Nursing school is killing my relationship!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Hey guys. My name is Jenna and I'm 22 and engaged. Before nursing school my fiancé and I were fantastic but a year into nursing school (with a year left) it has been entirely difficult. We both knew it was going to be really hard, but it's to a point where we have no energy to keep trying. School has brought down my bubbly personality and demeanor and has sucked the energy from me. All my fiancé and I do is fight probably because we never see each other and when we do I fall asleep. My question to my nurses and nursing students is, how do you save your relationship during nursing school? How do you have a successful relationship? This is so hard for us. Things at enjoy going well.

Thank you for any input and advice!

Sincerely,

Jenna

Specializes in Neuroscience.

No one can tell you how to figure this out, that's something that couples do. It would be prudent to talk to him about your issues when you both have some downtime (Spring break, maybe?).

My only thought reading your post: It's good you're finding this out now. Breaking up is hard. Divorce is harder. Fixing the relationship is hardest. However, if you both weather this storm, you'll truly be better off when you are married. The rest is up to both of you as a couple.

I hope you follow your heart and it's the right decision for you.

What she said!

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

If your relationship cannot "survive" nursing school. It won't survive marriage, mortgage, children and debt. If he is so selfish and immature that he cannot understand and be willing to see the light at the end of the tunnel I would be concerned about life's challenges which aren't so temporary and require more sacrifice.

Marriage is very hard even for those who truly love each other.

It's a good thing to find out now.

Specializes in NICU.

This is a true test of a relationship. This will test both you and your fiance's maturity level. He needs to be mature enough to realize that you don't have a lot of time and energy to put into the relationship. He needs to step up and take control of the relationship by doing whatever he can to remove as many outside stressors that he can from your life. Time management is the key. Schedule time together whether it be a lunch, dinner, walk in the park, back massage, some kind of "us" time without talking about school. If he steps up and keeps the spark going in the relationship, then he is a keeper.

Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

If he isn't there for you now, it's very telling of what he will be like if anything stressful happens. You need lots of support during school, this is only gonna make school harder. Sit down & have a frank conversation about all of this with him. If he doesn't change you need to really think about the relationship. Good luck.

Well nursing school is hard enough and them to worry about your relationship. It just adds more stress. If he cant handle it now. What about when you start working? Nursing has some long crazy hours and as a new nurse you usually run behind. If he cant handle it maybe its not meant to be? Sorry, best if luck to you.

My husband and I live in separate states. We work opposite shifts. We see each other every few weeks for 1-2 days at the very most.

If you care, you'll make the effort to keep up with each other. But be forewarned: relationships are not for the weak. Maintaining a relationship in a stressful situation is going to require sacrifice on your part and his. As Esme said, there will be much, much tougher things down the road if your relationship lasts. Learn how you're going to field this kind of thing now.

One thing my husband and I try for is total honesty. If we're frustrated with something else, we've made it so that we can safely vent to each other--that way, we can not only explain what's bugging us, but the other person knows we aren't angry at them. Clear, open communication is the only way to go.

Specializes in L&D, infusion, urology.
If your relationship cannot "survive" nursing school. It won't survive marriage, mortgage, children and debt. If he is so selfish and immature that he cannot understand and be willing to see the light at the end of the tunnel I would be concerned about life's challenges which aren't so temporary and require more sacrifice.

Marriage is very hard even fo those who truly love each other.

It's a good thing to find out now.

THIS. Relationships and marriage are constantly tested, and if this is the test that breaks you, at least you're finding out now. Nursing school IS hard, and I think many of us have seen our relationships tested during nursing school, if we are in relationships, but it's how you come through these hard times that reveals the real strength and bond in your relationship. Remember that nursing school is time-limited, unlike many stressors. You know exactly when it ends. Having a light at the end of the tunnel and knowing where that is should be helpful.

We HAVE to make some effort to make relationships work when going through stressful times. My husband and I "check in" with each other every Monday night, and that's our time to air anything that's been on our minds, to say if we're feeling neglected or whatever. We make a point of having date nights when I have a slower week school-wise.

Both of you are learning right now what it takes to make a relationship work. You have to figure out where your priorities lie. School HAS to be a major priority, but you have to figure out where YOUR sanity and your relationship lie as well.

Are you doing anything for stress relief? For me, when I can't run on a regular basis, my sanity is out the window. I need that to keep my head clear. Find what works for you- it'll impact all parts of you life.

I really love what Esme said. It's so true. I'll be starting nursing school in August and I'm so scared of what will happen to my relationship when we go from spending all day every day together, to barely ever. But it's very true... Nursing school will only be two years or so, which is to vital to your life because you must have a career!, so if you guys really love each other, you should be able to stick it out for another year. I know things are rough right now, but try to hang on just one more year until you're finished with school. Fight for your relationship to survive :)

Specializes in Emergency Room.
No one can tell you how to figure this out, that's something that couples do. It would be prudent to talk to him about your issues when you both have some downtime (Spring break, maybe?).

My only thought reading your post: It's good you're finding this out now. Breaking up is hard. Divorce is harder. Fixing the relationship is hardest. However, if you both weather this storm, you'll truly be better off when you are married. The rest is up to both of you as a couple.

I hope you follow your heart and it's the right decision for you.

Thank you. Yeah, I feel the communication needs to happen more. A lot of the time I'm on edge with school so I think if we are more open about what's bugging is that will help. Thank you!

Specializes in Emergency Room.
If your relationship cannot "survive" nursing school. It won't survive marriage, mortgage, children and debt. If he is so selfish and immature that he cannot understand and be willing to see the light at the end of the tunnel I would be concerned about life's challenges which aren't so temporary and require more sacrifice.

Marriage is very hard even for those who truly love each other.

It's a good thing to find out now.

Thank you, this is very true! He does try to understand the best he can and be patient it's just so trying. I do hope we can get through this because there will be many other factors that will create difficulties throughout our relationship. Thank you!

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