Suggestive ways of how you handled difficult patients/family

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Burnout & Resiliency Coaching for Nurses.

So I had a difficult family the other night that ended up with a mediation between myself and the charge nurse, the nursing supervisor, and a patients family.

I didn't really know what to say to those people except just listen to how horrible of nurse I was, how horrible our floor was, and how there were several "incidents" they could have gotten people fired over or reported but didn't because they didn't want to cause any trouble. Funny thing was when offered to move to another floor stated the other floors were the same. The nursing supervisor told me to write up an incident report since most of the claims were obnoxious.

My question is how do you handle a difficult family when their complaints and comments are obnoxious or semi-abusive. Does anyone have good ideas? I know I am not a bad nurse, because I have had many patients say wonderful things to me. But it really burns when you hear that you are a terrible nurse. People say ignore them, but how do you ignore flat out nastiness? It makes it seem like it is excusable. I became a nurse to help the sick, not be the emotional punching bag.

:bowingpurSo advice greatly appreciate. :bowingpur

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Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.

Wow, not quite sure how I would have responded to that. Sounds like you did all the right things, allowing the complaint to go up the chain of command. Some families are just soo abusive. It is terrible.

I would suggest rotating this patient from nurse to nurse so that one nurse doesn't get stuck with having him over and over again. Also, have a team meeting about the patient so that care is consistent. Families like this are notorious for playing good cop/bad cop with nursing staff. "You're the only one that helps us, everyone else is horrible" type of behavior.

Provide the best care that you provide everyone else! Refuse to be manipulated!

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Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.

Document everything you can to cover yourself. If i felt the way you did i might even try and have another nurse present while giving care, so that way there is a witness to their behavior.

I wouldn't take it to heart. Some patients and their families are just outright rude and have a disgusting attitude to nurses and seem to think that they are the only people that matter in the hospital, and that you are their slave. You say other patients have said that your a wonderful nurse, focus on them instead.

If i had to look after this patient again i would address my concerns to the charge nurse and have all of this documented.

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When there's a complaint, I'm approachable enough that a patient will tell me, so I deal with things on the spot with the patient. Among other things, the patient is feeling things out to see if he will get attention by complaining or look like a fool to anyone he calls in, so by the example of my reaction, I can help the patient understand how others will see the situation.

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When someone starts going off with vague complaints like you describe, I ask them to narrow it down. I explain that telling me our floor is "horrible" means nothing to me; if they want to resolve the problem, they need to give me specific examples. Sometimes that helps to focus the person and they're able to voice exactly what it is that concerns them, and then we can work on finding a solution.

I have had cases where they can't (or won't) be specific. In my experience, this has always been from families rather than patients. In those cases, you just document very well and send it up the ladder. There have been a few that we have moved off the floor; we didn't ask their permission, but simply told them that since we obviously weren't serving their needs to their expectations and there was no apparent resolution to this problem, we felt it best to move them to another unit.

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Specializes in critical care.

Definately DOCUMENT, as well as chain of command. If the problem escalated that far, I would make certain that this patient was rotated thru staff, do not take him/her 2 days in a row. Continuity of care just will not suffice for your peace of mind! I do not have a magic ingredient that makes taking care of these patients easier...perhaps the family would like to chip in on a private duty nurse...I do suggest that to my more demanding pt/families.

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The fact that your manager is backing you up is a good thing. Sometimes it helps to remember that relatives are stressed when spending time in the hospital with a loved one, and nothing makes those people happy. People like that are usually the ones with unrealistic views of nursing and their expectations are enough to give you an eyebrow cramp for how many times it gets raised!! I know it's upsetting.......have a rant and get it out of your system, then let it go.

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Sometimes patient families are angry about stuff that has nothing to do with you.

You can feel the hostility right away from the first meeting before you say good morning.

You have done nothing to earn this hostility, yet here you are-a target.

Make sure your documentaton is thorough. Be very polite and listen to their concerns. If you can seem caring, they might calm down.

Keep your charge nurse informed about what is going on, and if you can, try not to get assigned to the patient for too long a stretch.

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Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.
Sometimes patient families are angry about stuff that has nothing to do with you.

You can feel the hostility right away from the first meeting before you say good morning.

You have done nothing to earn this hostility, yet here you are-a target.

Make sure your documentaton is thorough. Be very polite and listen to their concerns. If you can seem caring, they might calm down.

Keep your charge nurse informed about what is going on, and if you can, try not to get assigned to the patient for too long a stretch.

When I was Charge on Medical we had a family who never left their mother alone, for a single minute. There were 3 children and multiple adult grandchildren, and they rotated "shifts" w/this pt 24/7. The minute you stepped into the room for ANY reason, they wrote down your name and everything that you said or did while you were in there in a spiral-bound notebook that they sat with in their laps at all times. Once I was making rounds w/an MD that told the son he would not talk w/him unless he closed the notebook and put it away. There had never been an "incident" w/these people, yet their attitude screamed OFFENSIVE from the moment you opened the door. The patient was a wonderful lady, while her family, well, they just stunk!:p

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Specializes in critical care.
When I was Charge on Medical we had a family who never left their mother alone, for a single minute. There were 3 children and multiple adult grandchildren, and they rotated "shifts" w/this pt 24/7. The minute you stepped into the room for ANY reason, they wrote down your name and everything that you said or did while you were in there in a spiral-bound notebook that they sat with in their laps at all times. Once I was making rounds w/an MD that told the son he would not talk w/him unless he closed the notebook and put it away. There had never been an "incident" w/these people, yet their attitude screamed OFFENSIVE from the moment you opened the door. The patient was a wonderful lady, while her family, well, they just stunk!:p

I know of multiple families that did the same thing , writing everything down. It wasn't that they were abusive, but just that whole documenting everything was meant to intimidate the staff. I understand that families do have the right to be informed but I agree it is OFFENSIVE to utilize such passive-aggressive tendencies.

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Many many years ago I worked in a nursing home as a charge nurse. There was a nasty husband who was always screaming and yelling at all of the nursing staff.:angryfire He was totally abusive to everyone every day. All he could say was that all of us were horrible and that his wife had horrible care at our facility. I finally let him have it. I looked him straight in the eye and loudly said "If this place is so horrible why do you keep your wife in such a horrible place? Why don't you take her home and yes you, you take care of her yourself! He was totally shocked and speechless! He never talked or yelled at me again. Of course, this happened many many years ago. I'm sure if I made such a remark in today's world of "customer service" nursing I would be fired.

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When I was Charge on Medical we had a family who never left their mother alone, for a single minute. There were 3 children and multiple adult grandchildren, and they rotated "shifts" w/this pt 24/7. The minute you stepped into the room for ANY reason, they wrote down your name and everything that you said or did while you were in there in a spiral-bound notebook that they sat with in their laps at all times. Once I was making rounds w/an MD that told the son he would not talk w/him unless he closed the notebook and put it away. There had never been an "incident" w/these people, yet their attitude screamed OFFENSIVE from the moment you opened the door. The patient was a wonderful lady, while her family, well, they just stunk!:p

I'd hug that doc. :yeah:

That really is a horrible way to treat the medical staff caring for your mother. If you have a problem state it so it an can be addressed. I also think there are some people that just have no life and behave like this quite a bit. Shameful.

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