How do you handle a stressful situation?

  1. I know that there will be times when I will be yelled at or spoken harshly to about some mistake I've made or something that I don't know that I should know. I get very nervous when this happens and I tend to get flustered and shut down to the point to where I can't even hear what the person is saying. This is embarressing for me. I keep telling myself that it happens to everyone at some time or another and they overcome it and I will too. Just wondering if any of you have suggestions for handling this type of anxiety. I feel so incompetent when this happens and I find myself becoming obsessed with the scenario in my mind instead of forgetting it and moving on. No one likes to be put down or scolded, especially in front of others but it happens. This is something I've struggled with all my life. I want to be a nurse so bad, but I know that this behavior is self-destructive and could prevent me from succeeding. I am very proud of myself and my accomplishments so far and I have a drive that won't let me quit. I have to see this through.

    Thanks to all the members of this site. I have really enjoyed and learned so much from all of you. I would have never confessed this to anyone else.
    •  
  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   live4today
    Hello Debbie5

    Since you mention struggling with this all of your life, you were no doubt brainwashed into this behavior mode by those in authority over you as a child. You became an adult, married, and probably behave the same way when you and your spouse or another adult yells or raises their voice at you over something you may have said or done that was displeasing to THEM. Notice....I captitalized the world "THEM" because the way another person handles disappointments in life often times have to do with the way they were "handled"...treated...as children by authoritarian figures, so the very ones DOING the yelling or screaming or shaking of the finger are the ones who learned that behavior from those who did the same thing to them. Are you with me so far???

    If so........I continue.....

    The best way to overcome that which we do NOT like or care for anymore is to retrain our thought processes by PARENTING ourselves into a totally different LIKABLE direction. For example, you must bring the authoritarian figures of your past into proper perspective now that you are an adult who is free to think for yourself, act for yourself, reason for yourself, and make decisions all by yourself without any outside influence attached to the decisions you desire to make FOR YOURSELF.

    Begin to think of yourself in a FREE LIGHT....and not in one that tends to inhibit your growth as a human being. Tell yourself that it's MORE THAN OKAY to think for yourself, and to state what you will or will not tolerate in your life. If need be......take an assertiveness training class BEFORE you start the nursing program, or at least in the very early stages of starting school.

    I share with you a website that another person shared on this website not too long ago now. Perhaps it will prove helpful to you. It is: www.bullybusters.org/def.html

    If I can be of any further help to you, just send me a "PM". :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Aug 13, '02
  4. by   shygirl
    I cry
  5. by   Debbie5
    Renee, did you know my family when I was young??
    You are absolutely correct. My mother was very strict and I was always taught that children are to be seen and not heard. I was never allowed to make decisions for myself. When I started dating my hubby, he recognized it and many times would put me in situations where I had to make choices. Now that we have four children, we are trying to make sure that they grow up to be good citizens who can make good and wise decisions. I am very blessed to have such good kids who are very self-confident and able to overcome so much.

    Thank you, I really appreciate your insight on this.
  6. by   RNIAM
    I usually cry.I do listen while their talking or yelling at me but when I get out of the situation I cry. I hate when someone dresses another down in front of others.It is demeaning. It is meant to be that way. If you have a problem with someone you talk to them in private. If you can't right away then you wait until an appropriate time. this drives me nuts.
  7. by   live4today
    Originally posted by Debbie5
    Renee, did you know my family when I was young??
    You are absolutely correct. My mother was very strict and I was always taught that children are to be seen and not heard. I was never allowed to make decisions for myself. When I started dating my hubby, he recognized it and many times would put me in situations where I had to make choices. Now that we have four children, we are trying to make sure that they grow up to be good citizens who can make good and wise decisions. I am very blessed to have such good kids who are very self-confident and able to overcome so much.

    Thank you, I really appreciate your insight on this.
    Did I know your family when you were young? YES and NO...let me explain:

    We tend to think that we are so different as human beings, but we are all alike and akin in more ways than we care to acknowledge, Debbie. Anyone who has grown up in a home like you mention......me included.......KNOWS the drama behind it all.
    That's what is so neat about being human. We all come from the same DNA...PRIOR TO BEING BORN. Many deny that DNA, but what the hay....aint nuttin' new about that drama...many human daddy's have been denying their DNA for centuries. :chuckle

    The way we often times respond to life as adults has a lot to do with those "internal records" that still play loud and clear in our subconscious minds.......those tapes hold the authoritarian voices of our past.......our parents......teachers.......other's in authority over us during our childhood. Those "voices" are ingrained in us...once we become adults.....it is up to us to "throw out the garbage, and keep that which is healthy to keep". :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Aug 13, '02
  8. by   debrakaye
    Debbie5, I'm right there with you! I've been worried about this same thing this summer waiting for classes to start! I react the same way you do and also cry, I HATE doing that in front of others! I keep reading cheerfuldoer's posts perhaps someday they'll sink in. In the meantime I have a little stash of lorazepam that I'm saving for special occasions....Good luck to us both, we'll get thru it somehow!
  9. by   kittyw
    Ok Renee .... how can we work to overcome this???

    My stepmom would always give me the slient treatment for weeks when I did something "wrong". This might be something as silly as not jumping up from the dinner table & clearing it off as fast as she wanted me to. She also would tell me how bad I looked & she just hated my perfume (Beautiful). One morning on the way to school she told me that I just smelled terrible & she ought to let me walk to school & if I EVER wore it again she would make me walk. She would open my mail before I got it & throw away that which she did not want me to see. I haven't talked to her in 5 years - longest slient treatment yet!!

    Now ... I'm trying to get my self-confidence back. When I go to see my attorney I usually end up crying. BUT I went yesterday & stood my ground (I've gone through 3 attorneys in my divorce case.) and did not cry! I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

    Thanks!
  10. by   sunnygirl272
    cry
  11. by   babynursewannab
    I feel inflamed and mortified then cry.
  12. by   live4today
    Originally posted by kittyw
    Ok Renee .... how can we work to overcome this???

    My stepmom would always give me the slient treatment for weeks when I did something "wrong". This might be something as silly as not jumping up from the dinner table & clearing it off as fast as she wanted me to. She also would tell me how bad I looked & she just hated my perfume (Beautiful). One morning on the way to school she told me that I just smelled terrible & she ought to let me walk to school & if I EVER wore it again she would make me walk. She would open my mail before I got it & throw away that which she did not want me to see. I haven't talked to her in 5 years - longest slient treatment yet!!

    Now ... I'm trying to get my self-confidence back. When I go to see my attorney I usually end up crying. BUT I went yesterday & stood my ground (I've gone through 3 attorneys in my divorce case.) and did not cry! I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

    Thanks!
    Keep your chin up, kittyw. I went through three attorneys also when getting divorced from my ex, and if I knew then what I know now.....I wouldn't have paid out one red dime for an attorney because none of the ones I had were out for anything but themselves......$$$$$....that's all they see, unfortunately. I even thought if I got a FEMALE attorney, she would be more honest in handling my case, but she was the worse one of the three. Save your $$$$ and do your own divorce case. You're only going to get what the law allows anyway, so why pay for what is already "lawfully" yours. Makes perfect sense, huh? :kiss

    Many an adult today still carries around that little boy or girl that use to be traumatized by an "authority figure" from their childhood. It's hard to shake those images, those voices...yet it is something we MUST do if we are to reach our FULL maturation process as adults.

    I had a psychologists ask me once during treatment "how old was I?" I said...Excuse me? She said, "I know you are 37, but how old are you really..........in emotional years??? I didn't have a clue!

    Adults may be one age chronologically speaking, and a total different age "emotionally speaking" simply because of the way we were treated as children. Even if a child had a "happy childhood" and love both of their parents (or the sole parent in the home)...they still can be one age in numbers, and a whole different number emotionally speaking. (i.e. spoiled adults who want what they want when they want it because they always had it that way as children???)

    The only thing we can do is be a support group to one another here, and try to help each other overcome some of those issues from our past.......particularly from our childhood. :kiss
  13. by   GPatty
    I tend to clam up. Horribly. I won't speak at all, or if I do, I am so calm that one wonders where all the anger went. It's inside me and I wish I could let it go sometimes. But I am afraid to in front of people in authority (like my boss....when I didn't get the raise I was PROMISED!)
    I have read Renee's posts about different things and I believe I would like to take an assertiveness training course. I think I will if I can find one offered.
  14. by   Mkue
    being the analyzer that i am and critic... you can guess what i do first.. analyze..lol.. i always try to keep a cool head but i dont' like to be walked all over either.. sometimes this looks like i'm a bit__ but i'm really not..lol..

    i try to figure out if it's small stuff or not and handle it as best i can. this is not easy with italian blood..lol..

close