I ignored my instincts...

Nurses General Nursing

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In work related situations I can be like iron and hold my ground very well, but in social situations I have a deep and serious phobia that I might put my foot in my mouth, for example company picnics or hanging out at kids' birthday parties with the other parents. :down:

I avoid social gatherings like the plague. It's bad enough I occasionally put my foot in my mouth online where there is a vague amount of anonymity, but face to face? :bag: I'd rather have a megacode in the middle of drilling a skull to put an IVC on a pregnant woman!

At work another nurse was organizing a kickball team for a 6 week recreational league. I was asked to play and then when I said I'd rather not, they promised that I wouldn't have to be sporty and they just needed bodies to cover in case of people's shift schedules. I agreed and had to work through the first day (whew!) but went to the second week. Needless to say I was awful, but I cheered for the good plays the other teammates performed.

The next day I was told by the person who invited me that my name was never on the roster and that I shouldn't have even showed up. She said their roster was full and that she'd put me on the sub list in case they needed me.

I was hurt. I was very very embarrassed. I told my work friend what happened and of course, they told everyone else. This morning when I was reporting off, the original organizer/nurse came up to me and yelled at me in front of everyone. I told her that I felt bad about being invited and then being told I shouldn't have come. I couldn't stay and talk further because I had to get home in time to let my husband go to work.

It's bothering me enough to post about it, and I feel like I did something wrong and now everyone at work will think I'm a bad person for showing up to something I "wasn't invited to". :no:

I. am. at. a. complete. loss.

Some people have no filter. Some people seem to "know" who has social anxieties and like to expose that. Which is juvenile and petty.

Some people have nothing else in their lives, so need to be the "Queen Bee", which sounds downright RIDICULOUS when speaking about grown adults.

In all and complete seriousness, if you are engaged in pursuits outside of work that make you happy and center you, even if they are solo pursuits, then good on you. If you are finding that your social anxiety is stressing you, then you may want to see someone about it. WITH THAT BEING SAID, you do not, under any circumstance have to feel obligated to socialize with your co workers outside of the workplace. The general answer could always be "thanks for the invite, but I like to keep my work and personal life seperate". No other explination needed.

The example you gave goes way beyond what would be considered a social norm, so please don't let it bother you. Embarrasing, wrong, and immature on a number of levels.

All you can do is flash a million dollar smile, say "kickball, SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!" "I'll wait for the movie, thanks......" :sarcastic:

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Tell me....she's the perky frustrated ex cheerleader or popular girl and has self appointed herself social director/club administrator who "approves" who does and does not join her little club.....GIVE ME A BREAK????

She is just an insecure little girl trying to make herself feel better by putting other people down and controlling their every move. Most real adults can see right through this and ignore her behavior for it is far too much energy to do other wise. My Big Guppy in the mud puddle theory....they are the only one convinced that they can swim....Jeeze! :sarcastic:

You did nothing wrong and how in heavens name can she keep people from attending to cheer on the team at a public venue????

Wow.....

I have to say for the most part I agree with you NOM....After I left the job I ahd for almost 20 years and moved I found out, by trial and failing(being back stabbed to be exact), that is it best to keep personal and private life separate from your work associates.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Tell me....she's the perky frustrated ex cheerleader or popular girl and has self appointed herself social director/club administrator who "approves" who does and does not join her little club.....GIVE ME A BREAK????

She is just an insecure little girl trying to make herself feel better by putting other people down and controlling their every move. Most real adults can see right through this and ignore her behavior for it is far too much energy to do other wise. My Big Guppy in the mud puddle theory....they are the only one convinced that they can swim....Jeeze! :sarcastic:

You did nothing wrong and how in heavens name can she keep people from attending to cheer on the team at a public venue????

Wow.....

I have to say for the most part I agree with you NOAM....After I left the job I ahd for almost 20 years and moved I found out, by trial and failing(being back stabbed to be exact), that is it best to keep personal and private life separate from your work associates.

Specializes in Peds, School Nurse, clinical instructor.

I am sorry this happened to you.My best advice, next time, just smile and walk away. It leaves them wondering what you are thinking.

Ditch the work "friend" she is most definitely not your friend!

That particular coworker is a 3-letter-word that can also mean donkey.

Specializes in ICU / PCU / Telemetry / Oncology.

What a shame that you have to work with a bunch of drama queens! This is why I never socialize with co-workers outside of work. I see enough of them in a 12-hour day :p ... at some point you will laugh about this story over margaritas with your REAL friends :D

Specializes in geriatrics.

For this reason, my work and my personal life are separate. Never trust coworkers....with the exeption of a select few. Your coworkers sound very immature, and you are not at fault.

Specializes in Neuro, Trauma, and Psych.

This post just makes me realize how much I hated the cliques on the unit I used to work with. Why is there so much drama and pettiness in nursing? My husband hangs out with his colleagues all the time outside of work and no one has a bad attitude like the person described in the original post. I used to be so stressed when I was assigned to a nurse with a queen b complex! It's a shame because if this is my career, then I want to be able to enjoy and have fun with my colleagues. I want to work with caring and supportive men and women.

Nurseonamotorcycle, I'm with you on this! Social situations...eek! I would have wondered why in the world they had me play if I wasn't on the roster? I would have had no problem just being a spectator and cheering on the team. I believe I would have asked about that! Anyway, it's done. Stick with your instincts

Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

OP, I am just like you. I have no problem being assertive and confident at work, but I avoid social situations.

I think part of the reason we are like this is because at work, we have:

1. Clearly established lines of responsibility

2. Expectations of ourselves and one another

3. A specific protocol to follow

4. "task oriented" minds, and once a task is completed, we get a feeling of completion/satisfaction

5. An identity. Nurse. There is a certain comfort in falling into our identities in the work place.

There aren't any established guidelines in social situations. We lose our identity as a co-worker/nurse and then become...just ourselves.

I am always at a loss as to how to make small talk...do I talk about work? Do I talk about something else? Am I going to offend someone with a funny story? Do I ask questions about my co-workers' personal lives in order to kick start a conversation, or would that be crossing an invisible line? What if I finish my story and everyone just stares at me, waiting for me to say more instead of adding their own stories? Am I going to hear my story (totally butchered) repeated at work the next day? (insert scene of gathered co-workers whispering and pointing)

I. Hate. Social. Gatherings.

I would rather have a molten lava enema.

My hubby is the consummate "politician". He can kick start a conversation with anyone. I have always admired/been envious of this trait. Surprisingly though, he hates social gatherings as much as I do. It takes a lot of energy to be careful of what you are saying, knowing that every word out of your mouth is being dissected. And that's stressful.

I have learned throughout my career as a nurse to give my regards when invited to social gatherings.

Now you know to trust your instincts!

Don't give it a second thought, OP. These children are well below your standards. Keep your chin up, sweetheart!

If you weren't invited then how in the heck did you know all the details to attend? I would have told her to go blankety blank. What a loser. Another reason why I hardly ever socialize with people outside of work.

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