said in front of me and others (" this is S***! He don't need to know this!") one time it was when I was requesting an xray to appease a family member....turned out I WAS RIGHT-pt had a fx that we didn't know about...and the MD didn't evaluate anything for days because she threw my information away. Me and this beast have went head to head several times in the past but she is a miserable person.

It physically makes my head and stomach hurt to this day to even speak to this nurse. She is so sour and hateful to all of us except for 3 other nurses who she is very cliquish with.

Just don't let yourself get all caught up in that scene or be the victim.

[Nittybelle]

I just don't get how nurses can be so mean to each other... since my post, I have been able to foster morale with everyone and things are turning around. I noticed they are treating Nurse A better and are accepting me. I can't believe you are going through all of that bull----! Thanks for your input. I am on alert.

[losbozos]

I so agree w/ your post. I think many of us have worked w/ people that are less than professional and need a "talking to"; not a "talking about". That is a form of bullying and very unprofessional. One may believe it isn't bullying because the victim's behavior is unprofessional. That doesn't give anyone free license to extend the "behind the back" courtesy comments to anyone. Document privately and turn it over to your supervisor. Or if you feel more comfortable, talk w/ the other person-sometimes that can be hard. I feel it might be better coming from the manager. But it starts with YOU; just say, "I have a concern" and go from there.

[rn/writer, RN]

Not all unsocial behavior is bullying. To have posters keep referirng to every instance of people not getting along as bullying is getting old. Managers need to step in when there are serious patterns or when folks are truly out of control, but to hear every unpleasant person referred to as a bully and to seek drastic punishment or even termination when much of what I see described is the normal friction of living and working with other people is absurd.

How about along with sensitivity training for the uncouth we have less-sensitivity training for the overly fragile and the people-pleasers who were never taught how to stand up for themselves or stand strong in their own spirits when someone says something that they say hurts their feelings.

I do not mean to diminish the dire effects suffered by those who are actually being bullied. But so much of what is talked about here does not begin to rise to that level.

Adults need to take responsibility for their own feelings. If someone says something "mean" to you, examine it for anything constructive and throw away the rest. Do not allow such a person to take up space in your head. That's just a waste of good energy.

Learn how to be assertive and stand your ground without resorting to aggression. The more you cave in while crying the blues about how terrible the other person is, the more you invite a repeat performance.

People who are rude need to be called on their bad behavior and have others set realistic boundaries. But this is usually best done first hand. Unless someone is telling actual lies about your work or is in some other way making it impossible for you to do your job, running to management to solve garden variety disputes is childish and gives the mean ones the upper hand. Management can't be there all time to hold your hand and make the other person be "nice." Much like a wimpy kid can walk taller after some martial arts lessons, you have to seek after education and training that will improve your own confidence and invite respect.

That's the problem in many of these situations. People who lack confidence or who are overly dependent on the approval of others do not invite respect because they communicate this weakness. If management steps in and censures the bad guy but the one who complained makes no effort to do any self examination and improvement, chances are there will be more sparks down the road.

Am I saying it's okay to be mean? No. I am saying that too many people lack the ability to handle even a normal level of interpersonal conflict. It feels unfamiliar and bad, so they want to make it stop. But if they are willing to learn this important life skill, they stand a good chance of, a) feeling better and safer, and, b) becoming less vulnerable as their confidence grows and shows.

We've spent too many years promoting the false idea that we should all just get along and ignoring the fact that lots of times we just don't. Domestic tranquility is a nice enough goal, but it's rarely the way human beings function. It would be far better to teach our kids what to do when people don't get along and how they can conduct themselves when someone else is behaving badly. Then they'd be equipped to go out into the world and live strong.

Will that solve all the problems? No. There will always be some hard-core kitten-kickers and party spoilers. But the average mean person will think twice before unloading on those who don't fall apart when they think that someone doesn't like them.

[rainbowskin]

No matter where you go there will be people having a bad day who take it out on others and bullies..

It's all about how you handle it. As a nurse you have to protect yourself and the patients, if someone is irresponsible talk to them about it first, if they are unruly report it to someone. Bullies and people with bad attitudes truly do put patient care at risk. I worked in an alzheimers unit and whenever the nurses on a shift were having personal issues it showed in the patients, they would get very agitated.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

not all unsocial behavior is bullying. to have posters keep referirng to every instance of people not getting along as bullying is getting old. managers need to step in when there are serious patterns or when folks are truly out of control, but to hear every unpleasant person referred to as a bully and to seek drastic punishment or even termination when much of what i see described is the normal friction of living and working with other people is absurd.

how about along with sensitivity training for the uncouth we have less-sensitivity training for the overly fragile and the people-pleasers who were never taught how to stand up for themselves or stand strong in their own spirits when someone says something that they say hurts their feelings.

i do not mean to diminish the dire effects of those who are actually being bullied. but so much of what is talked about here does not begin to rise to that level.

adults need to take responsibility for their own feelings. if someone says something "mean" to you, examine it for anything constructive and throw away the rest. do not allow such a person to take up space in your head. that's just a waste of good energy.

learn how to be assertive and stand your ground without resorting to aggression. the more you cave in while crying the blues about how terrible the other person is, the more you invite a repeat performance.

people who are rude need to be called on their bad behavior and have others set realistic boundaries. unless someone is telling actual lies about your work or is in some other way making it impossible for you to do your job, running to management to solve garden variety disputes is childish and gives the mean ones the upper hand. management can't be there all time to hold your hand and make the other person be "nice." much like a wimpy kid can walk taller after some martial arts lessons, you have to seek after education and training that will improve your own confidence and invite respect.

that's the problem in many of these situations. people who lack confidence or who are overly dependent on the approval of others do not invite respect because they communicate this weakness. if management steps in and censures the bad guy but the one who complained makes no effort to do any self examination and improvement, chances are there will be more sparks down the road.

am i saying it's okay to be mean? no. i am saying that too many people lack the ability to handle even a normal level of interpersonal conflict. it feels unfamiliar and bad, so they want to make it stop. but if they are willing to learn this important life skill, they stand a good chance of, a) feeling better and safer, and, b) becoming less vulnerable as their confidence grows and shows.

we've spent too many years promoting the false idea that we should all just get along and ignoring the fact that lots of times we just don't. domestic tranquility is a nice enough goal, but it's rarely the way human beings function. it would be far better to teach our kids what to do when people don't get along and how they can conduct themselves when someone else is behaving badly. then they'd be equipped to go out into the world and live strong.

will that solve all the problems? no. there will always be some hard-core kitten-kickers and party spoilers. but the average mean person will think twice before unloading on those who don't fall apart when they think that someone doesn't like them.

a thousand kudos please!

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

My thoughts exactly RV. I wish I could Kudo that more than once. The funny thing is that when you hear about so much negativity, viciousness and hate in the work place and brace yourself for it and expect it and then it doesn't happen, you wind up wondering if you somehow landed on the Good Ship Lollipop or if your assessment skills are on the fritz.

[OCNRN63, RN]

I have been accused by a nurse of bullying, but that same nurse has accused others as well. However I haven't been caught sleeping at at the nurses station by co-worker. I don't receive long distance calls on the hospitals phone. I don't listen to loud music and sing at the nurses station at 3AM. I don't sit and do my husbands home work while I'm on shift. I don't go into a patients room (confused or not) with my cell phone at my ear. I have however discussed this with other co-workers and there is a huge level of frustration among our nurse about the situation and I'm sure it ones across when we deal with her, but I guess we kind of have a don't tell policy amongst each other and no one really says anything about her to management. Let me tell you though, I'm getting close.

Do you do any pt. care? You seem to be awfully pre-occupied with what this other nurse does, and you gossip to other co-workers about her.

[fltnrse2, ASN, RN]

I can't seem to find the three part article written by RNWriter. I couldn't find it as a blog. I would like to read the articles.

FLTNRSE