Am i doing something wrong?? Plaese Help - page 2

Ok , i recently started LPN school, i got a call from my sister, saying i should not do that program cause its about 30 hours a week, and i will barely see my daughter, i was being called selfish and... Read More

  1. by   flower2007
    Quote from Fiona59
    My first thought was why does the OP feel so insecure in her marriage that she needs to do this now.

    My youngest was in full time school before I went back to school. I stayed home for a decade and it was hard. Due to my husband's job and schedule, it wasn't an option for me to work or go to school outside the home. I went to playgroups and Mum's afternoons, and coffee evenings for my outside stimulus and took the odd university class in the evening.

    What I don't understand is (start flaming me now) is why do people have children and want to put them into care right away? I wanted to be there for the first steps, words, fall, first trip to the Emergency room.

    It just seems that the world is changing and children are no longer seen as valuable and need nurturing by their Mothers. If I had gone to school when I first thought about it, I would have been an RN instead of a PN, but there was no affordable childcare for my children and my husband made too much for me to qualify for subsidized childcare and tuition. Life happens for a reason, we can try and change our path but eventually what was meant to be rules out.

    Ok, iam not insecure about my marriage, i was not talking about divorce. My whole point was...my husband makes good money right now, i dont really have to work. But what if somthing would happen to him??? i pray it wont. Then i will be a single mom with no education going back to $9 an hour, in need healthcare, i would like to live in a safe area and not a ghetto. Thats how life is, i want to have something to fall back on. And i want to achieve something to be proud of myself and make my daughter proud of me.


    Thank you for the encouraging words everyone, keep it coming iam feeling better and better.
  2. by   flower2007
    Quote from Fiona59
    My first thought was why does the OP feel so insecure in her marriage that she needs to do this now.

    My youngest was in full time school before I went back to school. I stayed home for a decade and it was hard. Due to my husband's job and schedule, it wasn't an option for me to work or go to school outside the home. I went to playgroups and Mum's afternoons, and coffee evenings for my outside stimulus and took the odd university class in the evening.

    What I don't understand is (start flaming me now) is why do people have children and want to put them into care right away? I wanted to be there for the first steps, words, fall, first trip to the Emergency room.

    It just seems that the world is changing and children are no longer seen as valuable and need nurturing by their Mothers. If I had gone to school when I first thought about it, I would have been an RN instead of a PN, but there was no affordable childcare for my children and my husband made too much for me to qualify for subsidized childcare and tuition. Life happens for a reason, we can try and change our path but eventually what was meant to be rules out.

    And i love my daughter with all of my heart, i am doing this for her and for us. You have lots of stay at home moms that stay home but dont teach their children anything valuable. You have stay at home moms that are abusive or emotionally unavailable.Watch Oprah all day, talk on the phone all day, instead of playing or spending real time with their kids. It goes alot more deeper than that.
  3. by   luv4nursing
    Quote from flower2007
    And i love my daughter with all of my heart, i am doing this for her and for us. You have lots of stay at home moms that stay home but dont teach their children anything valuable. You have stay at home moms that are abusive or emotionally unavailable.Watch Oprah all day, talk on the phone all day, instead of playing or spending real time with their kids. It goes alot more deeper than that.
    That is such a good point. I dont have any kids yet, but I know it makes it more difficult to go to school. But women do it every day and so can you. You arent being selfish, you are doing it for yourself and for her. It will be a great feeling to know u dont HAVE to work, but can if u choose to or it ever become a need to. Many women these days dont have that. They are either single moms or need the second income to sustain a certain lifestyle they have become used to.

    Good for you for being PROactive instead of REactive. Good luck to you, dont listen to her she is just jealous for some reason.
  4. by   Lisa CCU RN
    I'd tell her to mind her own business. If something happens to your hubby then you have a career to fall back on.

    I have a question though. What in the world do you do at home ALL DAY LONG with kids anyway? If has NEVER taken me all day to clean the house and there is only so much teletubbies one can take!

    Don't kids have to go to school at 5 anyway? If it really bugs you, wait till your child enters kindergarten. If not, go now.

    I am in school for my RN, a single parent, and have NO help and spend plenty of time with my kids.

    I say go to school. This is 2007 and sitting at home is NOT what women do anymore.
  5. by   LauraF, RN
    It sounds like someone is jealous. I have not read all the replies, so sorry if someone has already said that. My husband makes good money too. But I wanted to get my RN. It was my dream. My kids were not in day care all that much and they had fun. Now I will tell you this, if you husband is not supportive and not willing to help out around the house, life is going to be tough when you are in school. My husband really had to pitch in a lot. He got the kids ready and to the babysitters on clinical days (btw my kids hate mornings), he would do dinners the night before because I would have to be in bed so early. He did dishes. You are doing a good job of looking out for your family this way. You never know when tragedy can strike, but you want your family protected. Plus getting out and having adult conversation is always a plus.
  6. by   LauraF, RN
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    I'd tell her to mind her own business. If something happens to your hubby then you have a career to fall back on.

    I have a question though. What in the world do you do at home ALL DAY LONG with kids anyway? If has NEVER taken me all day to clean the house and there is only so much teletubbies one can take!

    Don't kids have to go to school at 5 anyway? If it really bugs you, wait till your child enters kindergarten. If not, go now.

    I am in school for my RN, a single parent, and have NO help and spend plenty of time with my kids.

    I say go to school. This is 2007 and sitting at home is NOT what women do anymore.

    That's not completely true. There are many of us who sit at home with the kids. I work on the weekends. We go to play groups and the park. There are many other mothers who are there who stay at home with the kids. Take it from me, keeping up with 3 kids under the age of 8 and 2 in diapers, keeping the house clean, keeping up with the laundry and the dishes, an all day job.
  7. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from LPN,RNNow
    That's not completely true. There are many of us who sit at home with the kids. I work on the weekends. We go to play groups and the park. There are many other mothers who are there who stay at home with the kids. Take it from me, keeping up with 3 kids under the age of 8 and 2 in diapers, keeping the house clean, keeping up with the laundry and the dishes, an all day job.
    Let me rephrase. It's no longer the RULE that women stay at home. It seems that SOME men want to have the housewife, but do not want to provide for their wife's future like retirement if they don't stay together. You can save a lot of money for the future while working and you lose this if you stay at home for 10 plus years.

    I personally could not stay at home all day everyday with kids, so I admire those who do. I stayed at home for a while with my kids, but I found it extrememly boring. Maybe that sounds bad, but my kids were really quiet when they were little. Trust me, they make up for it now though. I almost wish I were in nursing school then instead of now. They were a lot quieter.

    Something interesting that I just learned. Back when cocaine was legal, mothers used to dose their babies and then themselves, so obviously something is stressful about staying home with kids or either these women were really unhappy.

    I say do what makes you happy.
  8. by   ohmeowzer RN
    flower is in the program allready , why loose her spot in the program because of her selfish sister. it's hard to get a place in a nursing program and she's in.. so she needs to go and finish and enjoy her self , learn something and make some new friends. my mom went to nursing school when we were young. her marriage was fine. my dad was man enough to let his wife get a degree .. if he wasn't she would of said too bad and went to school anyway. i say go to school flower and don't ever let anyone keep you from your dream. life is to short ..
  9. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from kizzykatlove
    flower is in the program allready , why loose her spot in the program because of her selfish sister. it's hard to get a place in a nursing program and she's in.. so she needs to go and finish and enjoy her self , learn something and make some new friends. my mom went to nursing school when we were young. her marriage was fine. my dad was man enough to let his wife get a degree .. if he wasn't she would of said too bad and went to school anyway. i say go to school flower and don't ever let anyone keep you from your dream. life is to short ..
    Amen!

    What is it with insecure men? My dad's cousin is a dentist and her husband quit his job at Nissan and runs the business side of the office so all the money stays in the family. Now they have an eleven room mansion and drive mercedes. The kids go to school and when they get out they can come to her job because she has a kitchen and a room in the back for them to hang out in.
    Who says you can't have it all?
  10. by   jmgrn65
    Quote from Fiona59
    My first thought was why does the OP feel so insecure in her marriage that she needs to do this now.

    My youngest was in full time school before I went back to school. I stayed home for a decade and it was hard. Due to my husband's job and schedule, it wasn't an option for me to work or go to school outside the home. I went to playgroups and Mum's afternoons, and coffee evenings for my outside stimulus and took the odd university class in the evening.

    What I don't understand is (start flaming me now) is why do people have children and want to put them into care right away? I wanted to be there for the first steps, words, fall, first trip to the Emergency room.

    It just seems that the world is changing and children are no longer seen as valuable and need nurturing by their Mothers. If I had gone to school when I first thought about it, I would have been an RN instead of a PN, but there was no affordable childcare for my children and my husband made too much for me to qualify for subsidized childcare and tuition. Life happens for a reason, we can try and change our path but eventually what was meant to be rules out.
    It isn't about the qty of time you spend with your children it is the quality and just because you place your child in daycare doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. They are still valuable and nurtured. I know of stay at home mom's that don't nurture their children at all. You have to do what is right for you as well as your child. IF mom's not happy then no one is...
  11. by   pagandeva2000
    Quote from flower2007
    Ok , i recently started LPN school, i got a call from my sister, saying i should not do that program cause its about 30 hours a week, and i will barely see my daughter, i was being called selfish and materialistic cause iam attending a 12 month program, i was asked whats more important money or my 10 month old daughter,she says i want 3 cars in the driveway, she thinks cause my husband makes good money that i should stay home with my child, and i want to go to LPn school, caus eif something happens to my Husband....then we wont be well off anymore and iwil have to take care of my dauther and the finances.
    I really thought that i was doing the right think by going to LPN school and now she has talked guilt into me about leaving my daughter in childcare 4 1/2 days a week. I dont understand this why do they think iam doing the wrong thing??? Cant i do something formyself? cant i better myself just cause i have a young child?? What do you all think about this mather? and have you guys had any similar experiences with family members?
    I have not had a similar situation, but this leads me to ask questions about your sister...what is SHE doing with her life? Is she working, does she have children, or is she helping you with your child and it has become inconvienent to her? There is nothing wrong in building a future and a seperate identity for yourself. It is true, your husband may become disabled, lose his job, or anything else. You will have a skill and vocation to contribute to the household. And, you would not be too dependent on him for money. I think your sister may be envious of you for making a change in your life. Bottom line, if your husband has no issue with it, it is clearly none of her business.
  12. by   CiaraNurse
    Yes you are doing the right thing, i think she might be a little bit jelous!!
    You dont have to live the way your sister wants you to live.

    Just do whatever you think is best for YOUR FAMILY, people can give their advice, but its still your life, and iam always for people betteriing their lives, regardsless of how much money their husbands make.


    Certain stay at home moms are always going to be against the working moms thinking we dont care for their kids and that they have MORE love for their kids but thats not true, everyone is diffrent, and we dont live in the middle ages of moms having to stay home, their is nothing wrong with following your own dreams and doing something for you!! you are too a person and you deserve it.
  13. by   flower2007
    Quote from pagandeva2000
    I have not had a similar situation, but this leads me to ask questions about your sister...what is SHE doing with her life? Is she working, does she have children, or is she helping you with your child and it has become inconvienent to her? There is nothing wrong in building a future and a seperate identity for yourself. It is true, your husband may become disabled, lose his job, or anything else. You will have a skill and vocation to contribute to the household. And, you would not be too dependent on him for money. I think your sister may be envious of you for making a change in your life. Bottom line, if your husband has no issue with it, it is clearly none of her business.

    She is a medical Assistant, works in a doctors office, she has 3 kids, works twice a week and the rest of the week she stays home with her kids, she is not helping me with my child, my child goes to daycare, My husband is very suportive, he has his BS degree in IT and Industrial technology so he wants me to to good for myself and follow my dream. He helps in the houshold and gets the baby ready in the morning while i get ready for school and he watches her while i study. I only have a HS diploma right now and would like to accomplish something to be proud of. LPN school is hard!!!! stressfull but i feel its worth it, iam going to open another topic about how did u make it through LPN school cause it seems sooo hard and demanding, iam still working hard and trying to shoot for straight A's.

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