HELP!! My husband is killing my study schedule...

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I just started NS last week. I have a six month old baby and a teenager at home. My husband works weird hours and the teenage is, well, a typical teenage. So when my husband is at work I have very little help with the baby or with chores, which means very little time to study.

The problem comes when my husband IS home. When he comes home I try to hand off our son......which last for about 20 minutes max. Next thing I know he's either handing him back to me or bringing him in to show me something cute he is doing.

My husband wants me to go out to eat with him....watch movies at night.....go to sleep when he goes to sleep.....be awake when he's awake. I get up for clinicals at 6 and if the baby is up at night.....I'm up.

I'm starting to panic that if I don't get some free time to study I'm not gonna make it. UGH.....What do I say to make my husband understand that NS is not like taking a regular college class? :banghead:

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Good questions, because I'm going (will be going) through the same thing. I have 3 kids and my husband works afternoons. He has a one track mind about 97% of the time. My husband insists that he will do everything he can to help. Well, track records speak for themselves, so I'm pretty much prepared to do just about everything pertaining to our kids on my own, including the cleaning, errands, doctor appts., grocery shopping, cooking. Yeah...and then he wants to hang out and watch a movie together or go visit friends/family, or just go driving around. I just keep reminding myself that it's for 18 months; these issues are only temporary; I can do this.

It's hard not to feel resentment towards my husband from time to time, but we generally work through it until the next time he starts slacking.

Whenever my husband is slow to respond to our families needs, I remind him of the amount of money my education is costing us--Sometimes that helps put things into perspective for him.

Sorry I don't have any good advice for you. Hopefully someone else can help us both out.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Call a family meeting with both husband and teen. Reiterate what your needs are. And then tell them you will be leaving the house to study at least three nights a week and need them to commit to picking up that slack while you are gone.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hem/Onc.

Do the family meeting ASAP, and stick to your guns! If you don't get them on the ball early, it's only going to get worse.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Another option would be to set a meeting with your nursing advisor and let HER tell them what your schedule and time demands are going to be all through this program. Then go out to dinner together and form a plan together.

The only way you will be successful is if you can get them on board.

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My fiance is the same way. Except I don't have kids to deal with. I've pretty much accepted that I will still be doing all the chores and cooking. He also insists that I go to bed the same time as him because he can't sleep without me there. And he really likes our TV and movie time which probably will be cut short once I start school on Monday. I'm going to have a hard time telling him that I can't hang out with him because then he gets all sad. :crying2:

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Yeah, good luck doing any of the other poster's ideas. A family meeting? Oh my gah...but then again, maybe some men are more responsive in a *positive* way to things like that.

I wish I could help you, but I have learned from experience that there is often nothing a woman can do when her SO acts like that. For me, getting necessary time to myself always wound up in an argument and (his) hurt feelings. Men often act hurt so they can get what they want from you. So just expect that to happen and decide if him acting like a martyr all the time is a better situation. I'm sorry you're in that boat. It's not fair when any SO, man or woman, does that to their SO - monopolizes their time, makes them feel guilty, won't put in the effort needed to support the SO during school or whatever. It's incredibly selfish and no one got married to have to live like that.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I guess I am just lucky. Communication has always been key to a harmonious household in these parts.

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RN2BDFW, my parents' marriage is like that. They communicate very well and neither takes offense if the other has an issue. My marriage was not like that at all. And from what I hear from other women specifically in my age group (I am 25), their husbands are also hyper-sensitive. I was talking to my best friend about this yesterday - she and her husband tried to do a "preventive maintenance" marriage book study, and they quit halfway through because he was getting too hurt by her constructive criticisms.

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Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.

Tell the teen gas money/allowance are conditional and require chores and babysitting. Set aside a few minutes quality time for hubby on a regular basis, and a block of time on one weekend night. Find a cafe with wifi or the library for quiet study time. Tell hubby and teen if they do not assist, you will have to use the allowance and part of the budget for a housekeeper instead. When it becomes clear you won't do it all, they will often start helping and be more respectful. You are doing something that will benefit the whole family. They should work with you as a team. If not, go on strike. I did this once- cooked, cleaned, and shopped for only myself. Took two days to get an apology and help.

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My husband is in school, so we study together. I also do homework when he's at work. Is there a hobby he can pick up?

I know people who stay at campus later, or go to a local library, because they know that once they go home, they won't get much study time.

Have the teen babysit for you and do the chores. Give them an incentive for doing this. There is always something you can bribe a teenager with.

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Specializes in Peds; Cardiac, NICU, PACU.

I started my process a few months b4 so I could work all the kinks out. I have 3 boys 13, 10,& 7. I also have a husband. I assigned each one of them chores. I also communicated to my DH about talking to me while Im studying so he has learned not to do that. If you have a teenager there is no reason why they shouldnt be doing chores! In the end you will have to stand up to them and be stern about it and dont give in. Eventually they will understand how important this is to all of you. I make Friday a free day so I do no studying on that day. Its all about family. Make a schedule that works best for all of you and give it to them. It works for me I hope it does for you too.

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