Well. If I give too much info there will definitely be people who know exactly who and what I'm talking about, and that would be bad. If I don't get it out, it'll be bad. It's like confession, there are things I don't even tell a priest. (Not being catholic, not even being a churchgoing type.)
So there are two things that I'm losing my sh!t over. One is one of our surgeons who doesn't wash his hands and has some patients recently with nasty postop infections. I know his habits because I've seen them in action- mind you, not in the OR but in ICU. The sink is right in the middle, mister, and I clean the counter every other time I pass by it so it's readily accessible. ARGH. I just pray that I don't snap and say something unprofessional about him in front of a family someday, so I gotta vent. It'd be easier to deal with if he wasn't also the proud owner of a very nasty personality.
The other thing is a patient. Sweet little chick, postop infection, long hospital stay, numerous complications. She reminds me of both my daughter and my little sister. Her cardiac issues scare me the most. By now she's beat down, tired of all of us (nurses, aides, PT, whole darn staff), scared and still really sick. The little thing just looks at me and it gets me choked up. I don't even want to be her nurse for the shift because I can't be unemotional, the detachment is prettymuch gone. I held her hand for a procedure the other day and it just about hurt me as much as it did her; or that's what I thought, anyhow. I know some of her affect problems are related to one of her complications... but she just looks pitiful. I'm too sympathetic, too empathetic, too whatever. There have been several mornings where I cried all the way home and prayed the entire time. Prayer both for the patient and that I wouldn't have to explain my state to a cop or a paramedic.
So anyhow. I don't know what to do with this. I'm a mess, it upsets my husband when I come home looking like my family just died. I've been ... emotionally involved in my patients' care before, but this just takes the cake, even for me. I'm really hoping this will pass, but the patient won't. Not for a long, long time.