You know you've been a nurse for too long when..........

Nurses General Nursing

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My first thought last night when I got my patient's blood all over my scrubs was, bugger, I am going to have to do my laundry tonight now, instead of tomorrow. No consideration of how awful it looked, or that I should really change, just having to do my laundry at midnight.

We had an inservice about patients who are ejected from motor vehicles and the educator showed a particularly horrific ejection video. I was saying to the person sitting next to me, "is that limp bizkit?", the music in the video was familiar. The educator says to me later, "I show something like that and your mind is immediately at what music is playing"?. Um, yeah.

My neighbours' daughter came over unannounced with her boyfriend the other (friday) night, she is 19, tearful and anxious and telling me about her belly pain and some urinary/lady partsl symptoms. I ask her, in front of her boyfriend (with her permission) whether she showers or goes to the toilet straight after sex, about her menstrual cycles, what pill she is on, when was her last smear, any smelly discharge and so on. I tell her on numerous occasions that I am NOT a doctor, which doesn't seem to sink in. Ultimately, 2 hours later after mum has arrived and basic vital signs have been taken, belly palpated, over the counter painkillers and urinary alkalisers administered, she decides to go to the doctor tomorrow and not go to the ED. Incidentally, suspected UTI confirmed the next day by GP. I remember saying to her, you have to ask yourself, is this an emergency?. The whole time she was here I was thinking, I just want to finish painting my bloody loungeroom and clean up! Is that wrong?

I often think about how my thought patterns and attitudes about things have changed over the years, my responses to situations. The funny thing is, I am particularly sensitive and emotional, I'm a crier. Maybe now I just know that I have seen enough to know that I will never see it all. What are your stories?.

Specializes in Hospice, ER.

I understand this also. When my Grandmother died (I wasn't a nurse yet but had worked in hospitals for years) I was relieved. I cried a tear or two but was glad her suffering was over. She had lung CA and had smoked 2 cartons a week forever (yes, cartons, not packs). I figure she is in the Am-Vets in the sky with her family with a Budwiser in one hand and a Doral cig in the other. It wouldn't be heaven for her without her suds and cigs. She died at home in her own bed with my mom and aunt at her side, hooray for hospice. I often wonder, when we keep people alive at all costs, what is wrong with dying with dignity and in comfort. We have lost sight of quality of life vs. quantity of life.

Coming down off the soapbox, I can clean up anything, insert anything, do anything (including maggots) and still eat my lunch.

Specializes in LTC, office.

I understand too. I lost my Mom after a 3 month battle with metastatic liver CA. She went from being an independent 82 year old lady who no one believed was even 80 to a woman who looked every day her stated age and more in a matter of a month. We went through so much in a short couple of months and I didn't cry when it was over either. There are worse things than death and her last couple of months were a perfect example of that. I loved her and miss her terribly and certainly grieved but I did not shed tears.

Specializes in Peds home care...vents,dialysis, transpl.

when you are out with friends and a guy hits on you and you sit next to him and admire his lovely veins...or one other thing...automatically double glove always always in prep for a bowel program;;;

Specializes in M/S, ICU, ICP.
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"i was saying to the person sitting next to me, "is that limp bizkit?", the music in the video was familiar."

you've been a nurse too long (aka old-er nurse) when:

1. this is the first time you've heard of "limp bizkit."

2. you have more aches and pain than your patients.

3. you are older than the hospital administrator.

4. your patient complained of constipation and you tell your patient, "i know how you feel."

5. during your annual avaluation your nurse manager asked you about your professional plan for the next 5 years and you answered, "what plan?"

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on your #5...you know you've been nursing too long when .... your answer to the 5 year plan is to just "live long enough retire with my sanity intact.'

all true stories...

when you go to to the supermarket and hear someone give a good juicy cough and you say, reflexively, "that's good; do it again, deep breath..."

when your new-mom daughter calls and says, "if i email you a picture of a rash will you tell me if i need to take her to the doctor?"

when your adolescent son asks you, "did you have migraines more when you had your menstrual period?" because his girlfriend does, and you say, "yeah, but not so much since i got perimenopausal," and keep on stirring the gravy.

when your gyn surgeon asks you how you're doing 2 weeks post hysterectomy and you tell him you've already checked to see if you're still orgasmic, but because he looks so horrified you tell him not to worry because you used sterile lube and no lady partsl penetration to bust up his cuff stitches. (we are very fond of each other, even though we only see each other once a year, and of course, he sees rather more of me than i do of him -- another doc who loves women and who loves nurses. i'll be so sorry when he retires.)

Specializes in i pull sheaths :).

I get really excited over urine, like yellow straw-colored urine. I work on a post-heart cath floor and we do see a lot of acute renal failure due to IV contrast dye. And its too funny when my hubby sometimes forgets to flush the toilet and I can tell he is dehydrated due to being a factory worker, no air, and 110 degrees, I will instruct him to increase his fluids because his urine 'sample' looked awful, Bahaha he looks at me sideways like 'really.......are you serious?' lol

Specializes in ICU, ER, EP,.

17 years later here are mine:

1. at the mall, i mentally diagnose people who look ill and turn into a store to avoid being present if they fall out.

2. my icu patient who has been circling the drain for a week looks worse on my shift of course and i'm thinking "just make it to 715am, 715 am".

3. i get off every elevator when a very pregnant woman enters it, every single time (childbirth is my nemisis).

4. when a real vtac alarm excites the new staff and i roll your eyes and think "seriously? i was just going to pee dang it!"

5. in the er tonight, a terrified person ran in screaming there was a dead person on the sidewalk. we all go running out to find our regular drunkard out there, not dead. we all said in unison, "ohhhh, that's just joe". the do-gooder looked on in astonishment as we woke him up and told him to get off the property and go home. (lives a block down, this happens frequently, if we don't see him passed out on property every few days, then we worry).

6. i set my er schedule to avoid working on full moon nights

7. my er has not three but four frequent flyers that fake seizures. we have an unofficial contest to see who can get any of these goof balls to be tricked into waking up. this week i came up with... "doctor, i think the patient is dead, should i call for a spot in the morgue?" and not a single one came in/or was assigned to me and i'm saving it for this week then.

When the smell of C. Diff doesn't bother you anymore!

When your child, as a preschooler, gets into an argument with another preschooler about how babies are born. My daughter was convinced they're all born by C-section. Yeah, that was a pleasant conversation with another mother's child. LOL

When the same child, now entering kindergarten, gets into an argument with her teacher. The teacher pointed to the child's knee and asked what that's called. Daughter promptly answered, "That's my patella." Teacher marked her wrong. Daughter got mad and tearfully asked me to tell the teacher that it really IS a patella. The teacher sweetly explained that she meant the knee....daughter angrily told her that if that's what she wanted, she shouldn't have pointed at the BONE. LOL

Same kid....about 9 years old. Spouted the 12 cranial nerves and whether they're motor, sensory, or both to a doctor - then didn't even bother smirking when the doctor's jaw dropped open. She also told him some of the different types of tissues that I can't even remember now. I believe one was non-keratinized stratified....something....lol and the other was pseudostratified columnar something. We had mnemonics for them - one was No KiSSeS and the other was PCCE.

Same kid in middle school - she and her friend were at a drama club performance when the other girl slammed a door on her toe. Daughter calmly helped her to the dressing room, elevated her foot and gently removed her shoe and sock, and delegated other kids to make an impromptu ice pack. She sent another kid to get her friend's parents out of the audience. Turned out the friend's toe was broken, and daughter gave pretty good first aide - for a 10 year old. LOL

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
7. my er has not three but four frequent flyers that fake seizures. we have an unofficial contest to see who can get any of these goof balls to be tricked into waking up. this week i came up with... "doctor, i think the patient is dead, should i call for a spot in the morgue?" and not a single one came in/or was assigned to me and i'm saving it for this week then.

mentioning things like "foley catheter" and "rectal temperature" would probably work well, too....

Specializes in ICU, ER, EP,.
mentioning things like "foley catheter" and "rectal temperature" would probably work well, too....

i love doing the amonia salt and watching and counting how long they can hold thier breath. pt. takes a breath and we all say "there ya go".. getting your discharge papers now.

i really feel for our ems peeps that have to bring them in, over and over again. and nope, no boxed lunch or medicaid cab for you... bus ticket or hitch a ride.

While taking a break from my real job I worked at Panera Bread, when a customer asked to try the soup I was corrected for telling my coworker to "give them a specimine"

I also called the soup pans, troughs... but that's from another line of work!

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