As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:
1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?
2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?
While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)
I find death itself ( of patients ) does not make me cry, maybe because they are just so sick or what ever. But, I am like a Hallmark card when talking to people who know they are so bloody sick, and not going to be here much longer. I feel I am sometimes not that great a comfortgiver when I am choking on tears sitting on their bed , holding their hands, but I then I realize that is the comfort/support I am giving them. Just someone to listen to and hold their hand. Everyone should cry at something, it is a source of release. It just might not necessarily be someone else's death.
There is nothing more manly than a guy who is comfortable enough with himself and his feelings to cry. It shows he has a heart, and feelings. Human beings were made with the ability to feel pain, anguish, and sadness. We were also given emotions, tears and the ability to cry to express those feelings and release them. Crying shows you are human, whether you are a man or a woman.
I'm a woman and I've seen my father and my husband get emotional and teary-eyed. Those moments made me love them even more.
Despite the one single declaration here to the contrary, of course men cry. Ever pull a nose hair? Ouch.
It's difficult to know what triggers some emotions and what doesn't. Locally, we had a recent story in the news of a family of ducks who had taken up residence in a local park. A couple of days ago, some teens stoned the mother duck to death, leaving six ducklings to fend for themselves. They'll be OK; evidently they're old enough to find food and shelter. But when I was reading the initial news story, I was teary. I love animals, and found it difficult to understand how a small group of teen boys (it was witnessed, and they were chased off) could be so cruel and heartless. All I could think of was that mother duck and the pain and terror she must have felt; her last thoughts (if there are such things and I believe there are) must have been to protect those babies. I get teary now just writing about it.
OK, I don't recall crying on the job. But I can say with certainty I have certainly been touched.
As a nurse in long term care, I frequently remind our staff we work with people at the end of their lives. It is our privilege to be there as well as sometimes, a dagger in our hearts. We touch and are touched in return.
We have our favorite residents, our sad cases, moments that touch us and sometimes just the overwhelming fatigue as when four residents die in one weekend. (THAT was a tough one!)
Whether we actually shed tears or not, our humanity comes through. I feel it is part of what makes nursing such a special job.
Professional detachment doesn't mean we don't feel.
I suppose there are some human robots out there but do they last as nurses?
Haven't actually cried at or about work, but felt pretty close to it, at times. I've seen the strongest man I've ever known, my father, in tears at times, and I've cried without shame when I've been moved to.
IMHO, a "real" man doesn't fret a lot over what foolish people think of him.
Awhile back, the subject of crying over movies came up at work. I related the story how I cried a little watching The English Patient, during the part where my cat climbed up my leg. Then I admitted that I do get pretty choked up just about every time I watch Field of Dreams. A buddy of mine, a retired Petty Officer, had been poo-pooing the whole idea of crying over some movie, but when I mentioned Field of Dreams, confessed that he shed a few tears over that one.
Our female co-workers thought we were nuts. I guess some people are just insensitive.
We had a lady in the ER once who just tanked about coded. Was only 36, with 2 young kids at home, husband hanging over here simply BEGGING her not to die. We could save her. Every single staffer in our ER, docs, nurses, techs, male AND female, cried.
It's not the death itself that gets us most of the time, it's the circumstances. Some things are just so horrific, so close to home, even when you only have them for 40 minutes. It was heartbreaking.
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
A number of years ago, I worked burns in a teaching hospital. This one particular resident and I had taken care of one patient for days. We'd worked very hard to save him.
When it finally ended, he and I held each other and cried.
He was a great guy and a great doc and I had even more respect for him after that. It certainly didn't make him less professional or less masculine in my eyes.
Not everyone gets emotionally involved with every patient, but sometimes certain ones just get to you.
Friends of ours unexpectedly lost their beautiful, healthy, vibrant 20-year-old daughter last year. She was found unresponsive by her roommate and was being coded by the paramedics when she got to the ER (she had internal bleeding from an unknown source). The parents had to drive a couple of hours to get there.
The dad told me that when they walked into the ER, everyone- doctors, nurses, paramedics, everyone- was or had been crying.
I think it helped them, just a little bit, to know that the ambulance crew and the ER staff had tried so very hard to save her and that she had touched their lives as well.
Sometimes it helps the family when they see that their loved one wasn't just a number or a body but really was a person to the staff and that the staff really cared about what they were doing.
karenG
1,049 Posts
crying.. its what a sluice is for!
I've cried.. and so have many of the guys i have worked with..
how can you not cry sometimes? when a baby dies or is stillborn.. or just when things happen that you really wish hadnt?
I've cried and probably will agaiin..
K