Am i doing something wrong?? Plaese Help

flower2007 · May 25, 2007

P.S, she thinks i should wait on the 2 year waiting list for an RN program,

And i dont want that , i dont want to wait 2 years before i can START school, i want to take the fast route and go on for my RN.

Jules A, MSN · May 25, 2007

While it is sad that she isn't being supportive and is trying to make you feel guilty about it I think you need to just ignore her. In my opinion you are making a very sound move. It kills me that so many women count on their husband's income, health benefits etc. with no plan B at all...NONE! The sad fact is that in the range of 50% of marriages end in divorce and I have no idea how many young women are widowed but it is also a consideration. Being a stay at home Mom is very admirable no doubt but imvho your daughter will be better off from the strong, independent example you are setting for her as a woman. Just my opinion of course. Good luck with your program!

sassiebaz · May 25, 2007

Wow! Where do I start? First of all, after I had my 3rd baby(after 8 years) my husband and I decided staying home with my kids was the most important thing. Also, how could I make enough $$$ to warrant putting all 3 in some sort of childcare. So, that is what worked for us. But, I have friends who had babies and went back to work after 3 months. I respect everyones own choice. I do NOT judge anyone. But, for me and my family it was important for us not to put our baby in daycare. Having said all that, after almost 3 years I am dying to get out of the house and I have slowly been working towards a nursing license of some sort. I have decided on an LPN program that is to start in Oct. of this year. We desperately need a second income and like JulesA said, you NEVER know how long your marriage is to be. Of course I dont believe I will get divorced but I don't live life with blinders on. It could happen or even worse your husband could become disabled or even die. You never know what life may bring. I believe all women should have a way to support themselves. It is too easy to become dependent and lose your idenity. So, I say YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!! Don't worry about what your sister is saying and let her know you appreciate her concern but you got things handled and don't need negativity. No one in my family would dare question MY actions as a month. I wouldn't allow it. You shouldn't either!! Good luck to you and follow your heart. only you know best how to care for your family!!!

linzz · May 25, 2007

I stayed home with my kids until they went to school and at times, I was dying to get out of the house and also resented losing that time to build my career, however I also knew that I would have difficulty locating and affording good child care even while working. Anyways, I did my LPN when the youngest went to school but at times, I wished I had started earlier and gone straight for my RN. Now I wish I had enjoyed every moment with my kids. Things sure have changed as my husband has some health issues that will likely force my to get my RN and work full time. It really is amazing what life can deal you.

Luvelyone · May 25, 2007

i personally believe your sister is jealous of your determination to be independent and self sufficient. i so applaud you for doing what you would like to do. i think a person with that kind of forethought and realism is setting an outstanding example for your daughter. tell your sister to take her crap and put it in a different sock....

jmgrn65, RN · May 25, 2007

I would tell her to mind her own darn business! what is the difference whether you are going to school or at work. Many women put their children in daycare for alot more hours than that. as long as you give your child quality time and love she will be fine.

Ehope · May 25, 2007

Personally I think that you are doing the best for you and your daughter. I just read an article about this in a magazine. The article dealt more with women who take 10 - 20 yrs off to raise their children, but I think some of the information applies here too.

It pointed out that using the cost of childcare as a reason to stay at home is faulty, because over time your earnings will increase and your childcare costs will decrease. Supposedly even taking off 1 to 3 yrs reduces your income by about 30% and makes it harder for you to become re-employed, whereas if you keep working your income will increase. It also supports what some of the above posters said, especially the fact that you need to have a way to support yourself and your child in the eventuality that something will happen to your husband or marriage.

I realize that you are conflicted over going to school, not work, but because of the above info I think you are on the right track. While I do not have any kids, I think that if I did I would rather go to school early in their lives because that would give me more time with them later on when they are more likely to need it.

I also feel that your sister may have some other issues besides what she is saying. Perhaps some sort of jealousy. Just because you are in school doesn't mean that you can't spend plenty of time with your daughter when you are not. My mother worked full time and went to school full time when I was little, and I can tell you that it had no adverse effect on me and that I have tremendous respect for her because of it. Actually, my father did lose his job and for some reason didn't get one till 4 years later. Suffice it to say that if it wasn't for my mom we would have been homeless.

Do what you feel is best for yourself and your family because if you do you won't have any regrets later on.

momma2twnz · May 25, 2007

As a mom to 3 children (including 1 year old twins), I do not think you are being selfish. I think you are being pro-active. I have a very dear fried who is almost done w/ her BSN. Her DH made great money. They had everything they needed and more. She did not have to work. Her DH was in a major car accident in Feb and suffered severe brain trauma. He was in the ICU for over a month. They do not know whether he will be able to work. They have nothing to fall back on and she is frantic.

Divorce is not the only reason to think about a career. Life happens. I believe it's always better to be prepared. You can still give you baby quality time if you are in school. Most people who work leave their kids in day care 10+ hours a day. They wake them up, pick them up, take them home. Give them dinner and put them to bed. Your scedule will be much more flexible. Plus when you are done you will have so many schedule options! Don't feel guilty. Being a mom has enough of that!

Side note. I think you are the best mom when you are fulfilled. I have tremendous admiration for those who are SAHM's. I couldn't do it. It doesn't fit me.

General E. Speaking, RN, RN · May 25, 2007

I went back to work when my daughter was 6 weeks old. She stayed with a friend for about a year and then off to daycare. She is well adjusted and smart! I had a great experience with my daycare- they were wonderful. In the summer they had tons of activities planned and went on numerous field trips. My point is like the other poster- many Mom's would love to stay at home but cannot afford it. Do your homework and make sure you have a safe stimulating place for your child to go to and spend QUALITY time with her when you can. Your desire for self improvement and wanting to better your self should be commended. Tell your sister to take a flying leap.

lizzyberry · May 25, 2007

Even though you have a child you still have to do what makes You happy. If this is your dream than do it, your child will be fine. Do it for your child she will be happy later that her mommy is a nurse,she will probobly look up to you Im sure. I have 2 toddlers and I will be starting nursing school in the fall(hopefully) but they will be fine in school every morning. I am doing it for them. Two years from now I would rather be a nurse than have no past education.

Fiona59 · May 25, 2007

My first thought was why does the OP feel so insecure in her marriage that she needs to do this now.

My youngest was in full time school before I went back to school. I stayed home for a decade and it was hard. Due to my husband's job and schedule, it wasn't an option for me to work or go to school outside the home. I went to playgroups and Mum's afternoons, and coffee evenings for my outside stimulus and took the odd university class in the evening.

What I don't understand is (start flaming me now) is why do people have children and want to put them into care right away? I wanted to be there for the first steps, words, fall, first trip to the Emergency room.

It just seems that the world is changing and children are no longer seen as valuable and need nurturing by their Mothers. If I had gone to school when I first thought about it, I would have been an RN instead of a PN, but there was no affordable childcare for my children and my husband made too much for me to qualify for subsidized childcare and tuition. Life happens for a reason, we can try and change our path but eventually what was meant to be rules out.