plate too full

lesrn2005 · Oct 5, 2007

I'm up also (with you-sending you big hugs)!! Your plate is full-do you have any family, i.e., siblings, aunts, uncles, to help? Sounds like you're carrying this alone.

fultzymom · Oct 5, 2007

WOW!! Your plate really is full. I have had a rough year this year too. I won't bother you with the details as you do not need more to think about. Is there any support people out there for you? My church family helped me so much this year. Everyone stepped up to help out with whatever we needed. I hope for your sake there is someone for you like that. My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family. :icon_hug:

sharona97, BSN, RN · Oct 5, 2007

I agree, the church really helped out with some issues I had last year. Try them, talk to them, cry, it's okay you can't fix everything right now. Who could? Sounds like you need a big hug, some sleep and some folks on your side to step to the plate. Ask for some help, dear. Need FMLA time off to help with your mom? Yourself? Your family? It's there for reasons like this.

Best Wishes and God Bless you,

Sharona

fmrnicumom · Oct 5, 2007

Big, big (((((Hugs))))) to you. You definitely have a lot going on. I am sorry about the loss of your dad. I agree, if there is anyone you can reach out to, please do. Many churches will help you even if you don't go there, you just have to ask. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You've probably counseled others on that too - you can't help anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself. I know it's hard with so much going on, but it's very important. Please see what you can do to get help so you're not doing this all on your own.

Take care.

Tiffany

jrbl77, RN · Oct 5, 2007

i do have 2 sisters and 1 brother. my one sister seems to have a good understanding of the situation, but my other sister and brother seem to think that at the end of 3 months mom will get up and be back to her old self. i have learned that often people will say to you what can i do to help and then when you ask its like oh.... i will probaly try to talk to a different counselor through the employee assist program. i have applied for intermittent fmla, but only have 4 vac days acrueed as i have only been at this job for a year. my husband and i are supposed to go to mexico next year with friends and i have to try to save a few vac days.my husband rally wants to go. plus i really want to be off for a few days for my daughter's wedding. i guess i am just so used to being the one to fix everything and this is something that i can't. gotta go to work now to help all those other people that are lucky to have me.

Katnip, RN · Oct 5, 2007

It doesn't matter what your siblings think will happen in a few months. They need to start pitching in more now.

Do take some time off. Or maybe you need to see an outside counselor to help you deal with some of this stress. The EAP obviously was pretty useless.

My heart goes out to you. It really is a rough time, but if you have friends, church members, etc., don't hesitate to ask them for help too.

It's true that you can't take care of others for long unless you're cared for first.

RN1989 · Oct 5, 2007

You cannot fix everything. The sooner you put this into your heart and head and understand it - you will feel better. So many things get out of control and nurses always feel like they have to be the ones to get the job done. Your hospice job does not help as you are emotionally spent with your own family issues and now have these families and patients sapping the last little bit of life that you have.

STOP DOING EVERYTHING! I know from personal experience that letting go is harder to do than anything else. But for your own sanity you must let things go. Your daughter is an adult. It is unfortunate that she was hurt, but she is mending and must learn to do more on her own - after all she is getting married and will have to do many things on her own. Your mother is an adult. Speak with her about her needs and ask her what she feels is the solution to her issues. Explain to her all these things that you have told us. Tell your siblings that it is time they started taking responsibility in the family. The nurse in the family is ALWAYS the one that gets loaded down because the family thinks that nurses are stronger than Hercules and don't have needs of their own. And what about your husband? What can he be doing to help lighten your load?

Have you even told your family how overwhelmed you are and that you are nearing the breaking point? There is no such thing as Super Nurse. We all try to do it at one point or another but in the end, we harm ourselves and then our families and patients suffer. If you haven't asked for help, it is high time that you do. Assign chores to the family. What needs to be done in your family? What things can only be done by you- as Mom/wife/nurse? Be honest! We nurses tend to think that no one can do the things that we do. Nice thought but that's a load of baloney. They may not do it to our satisfaction, but they can do the tasks in their own way. Think of your family and friends as unlicensed healthcare workers (CNAs/pt care techs). They may need some direction, but they are capable of doing things without you always being immediately involved and present.

Are you praying about these issues? Have you given your burden to God and let him take the feelings of guilt, anger, and frustration?

You are not the only person to feel like this. But you alone have the power to decide what you need to do. You are on your way to a meltdown if you don't step back and make a plan. God is the only one that can do everything and not fall apart. So step back, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and make a nursing care plan for your self. Prayers and hugs to you as you go through this difficult time.

imenid37 · Oct 5, 2007

I can't fix everything for you. I do hope that things get better soon. As for the washer, do you have Freecycle or Craig's list in your area? Sometimes people are giving something away like this because they are moving or upgrading. I know it's not your biggest worry, but it might help some small part of the problem. My friend got an oven this way last year for free. It was a big help when she was financially in the hole. I hope you will get some good luck soon. You don't deserve all of this grief.

SaderNurse05, BSN, RN · Oct 5, 2007

DEFINATELY contact your EAP again. Tell them you are not happy with the "help" you got last time and insist on something more appropriate. Our EAP has helped employees find healthcare assistance (in home, skilled nursing, etc) for their parents/siblings/children that live all over the US. They should have access toresources that will make some of these things easier for you, and provide some sort of couneling for your piece of mind. Know that we care and are praying for you as well.

loricatus · Oct 5, 2007

Sometimes we just can't fix everything or put all the pieces back to where they were before they broke. It seems like you have done all you could and did it quite well. Your mother is being well taken care of and lucky to have come out of the accident alive. It takes time to heal and grieve losses (including her loss of independence). You need time to grieve, too. You may not have fixed everything in the sense that you could take back time and start all over again; but, you did fix the problems at hand by finding the appropriate solution for the particular situation.

You need to look at your situation as if someone else was telling you your own story-what advise would you be giving them?

I think that you just have to sit back and start investing energy in your own healing process. You have given everything you have for others and must now take the time for yourself. Best Wishes for you. :icon_hug:

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Oct 6, 2007

i am having a major crisis in my life. i have always been the person to fix everything and too many things have happened and i can't fix all of them. my 20 yr old daughter was involved in a atv accident in aug. thank god only her knee was injuried. she has gained almos t full use of her knee, she will always have a bad scar. a month later in sept my parent s were involved in a car accident. my dad was vented in the er and transferred to a big city trauma levle one center. he had a fractured pelvis. mom went there also with fx leg and arm. .long story short, dad on vent for almos t 2 weeks, not getiing any better- md's wanted a trach etc. decided to take off vent and died less than 12 hrs later. i am a hospice nurse and wanted drips for my dad, of course they said they don't do this, but i finally got a dr to support me and it wnet well. mom returned to local hosptial rehab center. was able to go to funeral.
my mom was there 2 weeks and now is at a nsg home as is non wt bearing for 3mos on leg and arm. first night at nsg home, no pain meds available as didn't come from the pharmacy. mom has lost probaly 10 lbs since the accident. very weak and not happy that she is at a nsg home. i can't quit my job to care for her- my back would be out in short order. my washing machine is broke, my daughter is getiing married in the spring . i need someone like me to step in and fix it all and i just don't know what to do. talked to a counsleor from our employee assist program and all he said was you sure have alot going on.
as a hospice nurse i give support to families with these kinds of problems- am managing, but find it hard to be very supportive when my situation seems worse. on call 7 days this month and just seem to never have time to catch up. sorry this is so long, am up and can't sleep.

I will say a prayer for you