Male nurse crying!!!

[ClassQ1]

Hi guys,

As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:

1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?

2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?

While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)

Want to hear your thoughts/comments....

[Levin]

Depends on the circumstances. If you're starting an IV and can't get it and are stressed out and frustrated because you're just having a rotten day. No it's not.

Why do we have to make rules about when you can cry or not?

You talk about the situation, but you don't know the person.

So an IV wont start.

You don't know the persons background.

You don't know if that's the reason or the proverbial straw.

Regards,

Levin

[jelorde37]

uhhhh... i dont cry but my eyes have a mind of their own and shed a tear every so often even if i dont want to.

[PICURN74, ASN, RN]

I think of myself as a real man and I have cried in the course of my work. I think that we need to be careful showing emotions at work not because crying is something to be ashamed of but because we are the caretakers and I have seen families comforting nurses when it should be the other way around. I had a 5 month old boy that died a long painful death because he father slammed his head against the wall and I spent many nights in a rocking chair holding him so that he knew what it felt like to feel safe and cared for at least once before he left this earth. Several weeks later when he finally did pass away I cried both tears or sorrow and tears of joy that his suffering was over. If that makes me less of a man than so be it

[tiij]

ive had watery eyes looking after kids that are messed up after their parents belted them.

and ive had to go to the bathroom when i heard my friend on the ward passed away. a nurse. who was only 23.

hmmm.. im not ussually emotional but sometimes things can get the best of you.

[kenmartins]

ive had watery eyes looking after kids that are messed up after their parents belted them.

and ive had to go to the bathroom when i heard my friend on the ward passed away. a nurse. who was only 23.

hmmm.. im not ussually emotional but sometimes things can get the best of you.

I almost cried when my 20yr old male patient passed away. He had a brain tumor and herniated right in front on me. He fought death for about 2 hrs, finally he gave up. I held back my emotions( so i thought) but the very next day, the other nurses on the floor told me that i should have let it out as i was so pisssed with everyone when my patient died. i didn't know that.

Anyway, am 21yrs male and it could have been me laying on that bed.

[SCGreywolf]

After 25 years in this business, I can usually distance myself from the grief of the families enough that I can help them. Can I cry? You bet. And for those of you that cry 'wimp', I am 6'3", 210, 10 years worth of army combat medic, SF trained, ex-cop.....and straight. And my 5 y/o granddaughter can put tears in my eyes without even trying.

The Wolf

[karenG]

I think of myself as a real man and I have cried in the course of my work. I think that we need to be careful showing emotions at work not because crying is something to be ashamed of but because we are the caretakers and I have seen families comforting nurses when it should be the other way around. I had a 5 month old boy that died a long painful death because he father slammed his head against the wall and I spent many nights in a rocking chair holding him so that he knew what it felt like to feel safe and cared for at least once before he left this earth. Several weeks later when he finally did pass away I cried both tears or sorrow and tears of joy that his suffering was over. If that makes me less of a man than so be it

just had to say.. what an amazing thing to do and you are a great nurse.............

[leslie :-D]

I firmly believe that nursing is a human endeavor, and we need not apologize for being human. Ours is not a job that can be done by robots. But I agree with Tweety and others that our focus should be on the patients and their needs, before our own. As adults, we do need to be able to "suck it up" and do what needs to be done, and save "venting" (in whatever form) for an appropriate time and place.

As best we can.

thank you, mike.

i find it sad that a thread like this even had to be created.

that many men were raised to keep that stiff, upper lip....not a quiver.

and i also feel sorry for many women who were raised to cry and just let it all out.

both extreme, yet both very real.

i appreciate that mike focused on a gender neutral approach.

and that we are human first.

we deal with the worst of human conditions on a daily basis.

i've been doing hospice for over 11 yrs.

i typically don't cry.

(but my husband DOES point out that i'm a raving lunatic when i get home...hmmm.)

but when i started doing peds hospice recently, i have been overcome w/emotion.

it's not because i'm a woman.

rather, because i'm being exposed to extreme suffering of helpless children.

i'm dealing with homeless families that have made it painfully aware that to their relief, there will be 1 less mouth to feed.

meth-addicted, aids, abused, so many whose lives never had a chance.

our facility takes the state-owned minors from cps, and those kids who have been raised in the most inhumane environments.

some of these parents....God help them.

no right being parents.

i'm digressing, and i'm sorry.

my point is when a nurse is subjected to the worst of the worst, we react accordingly.

it's not a man/woman response, but human.

and i'm so pleased to read of you guys responding with such sensitivity.

as nurses, we certainly do not need to be divided by our actions, but united w/our reactions.

leslie

[czyja, MSN, RN]

Some of the most powerful words in the Bible: "Jesus wept."

The literature of antiquity is chock full of men crying. Back in the Roman era men cried all the time - for sorrow, for compassion, for joy. And mind you that was not an easy time to live - quite brutal. Not to get too theological but it is noteworthy that Jeses wept at the suffering of others. The Buddha did the same, ditto for Sri Ramakrishna and Ghandi. Their own suffering did not cause them to weep, but rather the suffering they saw.

From an historical perperspective it is only recently that we began to be taught not to cry when we are boys. Abraham Lincoln cried when he visited the wounded during the Civil War. Fortunately things are loosening up a bit with respect to men and crying.

As for me, I cry at injustice. When I see a child maimed by a parent of a friend of a parent, I cry (in private) for their suffering but also becuase it is unjust and I want to live in a just world.

[Wise Guy]

I have cried out of frustration, exhaustion, sadness, i cried when i woke up from hernia surgery (anesthesia), i cried when i watched Ladder 49, Rudy, Forrest Gump, and i have been made fun of for crying.

I am a man and i believe it is ok for a man to cry.

I will say this. I was twenty years old before i ever saw my dad cry. Not that he didn't cry, he just didn't let his kids see it. i've seen him cry three times. When his dad died, when his mom died, and when the doctor told him that i would probubly not make it through emergency surgery. I have looked up to him as the "rock" of the family and i believe that some cercumstances sort of call for not crying (at least not in front of people). I think we (nurses) are sometimes called on to be the "rock" for people regardless of gender.

[BIGBLOCK472]

I cry at work when I need to... it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[melsman1904]

I just don't see it happening for me. I'm only a nursing student, but have been involved with EMS for several years and have seen the worst of the worse when it comes to human suffering. I never felt the urge to cry. I guess I just distance myself enough so that I'm not affected. I don't see anything wrong with it, just not my thing I guess.