Not sure how to deal with this future classmate... - page 3

Hi all. I start nursing school in January. I'm a member of a facebook group for my nursing cohort in order to keep up with new information. I also use it to befriend future classmates. In my personal... Read More

  1. by   lizzybartlee
    One more idea, a friend of mine did this when she was a bartender and obviously worked around drunk guys. Find a convincing yet inexpensive wedding/engagement/promise ring and wear it. (Make sure your boyfriend knows why!) This may not help the current situation but most guys will see it and get the message without you having to say anything.
  2. by   rkitty198
    This guy does not sound like he is flirting at all, it sounds like he is a narcissist. He wants to have an ego boost by texting mundane things to make himself look good. You probably are not the only person he sends these texts to. He wants his ego stroked. Living by the mazarati dealership, making tons of money, the text sent to you not meant for you- narcissist all over it. He isn't into you as much as he is into himself
    The trash will take itself out anyways. If he is into nursing to make tons of money he won't make it out of the program so less time you have to deal with him.
    Just ignore him.
    Going to the school is overkill. He hasn't threatened you. You haven't told him to stop therefore you haven't given him the chance to stop. You left the door open for him to begin with. So put boundaries out before you go around harming his reputation by telling other people about his behavior. If anything he is probably a wierd guy who has a hard time making friends because of his personality.
  3. by   ThatChickOmi
    I wouldn't even entertain him. Honestly, if he is making you that uncomfortable, don't engage. Just simply stop responding and/or block him.

    Also, and I've learned this from experience, mentioning you have a boyfriend doesn't always stop a very motivated person.
  4. by   Guy in Babyland
    Quote from tulipsupontulips
    I also use it to befriend future classmates.
    You wanted to become friends with your future classmates or did you intend to only befriend the females in class? There could be a number of possibilities:
    1 He has an interest in you beyond friend/classmate despite you having a boyfriend.
    2. He is just a flirty male. He has no interest in you beyond friend/ classmate. It is just his personality.
    3. He is a needy person that has latched onto you because you keep feeding into it. A female classmate could have easily been the same way.
  5. by   NICUMurse87
    As a guy, I will admit we can be thick sometimes and not take a hint. If you'd rather have nothing to do with him, I'd say just that, "I'd rather not interact with you, I'm in a committed relationship and don't need more friends." It's not your job to make a guy feel better about himself, and if he gets aggressive or won't stop, then it's become harassment and I would get the school involved. But hopefully, he's just a normal, dumb guy who doesn't get subtlety and will leave you alone when you spell it out for him.
  6. by   TruvyNurse
    Block him. Not worth the time, energy or negativity. You have bigger fish to fry. Don't tell the school either. You'll look very immature and unprofessional. Just block him and leave it. If he becomes harassing, then you can get others involved
  7. by   weaverss
    Quote from rkitty198
    This guy does not sound like he is flirting at all, it sounds like he is a narcissist. He wants to have an ego boost by texting mundane things to make himself look good. You probably are not the only person he sends these texts to. He wants his ego stroked. Living by the mazarati dealership, making tons of money, the text sent to you not meant for you- narcissist all over it. He isn't into you as much as he is into himself
    The trash will take itself out anyways. If he is into nursing to make tons of money he won't make it out of the program so less time you have to deal with him.
    Just ignore him.
    Exactly. He's totally into himself and sounds like he wants you (and everyone else) to be impressed with him as well. When class starts his attitude likely won't change but it'll be a lot easier to ignore it.
    Good luck.
  8. by   WVFNP
    Seriously?
    Shut him down. Tell him you have a boyfriend and you're not interested in speaking/texting/chatting with him. You don't have to be friends with every person in your cohort to succeed in nursing school. Trust me, you'll realize this by the end of your program.
    Just to be honest, a guy that into himself is going to be offended no matter how nicely or easily you tell him to back off. My opinion, go all out and tell him to shove it. lol.
  9. by   KrCmommy522
    You haven't said anything about actually telling this guy to stop texting or even that you have a boyfriend who you've been with for 6 years and are in a happy relationship with. It doesn't really sound like he's been flirting, but I can see it making you uncomfortable with the number of texts hes sending. I understand that you are going to have classes with this guy and want to handle things in the best way possible.
    1) I would definitely not go to the school about this. First of all, you haven't even started school. This is happenening before school starts. So, it seems like it really isn't there problem. IF, once you start school (and after you tell him to leave you alone), he is still making you uncomfortable, then and only then would I go to the school.
    2) You need to speak up for youself. People are not mind readers. You are responding back to him. How does he know you don't want to hear from him anymore? You didn't say anything about saying to him you have a boyfriend. When he said the thing about studying and not distracting him, you could have simply responded back, "Well that won't happen since I've been in a comitted relationship for 6 years." Instead all you said was, "Trust me I won't." That isn't quickly shutting him down, as you said. Quickly shutting him down would have been telling him something like, "I'm not sure if you meant that in a flirty way, but it seemed like it, which makes me uncomfortable because I'm in a relationship and have been for 6 years. Please do not make any type of attempt with flirting with me."
    3) If after you tell him that you are in a relationship and that his persistent texting and photos and videos are uncalled for and making you uncomfortable he is still persisting, then block him. Personally, I would have just done it from the start. But that's just me.

    "Cutting him off slowly" just adds onto the issue. You keep responding without telling him you aren't interested is not going to solve the issue. Again, he can't read your mind. You haven't even hinted that he's making you uncomfortable or that you aren't interested. So, I would simply say something like, I was looking to get to know some names and get some info about nursing school which is why I joined the Facebook group, but that I only gave you my number to discuss the stethoscope. I am in a relationship, and have been for 6 years, and am not interested in you. I'm not sure if you meant to be flirtly, but that's the way I felt you were being. I have a busy life and I don't really have time to be getting all types of videos and pictures of you doing whatever during the day. Please stop texting me. Thank you. Goodbye." Then, I would block him. People don't know that you block them, so I would just do that. Simply because his persistent texting sounds annoying. There are lots of other people in nursing school, who cares if you alienate this guy?! Even if you have to be in a clinical with him, you can still ignore him. If you are worried about that you can be nicer in your response. You can even blame it on your boyfriend like another poster said. Just say something like, "I'm sorry but our texting is making my boyfriend uncomfortable. I respect him and his wishes, so I would appreciate it if you didn't text me anymore. Thank you. Goodbye." And again, block him.

    No matter what, I would block him! Haha! If you don't know how, google it!! But I would definitely do it. If you feel uncomfortable telling him to leave you alone, just block him and be done with it!!
  10. by   Orion81RN
    Quote from ItsThatJenGirl
    Generally I choose not to be subtle about these things. I've had situations develop into stalking and having to get a protective order because I tried to be polite/avoid conflict. I don't do that anymore. I'm nice once, but after that, I don't take any crap. "I'm not interested in you", "you're making me uncomfortable", "if you don't cut the crap, I'm taking this higher up", etc. I also make it a point to never be alone with people I get any weird vibes from. Don't think you owe this guy a single thing - not even courtesy at this point. Don't feel bad for standing up for yourself either.

    Even if you can't "save" every interaction, document it on paper.
    THIS!!! Once you've made it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not interested, any further action on his part is harrassment. I would even tell him that you don't want him contacting you regarding school issues if what follows tends to be personal. That seems to be his gimmick. Trick you into, oh this is innocent school talk, then BAM!!! making you uncomfortable with telling you personal stuff. If he STILL persists, THATs when you notify the school/instructor just to make sure you don't have to be in any group with him.
  11. by   Irish_Mist
    It sounds like this guy is trying to flirt with you. At this point, it sounds harmless. If you don't respond to his texts, he will probably stop bothering you. If he starts threatening you or harassing you, definitely escalate the situation. But based on everything you've written on here, it doesn't sound like it's at that point.

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