I nearly had a meltdown last night. You don't have to read this, I'm just venting, but by talking about it now I can let go and move on. I'm off for two days. I'm moving to my new unit on Sunday and hopefully will be alright.
I come on at 6:45 and I'm in charge. We have no secretary, which is the normal. Phone is ringing off the hook, family members all lined up at the desk with questions, get through report. Call staffing "where is the agency nurse we were getting." Answer "we cancelled him in favor of another nurse and left a message on her maching" Me: "You cancelled a confirmed nurse and don't have confirmation on her replacement". "She'll be there, I'm sure". Day shift nurse wants to leave graciously stays but vents her anger at me. Call supervisor "Please, if I'm f*cked let me know right now, I'll take the patients and there will be no charge nurse for a while".
They send me an ICU that was in the ER to take care of ICU patients in my intermediate unit and I pull one of "my" nurses out. She literally cusses me out one side and down another. Seriously pissed, and I understand. Sorry. ICU nurse isn't happy either. Sorry.
Phone still ringing off the hook. Radiology transportor screams "I've been waiting for help with this patient and none of you want to help me". "I NEVER HEARD YOU ASK FOR HELP AND WE AREN'T SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING!!!!!!!". Charge nurse helps tranporter.
Recovery room calls wanting bed they've been waiting on. I explain when the patient in their is discharged, as you already know. 15 minutes later recovery room "we're still waiting", me "yes patient is not through with her IV med, AS I SAID I WILL CALL YOU". 15 minutes later recovery room on the phone again "we've been waiting....blah blah blah" I literally scream in to the phone "STOP HARRASSING ME!!!!" and hang up on her. She calls back "Did you just hang up on me". Me "Yes, CLICK SLAM".
I'll spare you the rest, but it went on like this for a few more hours.
I took a deep breath. Walked to recovery room and apoligized in person for my behavior and that I was very sorry and wrong and she shouldn't have gotten the brunt of my anger. She said she talked to her coworkers who know me well, and got the felling it was not the real me and was willing to let it go. But at that point I wanted to beg her to write me up so I could get fired.
I've done this job for 10 years, I can do it. But I've never hung up on anyone in that kind of anger and frustration before. I'm famous for my serenity and it takes A LOT to get me frazzled.
Am I loosing it? Burning Out? Need a vacation? Need to get out of nursing? Shut up and quit my whining, you get paid to do this job? Sigh.
Even though I do not work in acute care, I am so relating to what you people are talking about. I'm feeling burnt out lately too. I'm getting very impatient with my co-workers and I just can't stomach the stupid short-sighted decisions that admin has been making recently.
I hope I'm not burning bridges, but during a meeting this week with my peer representitives, I called the VP of nursing out on recent staffing decisions made. I was congratulated by my peers for being brave and for sounding diplomatic, but I am worried that I am crossing a line here. Not a good idea to get into the bad books of the VP (in a perfect world, it would be okay to assert ones self, but I work with people who hold grudges).
A policy was made before Christmas to recoup budget overages by no longer approving OT or agency staff during day shifts and forcing the unit staff to "make do with reduced staff". This decision has had a direct bearing on my unit and there are a lot of very unhappy people. I told the VP that I could not see how they could justify purposely forcing a unit to work short. I admonished her for allowing such a short-sighted policy to be approved. She, of course, passed the blame on to middle management, but I think I got my point across. She tried to justify the decision by saying she has not seen any impact on morale. This just frustrates me further because I definately have been vocal to my manager on how I think the decision is effecting morale -- but of course as usual, this is dismissed as whining. So frustrating!
Better stop before I hurt myself . Thanks for listening.
Kudos to you being vocal. We just to have a VP, may she rest in peace (she recently died), that was like that. "They are just going to have to suck it up, we need to make budget". But when we actually had the guts to tell her what it was really like, she was flabergasted and appreciated the truth. Too many people are afraid of the position and keep their mouth shut. Your VP won't have a clue unless you clue her/him in.
Im just back at work this week after being signed off by my doc for 6 weeks due to stress so I know where your coming from.
Hopefully going to your new unit will be enough of a change for you to get your head together again, if not you really need to take some time,be it sick time, holiday(vacation) time and get away from it all. I was totally ready to just pack it all in and go work behind a bar somewhere before my time off, but now Im back after putting things in perspective a much calmer and saner person.
Hope your doing ok, enjoy any time off that you get.
Lisa
What a brave an courageous person you are. Glad you've got things in perspective and I hope it works well for you.
What a horrible experience! I hope your new floor is better. What floor are you going to?
Enjoy your two days off my friend.
Hugs,
renerian
You and passingthru were asking what unit I'm moving too. I'm gong from neuro/neuro step down to Telemetry. Our hospital had a few tele beds scattered throughout med-surg, and a PCU, but not a medical-Telemetry floor. That's where I'm going. There's no way I can get out of doing charge. But I'm hoping a change of scenery will work out.
The best thing is that there will be a telemetry tech to answer the blasted phone.
Still going to be all of the same drama I'm afraid. So I'm going to give it a chance. If I'm still unhappy and not liking myself. I'm going to consider something else. Half the battle for me is working with a positive team and people I enjoy being with. When you're on a sinking ship and people are throwing you off, rather than offering a life preserver it gets tough.
Thanks for your support everyone. It helps to talk it out. Keeps things in perspective.
heh the exact same scenario is going on at my workplace right now and I am also quite vocal about it, we have notices up all over telling us not to replace sick calls and that under no circumstances are we to call an agency...
this is "an initiative to get back on track"
uhhhhhh no it isnt, its an initiative to run away your nurses who are so tired from working shortstaffed all the time that they feel as though patient safety is most definitely compromised...
so yeah, I am also being appluaded by my fellow nurses for being vocal and standing up for what is right for the patients and the nurses, however I have recieved the title of "troublemaker" from my unit administrator
which is the determining factor in my decision to start looking elsewhere for employment...
management and u/a's can make it very difficult on those of us who speak up ,and for the first time ever I feel caught up in all the politics and drama, and its weighing heavily on my brain and my heart...
3rd...take some time off asap!......and make sure when you do it is OFF...none of this oh ive got to do this and that and fix this or that cuz im off.....just focus on healing your self....and know your family here cares for you
3rdShiftGuy, THAT was not only an awful shift; that would be totally unacceptable in my book! The idea that there was no unit secretary or anyone else to answer that blasted phone; PLUS the other garbage of riled nurses AND working charge!
I'd write it up and send it up through HR and management; I would also DEMAND a secretary or CNA strictly for phone calls and visitors. This is NO WAY to have a neuro/neuro stepdown unit function: encourage the patients who were involved to write up their interpretation of it!
You were stressed beyond belief; thank goodness you are OUT of there tonight! The fact that your co-workers have been undermining you and disrespectful of you recently also played into your short fuse.
You are as human as the rest of us; you are just as breakable as each of us is. I'd love to work with you because what I know of you through this BB is that you are a caring contientious person who chose to be a nurse for some of the same reasons I did.
It takes a special courage to go over to PACU and apologize to the person you blew up at. It doesn't matter that you blew up; what matters is what a big heart you have.
Twelve hour shifts are killers after a while, and 3/week IS full time. Do NOT work more than that. Your mental and emotional health is at risk right now and maybe full time is too much. I am starting to believe that the stuff we are going through as nurses right now is extremely toxic to our own survival. I wonder what would happen if we would band together and say that we just can't do it anymore.
In 1900-1910, the average lifetime of a nurse AFTER they became nurses was about 10 years. They DIED after dedicating their short lives to their profession. I wonder if we are much better 100 years later-- maybe we don't DIE from being nurses, but I suspect we have shorter lifespans and we certainly BURN OUT fast enough these days.
Get a professional massage, have a cup of cocoa with tons of marshmellows, and plan a vacation for when you are able to take one! With all you have been through lately, you have soooo much stress! Take time for you! I know that is easier said than done, but even taking 15 minutes and reading or listening to soft music may help! I hope things get better for you!
Tweety, BSN, RN
36,332 Posts
Kudos to you being vocal. We just to have a VP, may she rest in peace (she recently died), that was like that. "They are just going to have to suck it up, we need to make budget". But when we actually had the guts to tell her what it was really like, she was flabergasted and appreciated the truth. Too many people are afraid of the position and keep their mouth shut. Your VP won't have a clue unless you clue her/him in.