Finding friendships outside of work

Nurses General Nursing

Published

When I was in nursing school I was friends with group of people and it helped a lot with surviving nursing school. I never hung out with them outside of school or clinicals though. I have always been reserved and I'm a shy around new people, but once I get used to being around someone I slowly get more comfortable around them and talk more. It seems as if I have always had a somewhat of hard time making friends, even in high school because I have always acted more mature for my age and a lot of people grow tired of the one who is always serious. When I started working night shift it was the same way, but now I feel comfortable around my co-workers and we have a lot of fun at work. When I was in school I always thought to myself "I'll have plenty of time to make friends and have fun after I'm finished with school", but it's totally the opposite. I have tried to do activities with friends from nursing school, it only worked out one time and I have tried to reach out and make time again but my efforts are always pointless and I am growing tired of trying to reach out and just to be ignored. It seems even harder to hang out with co-workers because you have to find the same days your off and it's even harder being a night shifter.

I work with a guy that I went to high school with and he said a couple of months ago "when are we going to hang out outside of work?", so I said whenever you want to. I'm not sure if he likes me or not, but I do sort of like him. A few weeks ago I decided to ask him if he wanted to go to a movie, after the movie he came up to me gave me a friendly hug and I totally didn't expect that, but I didn't mind. He said "text me later", I texted him a few times and I haven't gotten a reply. This past week he mentioned he was going to go to the movies to see this new movie and the next night he said the same thing. I do not know if he was trying to hint at something or not. I was the one who last time asked if he wanted to hang out and all I know is I'm not going to stick my head out again ask him. I'm trying to be an adult about it and be straight forward. I don't know what to think about the whole situation and it has begun to frustrate me. I'm looking for friendship and if it leads to more than that, then I'm fine with it.

All I do is stay at home and do nothing. I'm not interested in going to clubs or bars. I just don't know what to with myself. I'm not depressed, but it seems like it sometimes because life is just passing me by. I always thought that once I had money to go do stuff with that life would be so much better. Well I'm making money and I have nothing to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Specializes in ICU.

Meetup.com. I haven't had much luck because I live in a small town where nothing interesting happens ever, but I am about to move to a bigger place so hopefully I will have better luck finding things to do with other people! Meetup.com looks really promising. I searched the new city I'm getting ready to move to and literally found hundreds of groups I could join, where there are less than 10 where I live now.

Seriously, nobody tells you that other adults have lives. It sounds stupid when I put it that way, but most college students don't have kids already, a lot aren't married, a lot of them have parents under 80 so they aren't caretakers for the elderly... but all of those bets are off once you step foot outside a college campus. It is MUCH more challenging to find things to do with people in the "real world."

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Meetup.com is a great place to network, meet new people and connect and meet new friends, especially in a major city.

At one time I was a part of a TON if

Meetups-Salsa Dancing, a few womens groups, yoga, etc. which helped me gain many new friends I enjoy hanging out with; I also became

assistant organizer of one and an organizer of one.

I hope all goes well in reaching out to fellow coworkers-they can be just as fun outside of work or even at work, sometimes they truly feel like a great life line! :)

TheCommuter, BSN, RN

102 Articles; 27,612 Posts

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

As we progress into adulthood, forming friendships with other adults becomes increasingly complex. When we were very young kids, we simply approached another child and asked, "Would you be my friend?" And most of the time, this worked.

However, adults who just walk up to another adult and blatantly ask to be that person's friend will seem a tad bit weird and socially inept, even though this behavior was perfectly acceptable in early and middle childhood.

To make new friends and form an interesting social circle as an adult, you must clearly express your interest in getting to know other adults. If you display an open interest in other peoples' lives, this implies to them that you'll accept any invitations they might offer without rejection. This implies you are open to friendship with these people.

On the other hand, people will avoid bonding with you if they sense you are not that interested in them as a person. Although they'll be your acquaintance, they'll never progress into becoming a good friend with whom you regularly socialize outside of work, school or wherever.

So, the unambiguous suggestion to "let's hang sometime" or "we should hang out one of these days" is imperative in showing a social interest in others and hinting your desire to befriend them. To prevent from becoming an adult loner, it is crucial for you to display openness to getting to know people and making friends in certain places.

Of course, the complexity lies in making friends as an adult without shouting out to the world, "Please be my friend!" Good luck!

Nola009

940 Posts

If I read your post correctly, you are somewhat romantically interested in a male coworker. Could I just advise, that unless he is THE ONE who will knock your socks off and put a ring on it, to not and I mean NOT date or have sex with a coworker. Sounds to me like he could be up for a friends with benefits situation, but if you are lookin for a boyfriend, please go beyond someone you work alongside. :cat: Take the other's suggestions, and work on smiling and making small talk with people you meet at restaurants and stores, etc -- you never know!!! :D

Katniss88

179 Posts

If I read your post correctly, you are somewhat romantically interested in a male coworker. Could I just advise, that unless he is THE ONE who will knock your socks off and put a ring on it, to not and I mean NOT date or have sex with a coworker. Sounds to me like he could be up for a friends with benefits situation, but if you are lookin for a boyfriend, please go beyond someone you work alongside. :cat: Take the other's suggestions, and work on smiling and making small talk with people you meet at restaurants and stores, etc -- you never know!!! :D
.

It already seems a little awkward at work when he is there. I like him a little. When we were at the movies I didn't really feel much of anything, no "butterflies"in the stomach, you know the usual thing when you really like someone. Maybe it's just working with someone for 12 hrs and the fact that we went to high school together makes it seem like there is something there when there isn't. Thanks for the advice and I'll be sure to steer clear from the situation.

Nola009

940 Posts

^ Good!!! I think it's best to steer clear and I'm glad you are looking for ideas on how to meet good people outside of work. Sounds like you're on the right track!:yes:

Ruby Vee, BSN

17 Articles; 14,030 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

I've been in the same boat as you, and I've always found it difficult to make friends. What I found helped was to take a class or joint a group doing something I'm interested in. For instance, I took a scuba diving course and then signed up for dive outings with the dive shop who ran the course. I found a regular dive partner, and soon we were doing dives on our own, without the group. This progressed to taking dive trips together and before long, I had a best friend. Joining a church, taking a less adventurous class, joining a photography club or book club can all lead to friendship.

Good luck!

RNperdiem, RN

4,592 Posts

I never make friends easily as well.

What worked for me in my young adult years was to find a couple of activities that met regularly about every week or so.

I joined a ballroom dance club. I got to learn some new dances and meet people there, especially since a lot of the guys there were single men who were looking to meet people too. Running clubs, church(especially if you join a group like choir), regular volunteer work are all good options.

Keep in touch with your old friends; don't let them slip away.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

4 Articles; 7,907 Posts

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.
If I read your post correctly, you are somewhat romantically interested in a male coworker. Could I just advise, that unless he is THE ONE who will knock your socks off and put a ring on it, to not and I mean NOT date or have sex with a coworker. Sounds to me like he could be up for a friends with benefits situation, but if you are lookin for a boyfriend, please go beyond someone you work alongside. :cat: Take the other's suggestions, and work on smiling and making small talk with people you meet at restaurants and stores, etc -- you never know!!! :D

I agree.

There is a old saying: don't **** where you eat. Working with your beau may sound like it'll be fantastic, and it probably is...when things are good between you two. If and when things start getting sour, your workplace will become a living hell. Workplace romances have a bad habit of not staying secret for long, and once it comes out, you're going to be judged by your coworkers--and superiors--whether you like it. Neverminding that your relationship will provide endless fodder for the rumor mill.

If you are wise, you will keep your professional life and personal life as separate as possible.

aortas

50 Posts

I admittedly could use some more friends...however when I went to college it was five hours away...left home and started new life. Then I moved back home after school and had to make new friends again. What really made my friendships suffer was going back to school and working- ie- a good way to never see anyone or a good way to never have free time. Then outta school the second time I was stuck on 11-7 (opposite schedule of just about EVERYONE) and 3-11 for a year. Now I'm happily on 7-3...married.. I have more time to myself which is awesome but I'd like some new friends!

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

4 Articles; 7,907 Posts

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

And going back on topic, I also have a hard time making friends. Everyone has given you great tips. What has helped is using the internet to find local hobby/interest groups in my area to join. For example, I'm a knitter, so I used Ravelry to find local knitting groups in my area...and I found one that I like enough to attend regularly.

If you don't have a hobby, consider taking up one :)

+ Add a Comment