Oh, I am in such good company, nurse-friends. I, too, don't seem to be cut out for bedside nursing. I worked in clinic settings for about 25 years when I graduated nursing school
, but when the last physican died, I thought it was time to try the hospital setting again. I was fortunate to get a job on Behavioral Health, or so I thought...I loved the staff and MOST of the patients. However, the escalating, going-out-of-control ones truly frightened me despite wonderful training provided by the hospital. If the patients needed a listening ear, a hand held, shoulder to cry on, I was their nurse. The others: not so much at all. I was flat-out scared of them. When I left at the end of my shift, I worried about the next day's patient roster and was often unable to sleep well. Diarrhea became a near-constant companion as I worried and fretted.
Subsequently, I found another clinic job that I like okay. It's not my heart's desire by any means, but it is alright and will do for now. To the thread originator: don't make yourself miserable like this - it is NOT worth it when our physical health is so challenged and endangered. Pray a lot and search for something more suitable. It is out there, but it may just take a bit of time and ingenuity. Good luck, stay safe and be strong - FOR YOU.