As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:
1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?
2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?
While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)
Two years back, when my mom died, I cried many times
I've been teary recently as my dad was just diagnosed with metastatic bladder cancer
When I arrived in L&D to learn that my wife was in preterm labor at 24 weeks and the ramifications of that were explained to me (turned out that she was actually 26 and held on for almost one more - DD born at 27 and ultimately healthy).
Watching the doc place a chest tube in DD after a pneumothorax suffered during PDA surgery
Watching DD in the hospital for a week with RSV at the age of 2 ("Wanna go home...")
Peeling DD off of me so that I could get on the van to go to China for another month after being home for a few days
At the age of 20, working for a mortuary, any carrying out an infant born with anencephaly. another time picking up a 4-year-old drowning victim.
Heart wrenching stuff.
Real men cry.
Some of the most powerful words in the Bible: "Jesus wept."
Never chimed in before, more of a listener most of the time, but for this I am going to speak.
Cry over my patients and familes?? You bet.
Feel rediculous when I do? Not hardly.
Been riduculed for it? Yes (told I was probably in the wrong profession)
I don't cry while they are dieing, but after the fight, when the rush has worn off. The family comes in and their loved one is gone. And I feel bad for the family. So I cry, not showy (they would only see if they looked) not invading the families greif, but a few tears while I pray and then get on with my work.
I don't see what the big deal is. Crying is absolutely natural. That is why we have tear ducts. There is nothing wrong with crying, and those who think people that cry are just not macho enough, well ... they are just making up for their own shortcomings.
I've come out of a room with tears streaming down my face when I've given a baby that's just passed his final bath before sending him to the morgue. I've cried as I accompanied the body of a 16 year old car accident victim to the morgue after spending a week trying to save him. There's nothing wrong with crying. If you get through your career as a nurse without crying once in a while, you are emotionally numb...
The job I currently have (and will be leaving to attend Nursing school) is in insurance. I have had times where I pull up to a new claim, and find a family that's just watched their house burn down. They have nothing left but what they are wearing in some cases. They are usually pretty emotional, and looking to me to help them. I do my best for them. I've gotten hugs from some people. I've had people start weeping while we talk about something they lost that was really important to them. Once I leave, I do feel a sense of grief for what they are going through, and occasionally I've gotten teary-eyed.
Of course, that's just stuff. A house can be rebuilt. Personal belongings, for the most part, can be replaced. I'm sure dealing with a family whose loved one has just passed will choke me up from time to time. But I think I'll be able to provide better care because of my experiences.
5 yr old beat to death by stepdad,only i cared for him 4 12 hour shifts before he passed couldnt help but cry in that room with his mom and grandma wasnt proud of it ,but never forget it .
There is nothing more manly than a guy who is comfortable enough with himself and his feelings to cry. It shows he has a heart, and feelings. Human beings were made with the ability to feel pain, anguish, and sadness. We were also given emotions, tears and the ability to cry to express those feelings and release them. Crying shows you are human, whether you are a man or a woman.
I agree. But do you guys think there is a time and a place to express your emotions? Coming from a military background, I was taught not to express emotion at any time in public. I know that the military and nursing are two different worlds, but being the professionals that "we"(still a student) are, do you think it's "appropriate" to cry in front of patients and their families?
I agree. But do you guys think there is a time and a place to express your emotions? Coming from a military background, I was taught not to express emotion at any time in public. I know that the military and nursing are two different worlds, but being the professionals that "we"(still a student) are, do you think it's "appropriate" to cry in front of patients and their families?
Depends on the circumstances. If you're starting an IV and can't get it and are stressed out and frustrated because you're just having a rotten day. No it's not.
If you're comforting someone who has just lost their husband of 50 years, and you've been providing this man comfort measures for 12 hours and he dies in front of you, yes it is.
But it's about the patient and family member. We can't make it about ourselves and our emotions. We do have to keep them under check.
I am not normally emotional, but when you lose a patient you've cared for over a period of time it's tough to take, and natural to cry. No one discourages anyone male or female from crying at those times, although most of us take a "moment". In my humble opinion it's worse to hold it in.
That being said I wouldn't cry over not being able to start an IV.
I have a little trouble with the idea of "appropriate" crying. Part of me feels that if you feel moved to cry, it's appropriate to cry, and if you don't feel moved to cry, that's ok, too. On the other hand, weeping openly over trivia seems...I don't know--immature, I guess.
I've seen new coworkers crying because they were just utterly overwhelmed with all the work of being a nurse. I didn't think less of them, because I can vividly recall the feeling, even though I was never in tears over it. Then again, they were young women, so I'm less inclined to expect them to "keep a stiff upper lip," and they weren't crying in front of patients or their families. What happens in the med room stays in the med room! I've noticed, though, that some of the more experienced young women have a tendency to roll their eyes a little when someone is breaking down over routine matters. Older females seem to adopt a more motherly attitude--if it feels bad enough to cry, that's how bad it feels, and a little pat on the shoulder and a few minutes to pull yourself together may be in order.
I haven't seen any of my male colleagues cry. I suspect they'd get little sympathy unless it was over something like a pt dying. Seems like a double standard, but it's one we grew up with. And, male or female, emotional outbursts in front of patients or guests do seem unprofessional. When I occassionally feel the need to unleash a torrent of expletives (I used to be a carpenter) I try to do it away from civilized folk, including co-workers whose sensibilities might be offended.
I firmly believe that nursing is a human endeavor, and we need not apologize for being human. Ours is not a job that can be done by robots. But I agree with Tweety and others that our focus should be on the patients and their needs, before our own. As adults, we do need to be able to "suck it up" and do what needs to be done, and save "venting" (in whatever form) for an appropriate time and place.
Beggar♂
96 Posts
As a man, I've cried when:
Heart wrenching stuff.
Real men cry.
Some of the most powerful words in the Bible: "Jesus wept."