I had a family the other day that I really just felt bad about. The patient was only 50 and had cancer of the lungs. Two dgters and a few young grandchildren. You can just tell these people really didn't have much. However, the patient was dying, soon. As I got on shift she was still alert and terrified so I asked her if she wanted me to call the Chaplin for her. She nodded her head, eyes as big as saucers. After he left I went to check on her and one of the dgters was in the room. I asked her, where is your sister? She said, she had to go home to get her husband and children. (I knew they lived well over 45 minutes away.) I said, does she want to be here when you mom dies? She looked shocked that I said that...Yes, she said. Should I call her back? Well, yes, right away. An hour later I went to check on the patient and her dgter was leaving, again. I calmly walked over, checked her pulse (none) she had that shallow, ineffective breathing and her heart was bounding. I looked at the dgter that remained and said, did your sister go out for a cigarette? No, she said, mom is sleeping so she went home. I looked her straight in the eye and said, go get her, now. She said, well, you don't understand, her husband got paid today and they need to get the check. Ok, I do understand, really I do. But your mom is dying as we speak. She looked shocked. Ran out of the room and got her sister in the parking lot. They said to me, now what? Umm, you say good-bye. I pulled up chairs to let them sit beside her and stayed in the room in case they needed support in the end. She died with her dgters holding her hands 5 minutes later.
So I guess, the problem I have is this...Both daughters were told by me that mom was dying soon. Both girls knew early in the day that death was soon. No plans were made by them to get the spouse to the bank by a friend or another family member. No arrangements were made for a sitter for the youngest child (a baby that is not yet 1) So, he was in the room when grandma died. No funeral arrangements were made. WTH! When you have a Hospice nurse telling you, your mom is going to die, soon. FREAKIN LISTEN! Am I asking too much?
(OH YEAH! As a side note, when your told you have Stage 4 lung cancer with extensive mets and a cancer center tells you nothing more can be done. HERE IS A THOUGHT! Make some arrangements. Tell your family what kind of service you want. How about put a downpayment on something. THAT way, when you die at 7:30 at night your kids aren't staring at the nurse saying "We don't know what to do. We don't have a funeral home picked out and Oh yeah, NO money to pay for it.) FYI, I found out you can be cremated for 850.00.
