My inability to brown nose is holding me back in my nursing career

[FireStarterRN]

Basically, I'm my own worst enemy. I'm too proud to brown nose, and brown nosing is vital in my work place to get ahead. I'm frustrated with myself. I'm able to be a phoney with the patients and their family, but I can't do it with HR and the CNO. I know I'm not going to get the diabetic educator job because I haven't brown nosed enough, and I'm up against some real comformists. It's frustrating, but I just don't seem to be able to brown nose to save my own life.

I see others do it, they really know how to play the game. It's not that I'm rude to higher ups, but I refuse to be a yes man. I'm too honest. Ugh, I wish I could bring myself to do it, but it seems to go against my nature.

[RN1989]

As you can see you are not alone. For many years I was unhappy because my lack of butt kissing held me back from what I thought I wanted. I finally achieved what I had wanted (without a brown nose) only to discover that it really was not what I wanted. I can play the game when I have to. But too often the game violates my standards too far and I am just not willing to compromise on certain issues.

I have a friend who can manipulate people into doing things and they never even realize they are being manipulated. I can't do that. I don't have the skill. And I am not willing to make some of the compromises or do/say some of the things that she does. I have found through the years that I cannot live with myself if I cave in on certain things - even though it has made it difficult for me to have the career that I thought I wanted. But in the end, I am happy for the choices I made. You will have to decide for yourself what is worth compromise and butt kissing and what is not. I find that staying true to myself is more important than what job I have. Welcome to 21st century healthcare. It is only going to get more interesting from here.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

Like a very wise man once sang

"I did it my way"

[leslie :-D]

Like a very wise man once sang

"I did it my way"

for yrs, i've promised myself i want to be able to belt out that song, right before i kick the bucket.:chuckle

leslie

[CHATSDALE]

sometimes you can get what you want without compromising principles

if this job, dm educator, is what you want think about how would be the best way to get it

perhaps you could make a formal application in a written letter, i find that i think first much more when i am writing than when i am talking

outline your experience, your training, verbal skills, specialized knowledge

one thing once you have the job you will probably have much less contact with the ptb you can go ahead and do yur job w/o feedbacl

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I used to take a fierce pride in being a nonconformist, until I realized that it was getting in the way of things I wanted from my career. But compromising on principles doesn't cut it either, as I later learned to my sorrow (and a nasty case of insomnia on top of it). Nowadays, I find myself walking a tightrope most of the time at work; sometimes I have to give up something to gain something else, scratch some other department's back in order to get what I want for my own, and so on. While there are certain principles I would NEVER compromise, others are a little more fluid---you can fudge those a bit. And I often find that my management position is more like politics than nursing: there's the deal-making, the wrangling, the B.S., the negotiations, the diplomacy, and then sometimes it's all-out war!

But as unhappy as all this makes me at times, I have to say there is an art to it that I'm finally beginning to learn, and even appreciate as I become just a little more adept at it. I can't say I've never compromised on something I felt was important, but I can at least live with myself, and I don't kiss ANYONE'S butt. I have one staff member whose nose needs to be surgically removed from my back cheeks, and I hate it---she has zero credibility with me, and even less respect because she talks a great game, but doesn't play it. Everybody in the facility, including the residents, can see this a mile away........but this employee is totally clueless. (I keep her on only because I feel sort of sorry for her, and because she hasn't screwed up quite badly enough to be fired............yet.)

So, in essence, there are ways to move up the career ladder without selling out, but it's not for the faint of heart, and it's VERY easy to overbalance and fall off! One must proceed with caution and grow a fondness for complex interpersonal skills and, above all, learn how to be tactful when you'd gleefully strangle the next person who whines that you're blowing the budget with your staff training program................grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Thanks for all the great imput. I worked today and I'm still toying with my options. I'm feeling more positive. Thanks everyone!

[caliotter3]

mjlrn97

Your posts have great insight. I am thankful that I will never rise to the ranks of middle or high management so that I have to acquire the finesse that you are acquiring on the job. Thanks so much for your thought provoking and informative input.