Accused of being racist - how to handle?

Nurses Relations

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In caring for an African American child this morning, her father accused me of being both "racist" and "uppity." Apparently, while I was tending to his child, he asked me repeatedly how to make a long-distance phone call with a calling card. I gave him the instructions as I know them, but apparently he was still unable to place this call. His child was de-satting at the time, and had blood coming from the incisions in her mouth and secretions pouring from her trach. His phone call was not at the top of my priority list.

So he asked me if "you have something against black people or something." I guess because I was tending to his child and not helping him place his important phone call, I'm now racist.

I'm having a hard time because a) I feel very insulted and b) I'm supposed to teach him how to care for his child so she can go home today. How receptive to me is he going to be if he thinks I'm racist? And I'm not sure about dealing with my own feelings after being accused of being racist.

I'm honestly not sure how he got that I'm racist just because I was occupied at the moment and couldn't help him place his phone call. In all honesty, I'm pretty pissed. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.
I would have said, look, I can't help you right now. My first priority is the child. Either you can wait for me to take care of the child or you can go to the information desk and get help there.

I agree .

well, i guess my main concern was in that situation, where i couldn't or wasn't allowed to change assignment, how do i continue to provide quality care, when part of that care includes teaching the parents (the ones who have the problem with me) how to care for their child?
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do nurses have a right to refuse an assignment? can nurses request to change patient with someone else? if a nurse refuses, can mangers still force her to keep her same assignment?

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

again, obviously this is a very heated topic. please keep the comments focused on the original post and helping the op if possible. clearly, in our country (usa) we have a very long way to go in improving race relations.

Specializes in ER, ICU, cardiac.

Wow this is a sad and heated discussion, but in my opinion it all boils to down to one peice of advice i got from a senior nurse when i had my first bad family experiance.

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER BE PLEASED.

Just imagine, you haven't slept, your child is sick, you are staying in a motel b/c you and your family are homeless. Unfortunalty this man is under a high level of stress and unfortunalty you were the easy target. it is so sad b/c it happens all the time. As nurses we are supposed to mend the sick, get the mom a coke, give a bath, direct them to the bathroom, hook them up with a social worker. Being a nurse is so many jobs and you kept your priorities in the right spot. I have been in similar situations where i was yelled at for being "unsympathetic to the smoker/minorities/drinkers/etc.........." you cannot please everyone. just kill them with kindness b/c at the end of the day, you know what kind of a nurse you are. If you really were an uppity racist *%#$* you probably wouldn't have your job anymore. I could give you so many examples and i am sure everyone on here can. The families can be way worse than the patients in a lot of instances. Just take a deep breath and know you did the right thing. It isn't running from the situation by not taking the assignment back. like someone else said, it is just bowing out gracefully. Just know he probably just doesn't know how to cope with the situation and is upset. sorry and i hope things get better!

It used to bother me. It happens a lot in triage, for one.

i always bring it back to fact in one short sentence, so we both know it's the end of that discussion. Nothing further needed and no more will be entertained. Works when anyone decides we're "not fair." B/c really, there's no arguing with people so we might as well discuss what's really appropriate. I've had to tell a few people that I won't be discussing anything besides their care from that point forward.

"My priority is to assist your child at this moment."

"I need to see the most acute patient first."

"I was tied up with a complex patient but I will help you shortly."

"I'm sorry, that person got a chair in the hall b/c they aren't vomiting like you. You would prefer a bed, correct?"

"No, it's not b/c you're black. It's because you're drunk, sedated from your own drugs and so lethargic from that concussion that you don't need any more pain medication. You need a CT scan."

I also really enjoy getting called racist or told that I don't give good care to minorities or the poor. B/c a) I'm Asian and b) I grew up dirt poor with intermittent housing and basic needs. It always makes me smile to myself. "You don't know what it's like to have nothing!" I'm sorry, did you come here secured in the bottom of a boat, too? ;)

Although, I'm always sympathetic unless people are ridiculous. Even then I can get by with some coffee in me.

Kudos to you, my dear, for what you've overcome, and for not falling into the trap of self-pity!! I've also heard the statement many times 'You don't know what it's like!' How on earth can they look at me today, and realize what I've overcome to get there.

Specializes in Tele, ICU, ER.
Kudos to you, my dear, for what you've overcome, and for not falling into the trap of self-pity!! I've also heard the statement many times 'You don't know what it's like!' How on earth can they look at me today, and realize what I've overcome to get there.

The very fact that these people DON'T know us, blunts their insults and cruel comments. In order to truly insult me, you have to KNOW me, otherwise it's just your assumptions coming out of your mouth.

This guy lost any sympathy from me after the OPs update post where he went over the edge. Obviously, he's an angry man, and not dealing with the added stress on top of it. We nurses are the ones people see most and we're the ones who get the brunt of these lovely feelings and behaviors.

The OP did a great job in focusing on the child. That was the priority. I'm glad the management backed her up. In my place, if I had a situation like that, I'd have been able to grab one of my co-workers and say "please, would you take this guy, and I'll take your obnoxious OD?) and we usually help each other out that way.

I knew a white nurse who got accused of racism (in triage where tempers run very short). She almost laughed out loud. She's been married to an African American guy for over 20 years and they have 3 kids. Just goes to show, anyone of us can be accused of anything - doesn't have to have a basis in fact. I'd hope that any HCW that has really shown bias against a race (any race) would be stomped on real quick by co-workers and management. There are far more people out there who aren't racist than who are, and most of us aren't afraid of stomping on it when we see it. We're NURSES - we should be above such behavior, IMO.

One thing that always makes me ashamed of myself is that I clearly have racist feelings or I wouldn't be surprised when an articulate person I respect on this board reveals that they are black.

And I swear I don't know where it comes from. Here comes a great, big cliche - I really do, and always have had, friends of all ethnicities and backgrounds. My parents belonged to CORE back in the days when the civil rights movement was just fulminating. They deliberately lived in mixed neighborhoods and sent us to integrated schools, as was our church. I never heard racial slurs against anyone in my home. THEIR friends were of all kinds. I have mixed race nieces and nephews. I love them.

Anyway. This is completely non sequitur to this discussion, but I had to confess this. It really bothers me and I am surprised at discovering this about myself.

One thing that always makes me ashamed of myself is that I clearly have racist feelings or I wouldn't be surprised when an articulate person I respect on this board reveals that they are black.

And I swear I don't know where it comes from. Here comes a great, big cliche - I really do, and always have had, friends of all ethnicities and backgrounds. My parents belonged to CORE back in the days when the civil rights movement was just fulminating. They deliberately lived in mixed neighborhoods and sent us to integrated schools, as was our church. I never heard racial slurs against anyone in my home. THEIR friends were of all kinds. I have mixed race nieces and nephews. I love them.

Anyway. This is completely non sequitur to this discussion, but I had to confess this. It really bothers me and I am surprised at discovering this about myself.

Wow! I really applaud you and the amount of self-knowledge you have. Because you aware of these issues and biases you are able to address them. Because of the degree of insight you have you can ask yourself the important questions like "What real evidence do I have that this patient is drug-seeking, or am I jumping to conclusions because of the are black?" As opposed to just blinding believing you aren't capable of racism. All of us are capable of racism and few of us don't have racist thoughts or feelings.

I can't but compare your post to another on this thread. Amazing. You, I don't have any concerns about. But the another poster...

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
What is a religionist? Agree with remainder of statement.

I used it refer to those biased regarding different religions/belief systems.

Please review the number of threads on this BB on: That "X religion" nurses are better than others. The "war" on Christmas. Pt issues regarding those of a minority religion, or the ever present, "I don't someone who is "Y" caring for me".

The "Pagans cannot be "morally good people" because morality has to be based in religion" fallacies. That a religion must dictate what is to be right or wrong. These ideas show up regularly here.

Not to mention the "How could they refuse a blood transfusion and just let their loved one die".

All are isms/ists that need to be put aside.

affirmative action does not result in the loss of jobs or placement. it's point is in recruitment practices. the notion of quotas is an urban legend in most facilities. you lost your job for other reasons, not affirmative action. secondly, affirmative action helps women, mainly white (where there are gender issues), moreso than minorities- check the statistics.

here's a great irony that actually is contrary to what you are saying. in the past i've lost a couple of jobs to blacks due to affirmative action but ... it was a decision made by white managers.

now i work in a facility where most of my co-workers and supervisors are black. i'm actually in the minority since i'm white. but, recently, my supervisors were in a pinch and needed some help in an office job that was a mess and where nobody wanted to work. so i helped out and dived in without complaint.

apparently my supervisors were pleased with my work so, now they're giving me this job permanently. a month ago nobody wanted this job but now that i've been doing it and am ok with it ... others are complaining i'm being favored because it's an office job with good hours and overtime.

the only reason i got this was because i was pretty much the only one willing to dive in and help when the supervisors were in a tough spot. since i am white, i can only assume i got it due to merit.

the funny thing is ... i'm actually being rewarded based on merit more with my black supervisors than i ever did with my white supervisors. so if whites are being oppressed by blacks, i'm not seeing it because they certainly could "oppress" me if they wanted to ... but they're not ... quite the contrary, in fact.

:typing

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

And I gave the advice I gave, which you think is overkill, because I have seen the outcome of this type of groundless comment. It is, IMHO, not overkill at all, it is absolutely necessary for the OP to take the comment seriously because her boss will throw her to the dogs if this matter goes further.

As I said before,white oppression of blacks was wrong. Black oppression of whites is also wrong. And that is what we have today. Blacks are favored, whites are not. It's because of how the laws are.

There are plenty of racists of every color. The child's father is one of them.

I disagree with the statement that blacks are favored and whites are not. While there are a lot of media figures that like to push "the poor oppressed well off white guy attitude", I believe that ALL groups have a lot to answer for in biased behavior.

That said, the father is behaving as a racist, by placing his personal biases on something as insignificant as a phone call assistance. There are a lot of people (white,black, yellow, and red - heck add purple in if you want) that cry "racism" (or any other ism) at any provocation. To do so, hurts those that have real issues with serious oppression. To do so regarding a phone call while the child is in danger, is truly bad behavior. It also means that complaints by others in the future about "real racism" will be taken with less value.

Will management possibly throw the OP to the dogs if a complaint was made? Possibly, depending on their ethics and only the OP knows how such things go there. But if they do, it has nothing to do "favoritism" of blacks over whites. They would probably do so for any little issue that might hurt perceptions, and therefore business. Some hospitals will throw one to the dogs for anything and others actually care and investigate.

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15 years ago, I was in the required Ethics class at college. The Prof was asking us to list things that were immoral. After about 6-8 things were listed, I raised my hand and said "Racism". Would you believe that nonwhite classmate asked (out loud, mind you), why WOULD YOU say that?

I have blue eyes, pale skin and red hair.

The irony was palpable. Was not asking ME that, inheritently racist?

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I have had coworkers spread rumors that I was wealthy.

And ask why did I not become a doctor instead of a nurse?

Why?....Because I am Jewish.

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Again, we need to get over the "ists" and the "isms". All groups have them, All groups are biased by them.

I think that race may not be the only thing which determines if you get good or poor healthcare in this country. While race undoubtedly plays a role in the quality of healthcare recieved, being poor and underinsured is porbably the biggest reason that heathcare is far from adequate for blacks. I too have been called racist. Reason i refused the advances of a black man. No amount of reason, the fact that i was married with four children, would presuade the individual that it was not because i am racist. I believe each race has its own share of individuals who are ready to use any defense mechanism handy to convince themselves that they have been wronged when they don't get what they want. this is not a matter of race but of personal dysfunction.

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