oh shyt

[thisnurse]

i had the MOST disgusting patient last night.

he has an unusual bowel regimine.....

stay home with no bowel movement for weeks, get admitted to the hospital then get digitally disimpacted by surgery.

repeat cycle

for 12 hours i watched him make himself throw up, on the floor of course

"why did you throw up on the floor?"

"i couldnt make it to the bathroom"

(100 cc's clear liquid...looked like an emergency to me)

threw up in his bed, in the pan, on the floor...DESPITE zofran

(it didnt work, can i have milk of magnesia?)

i had to give him morphine before the lucky surgeons disimpacted him. i pushed the morphine and he says "dont you have saline to go with that?"

(something about a scuzz bag telling me how to do my job rubs me the wrong way)

once he got bored with puking it was time to start on the poop.

he decided to try disimpacting himself on his bed. (why didnt he do that at home?)

he had poop on the bed, poop on the floor.

after a few rounds of that..i LOVED my assistant...he wanted her to wash him...she brought him in water and cloths and made him do himself...that ended the bedside disimpaction gala.

for extra excitement he alternated between making himself vomit and poop on the floor...of course he had to call me and let me know what he was doing. one of the nurses i was working with informed me that he was walking around his room with his gown open, azz sticking out with a nice big piece of poop hanging out while making himself vomit.

(i wanted to ask him to marry me but then i remembered i am engaged)

FINALLY i had to go in his room and i was slightly annoyed with this behavior...

i SCREAMED....

IT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO MOVE YOUR BOWELS IN YOUR BED. YOU GET YOURSELF UP RIGHT NOW AND GET IN THAT BATHROOM AND MOVE YOUR BOWELS.

he says proudly

"i have a surprise for you. go look in the bathroom"

i was terrified but i had to look.

he pooped...in the toilet...on the toilet...on the seat....on the floor.

it stunk SOOOOOOO bad.

"is there something wrong with you where you cant flush the toilet?"

"i wanted you to see it"

you know...i cant think of a more appropriate way for my shift to end.

[fedupnurse]

Maybe the doc (who definetly needs a psych consult) needs to be called all night long with each and every antic this nut does! Saint? You've got my vote. I would have found a cork and a blakemore tube and had my way with the creep. Then I would have done the same to his doctor!

Enjoy your days off!!

[Hardknox]

Holy CRAP!!! That is the worst poop story I've ever heard. Thank God for your sense of humor!

[petiteflower]

OMG!!! I agree with all on this one. You poor thing. Enjoy your days off!

[PhantomRN]

thisnurse............I just absolutely love you........Whenever I see that you have started a thread I know I am guarenteed a big laugh. Next time I will stop eating the dove bar before reading.

Ageless...read more of thisnurses stuff if you want to Laugh out loud.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Holy cow,

I don't even want to know what his parents did to him during toilet training. Freud would have a field day with that one.

[Rustyhammer]

I've heard (and had) some good code brown stories and this one is right up there.

Glad you have some days off. Drink one for us.

-Russell

[thisnurse]

lol...thanks you guys :)

i am ...thanks to your encouragement....working on a book.

[night owl]

And I thought I had seen it all working at the VA! How about the movie??? It would make Mel Brooks look like an amateur!

Seriously, I too would have given him the pale and mop and made him scrub...definately a true psycho in my book.

[sharann, BSN, RN]

Did you tell your fiancee that he has some stiff competition? I hope this shatters any myths he may have about you giving romantic bed baths to exotic studs at work.

He sounds like a real piece of ....oops, I gues that is obvious!

[LasVegasRN]

This guy gives a whole new meaning to the word ASSHOLE.

[Fgr8Out]

"for extra excitement he alternated between making himself vomit and poop on the floor...of course he had to call me and let me know what he was doing. one of the nurses i was working with informed me that he was walking around his room with his gown open, azz sticking out with a nice big piece of poop hanging out while making himself vomit.

(i wanted to ask him to marry me but then i remembered i am engaged) "

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

thisnurse....omg... i'm alternating between disgust and LMAO at your last comment in that paragraph!!!

I don't know that you could have avoided a confrontation with that patient. I probably would have called the nursing supervisor and had HER talk with him too...(not that it would do any good)... and document like mad on his completely inappropriate behavior!

Drinks are on me if you're ever in Reno :)

[hoolahan, ASN, RN]

LV, ROTFLMAO!!!

Thisnurse, as usual, you have succeeded in cracking me UP!

{{{{{{thisnurse}}}}}} you need a hug friend, b/c I think I would have killed him! There is NO REASON why you can't tell someone they are acting inappropriately. He most definitely is a head case, and so is the doc. Indeed if he can disimpact himself in the hospital, he can do so at home. If I were you guys, I would get a MSW consult stat, and make the physician give him written instructions on bowel regimen, drinking enough fluids, foods to eat to prevent Constip, and a Rx for Colace, lactulose, MOM, whatever, and inform the pt that if he is non-compliant w this regimen, he can find himself another doctor, and another hospital, b/c there is NO reason this should keep happening unless he needs a psych consult. I wouldn't even want to be this guys doctor let alone his nurse for the shift.

No doubt they refer this idiot to homecare at d/c.