I nearly had a meltdown last night. You don't have to read this, I'm just venting, but by talking about it now I can let go and move on. I'm off for two days. I'm moving to my new unit on Sunday and hopefully will be alright.
I come on at 6:45 and I'm in charge. We have no secretary, which is the normal. Phone is ringing off the hook, family members all lined up at the desk with questions, get through report. Call staffing "where is the agency nurse we were getting." Answer "we cancelled him in favor of another nurse and left a message on her maching" Me: "You cancelled a confirmed nurse and don't have confirmation on her replacement". "She'll be there, I'm sure". Day shift nurse wants to leave graciously stays but vents her anger at me. Call supervisor "Please, if I'm f*cked let me know right now, I'll take the patients and there will be no charge nurse for a while".
They send me an ICU that was in the ER to take care of ICU patients in my intermediate unit and I pull one of "my" nurses out. She literally cusses me out one side and down another. Seriously pissed, and I understand. Sorry. ICU nurse isn't happy either. Sorry.
Phone still ringing off the hook. Radiology transportor screams "I've been waiting for help with this patient and none of you want to help me". "I NEVER HEARD YOU ASK FOR HELP AND WE AREN'T SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING!!!!!!!". Charge nurse helps tranporter.
Recovery room calls wanting bed they've been waiting on. I explain when the patient in their is discharged, as you already know. 15 minutes later recovery room "we're still waiting", me "yes patient is not through with her IV med, AS I SAID I WILL CALL YOU". 15 minutes later recovery room on the phone again "we've been waiting....blah blah blah" I literally scream in to the phone "STOP HARRASSING ME!!!!" and hang up on her. She calls back "Did you just hang up on me". Me "Yes, CLICK SLAM".
I'll spare you the rest, but it went on like this for a few more hours.
I took a deep breath. Walked to recovery room and apoligized in person for my behavior and that I was very sorry and wrong and she shouldn't have gotten the brunt of my anger. She said she talked to her coworkers who know me well, and got the felling it was not the real me and was willing to let it go. But at that point I wanted to beg her to write me up so I could get fired.
I've done this job for 10 years, I can do it. But I've never hung up on anyone in that kind of anger and frustration before. I'm famous for my serenity and it takes A LOT to get me frazzled.
Am I loosing it? Burning Out? Need a vacation? Need to get out of nursing? Shut up and quit my whining, you get paid to do this job? Sigh.
Thanks so much for those who made it this far.