As I have mentioned, I do hospice and palliative care. It's been a year. I'm completely burnt emotionally. Hospice I handle much better than palliative care. Palliative care is quite draining as I have most patients who have no resources, are somewhat poor, and mostly dying but trying to live. They depend on me so much. And there is only so much I can do. They call me personally, want me to pretty much make their life or death decisions.....
It's too much for me. It keeps me up at night worrying about them. I worry I will let them down. And I really don't have a support system. I'm a divorced mother just trying to muddle along. No family except my dad who is wonderful, but it really upsets him to hear I am struggling or to hear about dying people so I don't talk to him. I come home to my 5 year old throw myself into everything but my brain just wants to shut down and my daughter is rather demanding and it's like my emotions don't rest. When she goes to bed I do some chores, and try to unwind. Sometimes I just wish there was someone to take care of me and tell me everything is going to alright and rub my head or something.
The was basically a pathetic vent. I know, I should be lucky I'm. Of dying of cancer like these people, which I am grateful for, but my brain and heart hurt these days.
I have went on antidepressants since taking this job and I do kickboxing to let it all out. It's a nice hour where I really just clear my find almost fully. ( almost).
My patients and families for some reason trust me humongously and it's quite a burden to bear sometimes.
Thanks for listening whoever got to the end of this