How to deal with those family members who are "nurses"?

We just had a big discussion thread on this same topic. It's really not a matter of the family member's background - it's usually a matter of loss of control. If there are actual visiting hours, you can ask security to enforce them when they get difficult.
I always tell the staff that I am a nurse; my family member has probably already told them. My nursing knowledge has literally saved the lives of two of my family. When my then-fiance' was getting Levaquin and kept getting red all over, I begged them to stop giving it to him. They wouldn't listen, and the next time he got it, his BP dropped - and I turned off the drip and demanded a doctor. They stopped the med.
When my dad was desatting, and SOB, I noticed that he had only 10cc - TENcc's of urine output in 20 hours. I loudly demanded a doc immediately - and a few hrs later he was back on a respirator and the balloon pump.
He hadn't been able to cough up a huge mucus plug, and went into near-total organ failure.
There are other stories I could tell you - too many, unfortunately - and it makes me so sad that I feel I have to be so watchful for my loved ones.
When I was just recently in the ER for my own issues, I overheard a nurse giving blatantly wrong information to a patient in order to get her to agree to a test. I piped up with a question. I saw a nurse recap a needle in the air - no one-handed scoop kind of thing. I should have called for a supe, but I was too tired to intervene.
I hope I have been a better nurse than the examples I have given here. The ER things were in the past 3 months, by the way.

No, it is NOT anal - - it's against everything we have been taught about infection control. DO NOT RECAP NEEDLES. That's when we get stuck. I come from the days when I saw nurses uncap needles with their teeth, and accidently stick themselves in the lip. Clean needle, maybe, but now they may have injected someting in themselves. So I learned that this is not a good thing.
I come from the days when we rarely wore gloves - but we wear them now to excess.
I repeat WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO RECAP DIRTY NEEDLES.
Getting Hepatitis or AIDS or anything else, including the med still in the needle is not the way to go.

We just had a big discussion thread on this same topic. It's really not a matter of the family member's background - it's usually a matter of loss of control. If there are actual visiting hours, you can ask security to enforce them when they get difficult.
I always tell the staff that I am a nurse; my family member has probably already told them. My nursing knowledge has literally saved the lives of two of my family. When my then-fiance' was getting Levaquin and kept getting red all over, I begged them to stop giving it to him. They wouldn't listen, and the next time he got it, his BP dropped - and I turned off the drip and demanded a doctor. They stopped the med.
When my dad was desatting, and SOB, I noticed that he had only 10cc - TENcc's of urine output in 20 hours. I loudly demanded a doc immediately - and a few hrs later he was back on a respirator and the balloon pump.
He hadn't been able to cough up a huge mucus plug, and went into near-total organ failure.
There are other stories I could tell you - too many, unfortunately - and it makes me so sad that I feel I have to be so watchful for my loved ones.
When I was just recently in the ER for my own issues, I overheard a nurse giving blatantly wrong information to a patient in order to get her to agree to a test. I piped up with a question. I saw a nurse recap a needle in the air - no one-handed scoop kind of thing. I should have called for a supe, but I was too tired to intervene.
I hope I have been a better nurse than the examples I have given here. The ER things were in the past 3 months, by the way.

Thank you so much for your reply! I didnt want to "rock the boat" by asking her where she worked, what school she went to, etc.

I understand her father was sick, but I wondered why she wasnt just in the "family member" role, considering if she was a nurse herself, she can see both sides of it. I understand all too well what's it's like to see a family member in the ICU, although you've see plenty of pts, it's nothing like seeing your own flesh and blood. So, I certainly understand her frustation. I think you'd have been justified in saying, "How about you? Where did you go to school, what's your degree, your experience?" In a gabby, non-threatening sort of way, of course. Just conversation.

But I just couldnt understand the "criticizing" of my care, although I'm a new nurse. I tried not to let it get to me, but it did upset me. If she is a nurse, she understands how it feels to be new, at one point in time. It doesn't matter, she's now the dtr of a patient. She's not in nurse mode. She was awfully rude to behave the way you described, dtr, nurse, whatever or not.

As far as suctioning goes, this pt was getting oral care q 4 hours. I guess I had an issue with her dumping the canister in the sink (we take the entire canister to the dirty utility room and replace it with a new one), then cleaning it out and writing a date on it. She was NOT at her job, she was a family member of a pt, so I think that kinda crossed the line, in my opinion.