Has Nursing hardened you?

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 24, 2012

Has nursing hardened me? Nope, I don't believe so. If anything, like some of the other posters said, I think in a lot of ways I'm actually softer inside now. I can see the forest for the trees, I'm more inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt, I understand that it's not just the big sudden crises that need my attention - the chronic but seemingly more minor (and less glamorous) issues are just as important, perhaps even more important.
Experienced nurses know how to prioritise and know what can wait until later, and maybe sometimes this looks like 'not caring'. It's not.
I used to be glad that everyone made it through the shift alive but over the years I've learned I have to aim a lot higher than that if my patients' needs are to be properly addressed. That might sound like a bit of a contradiction to the previous statement but it's not.
I'm better at spotting BS in all its forms and I don't sweat the small stuff quite so much and maybe that can look like hardness. It's not.
I have far less need to be right and far more willingness to meet patients where they are and do what works. I have much more understanding of what's possible and what's likely and what's just never going to be achieved. I'm far more understanding of life's difficulties in general now that life has had time to throw a few nasty issues at me but at the same time I know where to draw the lines better than I did when I was younger.
Now I really do understand that there is more than one way to skin a cat - I always said that but it wasn't until I had seen over and over again that other ways of skinning cats can work too that I really started to believe it inside.
I think some of what the OP is going through is fairly normal, I think there comes a time fairly early on for everyone when the realities of what it means to be a nurse hit. It can be quite overwhelming because all you can see are the negative things, you don't have the experience or knowledge yet to truly know the good things and it's difficult to see how it all balances out. This is the point that some people decide nursing isn't for them I think, and that's fine, but I would say this is actually the time that you (the general you) need to keep going otherwise the decision is made without having all the facts. This isn't something unique to nursing but perhaps it happens with more of a sense of personal crisis in nursing than it does in say engineering.
Statements like '1 out 7 nurses end up with a substance problem' are ridiculous though, would like to know where that came from.

I have cited a link, but in class, we talked about the impaired nurse and that statistic came up.

I'm surprised people in this profession aren't aware of substance abuse in medical professionals.

Great post and thanks for your contribution!

mathilda843 · Apr 24, 2012

Grn Tea,

Perfectly said!

And - I'd like to officially join the "Crusty Old Bat Society"!!!

Thank goodness for the crusty old bats...

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 24, 2012

Grn Tea,
Perfectly said!
And - I'd like to officially join the "Crusty Old Bat Society"!!!
Thank goodness for the crusty old bats...

:uhoh3:

GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

i wouldn't say that nursing has hardened me in any way, on the contrary i have learned over the years to be more compassionate for those in need. however, i find myself in conflict regarding the issues that have become prevalent with the nursing administration department. pursuing this further, the red tape gets under my skin at times, i never been the type of nurse that can look at a pt. straight in the eye and tell them because of their lack of insurance, we can't provide them with the appropriate pt. care; knowing that we are compromising their health. having said that, you will never hear me say "let me get your nurse" when i'm passing by a pt. that needs a nurse at that given moment. needless to say, just because i'm in-charge i don't feel the need to address my staff and say "do it because i say so". therefore, as a seasoned nurse i don't consider that nursing has hardened me, although, one has to have a strong stamina at times, to deal with the difficult issues that we nurses are confronted on a daily basis. at this level, i can honestly admit, that i still get watery eyes when i see a mother embracing their dead child after countless chemo therapy's.

in conclusion, i can only speak for myself and for my own experiences, no one can truly know what is going on in the lives of others, that's why its best not to judge so carelessly.

Wave Watcher · Apr 24, 2012

has nursing hardened you? yes.

i just felt like keeping it simple. i also don't like people, animals, flowers, rainbows, smiles, laughing babies, little old ladies that smell like peppermint. although....i do like kittens.

never mind. i don't like kittens.....or wombats. i really dislike wombats.

MattNurse, MSN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

Maybe the way some people are responding to your question is the answer to your question . Scroll through these threads a bit and you will see a wide variety of personalities. I am not hardened by nursing, I love my job. I am not at all surprised by the statistic 1 out of 7 will develop some sort of drug abuse or alcoholism either, especially in nursing with on the job injuries and potential to abuse narcotics after receiving treatment.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

Simple question: Has nursing hardened you?
I'm currently a student, and I have noticed that some of the older clinical instructors are very cold, harsh and indecent towards some of the nursing students, myself included. I know some PCAs. One certain PCA, a 31 year old nursing student w/military experience, referred to some of the nurses on her unit as " cold *******" and said she was afraid after many years of working in the field (after graduating and passing the NCLEX, of course), she will end up just like them. Many of the other nursing students have voiced similar experiences, saying that many of the nurses on their unit were just rude or plain cold.
This is NOT to attack nurses, but after I had a dentist appointment, I noticed a stark contrast between the happier, less stressed out RDHs from the overly stressed and very cold nurses that I have come across. This is NOT to say that all nurses are like this, I have met some really nice ones (and a couple of really lovely clinical instructors), but in general, the longer one has been in the field of nursing ,the colder and less compassionate one becomes...from my observation. Statistically, 1 out of every 7 nurses will end up with a drug/substance problem (according to my lecture notes)...could it be d/t the stress of nursing?
So, I was wondering, to all the nurses out there who have been in the field for a long time, how has nursing changed you as an individual? Have you found yourself becoming colder and more detached or more warm and compassionate? Has nursing made you depressed? And finally (and most importantly) do you regret nursing?
I have found that I have lost apart of my confidence and self-esteem, and nursing seems to have an ugly side to it that really is disappointing. Quoting someone I love, "Upon visiting your nursing school, I have never met a more hostile, unwelcoming, cold environment and I can only imagine what you go through when I'm not around." And this person is fifty.
Again, this is NOT an attack, but just an observation and things I've experienced first hand and have been told, and I'm wondering about this!

I don't think nursing has hardened me. Am I the same 18 year old I was when I entered this profession as an ASN? No. The grind of dealing with humanity in all it's uglines and glory has made me less naive but hardened me? NO. Do I think 1 out of seven nurses have a drug or alcohol problem the answer is NO.

Nurses will not molly coddle you. They are not warm and fuzzy all of the time. It's a serious job with human life in the palm of your hand, someone's child, mother, father, brother Aunt or Uncle, that you need to perform perfectly so you don't kill anyone.

They are only trying to prepare you for the harsh reality of our profession that will greet you. Nursing is not rainbows and leprechauns, puppy dog tails and kittens with whiskers. It a dirty, ugly, gut wrenching, emotionally draining, physically challenging, frustrating, disappointing and at times depressive job. But it is equally rewarding, beautiful, fulfilling profession that I have had the honor of participating in for 33 years so far.

There is a huge difference in cleaning someones teeth and someones bottom covered in feces while they fling obcenities (or feses) at your head. See how dealing in dealing with abuse, neglect, tragedy and sorrow is not the dentists office cleaning teeth or soemone with bad breath. People die. Good people die, young people die, children die, infants die and get cancer. People leave to go to the store to get milk and never go home.

Nursing has taught me to appreciate every day. To be thankful for my life and my families life. It has taught me that there really is a GOD. It has taught me to be spiritual. It has taught me to never go to bed angry and to never say anything you don't mean or that you will regret. It has taught me to be sure I tell my family, husband and children that I love them at every chance I can because you don't know if there will be another.

As a 51 year old (gasp) I am sometimes frustrated by the attitude, and lack of commitment/responsibility/ownership of the younger nurses. They don't want the reality of nursing and want everything sugar coated that everything is rainbows and lollipops and are shocked and insulted when they are faced with the reality that life is messy and so is nursing. I think you need to reserve judgement of us "old bats" and our "presumed" tough exteriors for we are only trying to teach you how to survive and be the best nurse you can be. By the way....Put the PHONES DOWN!

I wish you luck and I would like to revisit this subject about 14 months after you graduate and are working full time. I'd like to know how you are perceived by the new students when you are stretched beyond your means and have the responsibility to teach someone that you aren't being paid to teach. To take the time from your day and gently mentor a gum snapping, eye rolling, texting student with patience and grace when you have the responsibility of all your usual patients and have the added responsibility of the student on your license....and see if you always respond with poise and grace.

Your point of view may be different. Peace:paw:

anotherone, BSN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

Yeah, I'll admit I'm jaded and a little hardened too- take a look around you at what we are surrounded by:
Your post had me lol and spot on. this is the reality of nursing. lol

CompleteUnknown · Apr 24, 2012

This could have been a great post had you not condescendingly referred to me as "dear" and not gone off on some tangent about "rainbows" and "violets."
Had I referred to anyone as "dear" I would have gotten in trouble , but since you are quite popular on this board, you can get away it.

It really would be a shame to disregard the wisdom in GrnTea's post because you didn't like the tone. :)

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 24, 2012

It really would be a shame to disregard the wisdom in GrnTea's post because you didn't like the tone. :)

I have found posts in this thread that were just as wise without the condescending tone.

Sun0408, ASN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

I am not as talented in word play or tact. Other members do a fantastic job at voicing their views and my hats is off to them. ESME12, you rock as I have told you before. Your post rang so true to my core. Thank you, you said beautifully what I could not. You wrote no truer words than in the above post..

Sun0408, ASN, RN · Apr 24, 2012

In my area "dear" is not condescending.. It is a term of endearment.