Fear vs Gut instinct...need advice...

  1. Here is my dilemma. I left my worker's comp case management job in January b/c I could not take the traveling, esp to unsafe cities at night, etc...

    Since I had never resigned my Home Health job, I was able to simply go back to doing per diem. Since I have been back working in the HH job, the nurses got a $4/hr raise, and per diem rate went up to $30/hr weekdays and $36/he weekends. They also made an effort to streamline the admit paperwork AND we now never get more than 6 visits a day. HUGE changes.

    I am still not happy to be back. This is why. I admit it I would like to someday not be a staff nurse. But, I am pretty sure, b/c of my outspokeness, I will never be considered for anything but a staff nurse position here. So, if I stay I know it will be for that reason. I do not want to do management, but I would love to do nursing ed in HH or quality, and would be happy to make some visits w nurses or to even carry a small case load of HHA sups or something that only an RN can do, chronic cases that would be easy to case manage while doing another job. But, like I said, it ain't gonna happen where I am.

    So, I went on an exhaustive job search. Got an offer, and now, the week before I start, I am having these huge feelings of trepidation. I have job hopped quite a bit, and I can't explain this. I can't say it is about the job, it is more like I shouldn't do this b/c something bad will happen w my kids if I do. MY new job is 35 min from home, 8a to 6p 4 days a week, no w/e no holidays, no nights. But, there is this nagging feeling that I will lose all control of my teenage dtr if I go through with this job. They would get home from school at 3:30 and my hubby gets home at 4pm, but next yr she will be in HS and get done at 2:30, and hour-and-a-half is plenty of time to get itno trouble when you are 14 (And God help me if she is anything like I was at her age...let's just say I was no angel and leave it at that!)

    Of course, the article in the paper my hubby pointed out to me this week did NOT help. Some perve is parking his truck near to the bus stops for my dtr's school and is taking pics of the teen girls. Nothing else, just pics, but I mean isn';t that creepy??? Scared the shyt outta me it did. Now I worry iif I am not here, will someone abduct her on the way home?? I have always been a severe worry wort when it comes to the kids. I hope someday I will be able to stop worrying about them to the degree that I do now.

    Anyway, I have a hard decision to make and have to do it in the next 24 hrs. Do I go w the job or not?

    I am leaning towards not. I mean as much as this present job has me totally depressed and feeling like I am trapped forever due to my kids or more specifically my dtr's shananigans, I have to admit, it is sooooooo flexible. I can be here when they get home from school, I can be done w my last visit by 2pm mpst days and go straight to the supermarket, then do my charting later.

    And last but not least, my sweet doggie won't have to learn to hold her bladder for eight straight hours and be at the mercy of two teenagers who couldn't care less how long she has been holding it. Plus in the summer, I can check in w the brats often for suprise inspections or just work weekends 12 hours again.

    Am I nuts to give up this opportunity? I just need to hear I am not being foolishly overprotective.

    I discussed it w my husband, and he just says, You have to do whatever you think you need to do. Sweet, but not much help. Something to the effcetc of Oh I am sooo glad you decided that ,would be helpful, or WHAT? Go for it hon, I'll take care of the kids issues (Yeah, I know I am dreaming now!)

    OMG, I can't believe I am thinking of passing up this great job w free health bennies and UNLIMITED tuition reimbursement. Help!!

    Is this just a fear of change? Or do I go w my gut which is screaming this is not going to work! ???
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  2. 38 Comments

  3. by   bargainhound
    Family first sounds wise at this stage of your family.
  4. by   frannybee
    In my experience, if every bone in your body is screaming that it's wrong, then you're not going to be happy or productive in your new post, even allowing for initial fear of change.

    **BUT**

    You don't know that your daughter is going to get in trouble. You say you don't feel safe travelling at night, and fearing for your safety is a valid enough reason in itself to look to the new job.

    I can't offer any serious advice - I don't have kids to worry about for a start - but personally I would be doing my best not to burn bridges while I started my new job.

    Speaking as someone whose sister went off the rails at 10 when we were still going to after-school care (solvent and butane abuse, smoking, underage sex, the works), you being home is not necessarily going to prevent trouble if it is going to happen at all. Having you there on weekends, at Christmas, at Thanksgiving etc is going to do more to keep her under control than you being tired, grumpy and scared but at home for 1 1/2 hrs a day during the week. Not least of all, free health benefits and reimbursement for tuition is good for your career AND your family.

    Sorry if that's not what you were after....it's a really difficult situation to be in and I feel for you.
  5. by   renerian
    Hoolahan let me say you have my TOTAL SYMPATHY. I have two kids that were cake to raise and three stepkids that have been hell to raise. You name it they have done it. I think kids need more monitoring when they are teenagers and they do get into trouble alot from poor decision making. I know you have to do what is right in your gut. For me I opted to be home. Now some days I hate it because it is pure hell with these stepkids. They make my life miserable. My gut says stay where you are and keep looking. I got this job in sales. I work from my home. I have some road time but I am here in case trouble erupts most of the time. She may want you gone. What does your hubby think?

    renerian
  6. by   KP RN
    Your home health position seems ideal for many reasons. I think it's great that you got a pay increase! You are also familiar with the agency. You can't beat the hours, and you can still devote time to the family.
    As far as that weirdo guy photographing teenage girls--how CREEPY is that!! I wouldn't feel comfortable if I worked so far away, and the daughter will be unsupervised for too long a time.
    Hoolie, do you think you can just suck it in for a while and stay with home health?? Perhaps you can discuss with your boss your desire to do nursing inservices/education?? Can you get a special certificate like a diabetic educator, or take some ET classes?? Then you will have even more to offer the nursing staff in the way of education.
    Good luck!
  7. by   litepath
    hoolahan

    You mention next year. Look at your concerns over today.
    1. Pervey near school: You want to check this out no matter what you decide, right?
    2. Husband sweet but not really participating in the change. Your happyness might well improve both of your' happyness..Ask him to participate in the change with you. Also maybe make little contracts with your kidz to aid mommies sanity.
    3. If the new and exciting job turns into a bore, you can probably find something else?!
    4. Is it possible to ask your supervisor or higher ups what you can do to be considered for the position you'd like at the HH place?

    Just thoughts...Good luck!!
  8. by   Purple_RN
    Hi,

    You have a tough decision to make. Ultimately you need to choose what is best for both you and your family. However, you stated that your husband gets home a 1/2 hour after your daughter right now, but once she gets to high school she will have a hour and a half without supervision - correct me if I am wrong. Now I don't know what problems you are having with your daughter and yes a hour and half can be a long time for a child to be left alone, but on the otherhand you can't possibly be with your child 24/7 especially at the age of 14 when they are beginning to become more and more independent. I have a friend I met in high school whose parents were constantly on her - watching what she does and you know what she still snuck around and did things her parents wouldn't approve of. I don't know if not taking the new job will solve your problems with your daughter, but it will probably give you more peace of mind. However, don't forget about taking care of yourself. Afterall, you deserve to have a job you enjoy. Your daughter is going through those lovely teenage years we have all experienced and made it through. If you can write a pros/cons list of the two jobs and see which one outweighs the other on the pros list go for that job. Good luck on your decision and keep me posted on your decision. New jobs can be overwhelming, but at the same time a new job might be good for you especially if you dread your current job.

    Best Wishes,

    Purple_RN
  9. by   whipping girl in 07
    As a mom, I have to say that if your gut is screaming no, then you'd better not do it. It won't be long before your kids are grown and gone and then you can do whatever you want careerwise.

    The cop-out answer your husband gave you sounds exactly like my husband, but I bet he just doesn't want to tell you what to do and then have it thrown back in his face in six months if things aren't working out (something I've been known to do to my DH ).

    As a teenager (hey, it's only been 9 years, I still remember a little), I know that I probably would have gotten in more trouble if my mom and dad weren't home in the afternoons when I got out of school. I got in enough as it was.

    Good luck whatever you decide.
  10. by   Scarlette
    Take the job that will make you the happiest, and if that's the one that will leave your dtr home alone for 1 1/2 hours, then maybe try to make arrangements for her to go home with a friend after school. If you're worried about her getting into trouble, maybe try to make arrangements for her to go home with a friend that has a stay at home parent.

    The job that has no holidays, weekends, ect. sounds pretty darn good. I think she'll appreciate the fact that you have that time home with her.

    As far as your dog, do you have a neighbor that you trust that can come over a couple times a day to let him outside for potty breaks? You can even look into a doggie daycare type thing. I know it sounds silly, but a friend of mine had a dog that couldn't hold his bladder and doggie day care made a world of difference! :chuckle

    The bottom line, do what makes you and your family the happiest. Good luck in whatever decision you make!
  11. by   kids
    Originally posted by konni
    As a mom, I have to say that if your gut is screaming no, then you'd better not do it. It won't be long before your kids are grown and gone and then you can do whatever you want careerwise.

    The cop-out answer your husband gave you sounds exactly like my husband, but I bet he just doesn't want to tell you what to do and then have it thrown back in his face in six months if things aren't working out (something I've been known to do to my DH ).

    As a teenager (hey, it's only been 9 years, I still remember a little), I know that I probably would have gotten in more trouble if my mom and dad weren't home in the afternoons when I got out of school. I got in enough as it was.

    Good luck whatever you decide.
    Ditto what Konni said.
    (but 1 1/2 hours wouldn't have been enough time for me to get in serious trouble, I had an hours worth of chores that had to be done before I even got to breathe fresh air again)
  12. by   Katnip
    Hoolahan, you aren't nuts.

    As a mom of teens, you have my sympathy. I know just how much trouble they can get into. As kids get older, they need more, not less supervision. It's unfortunate there aren't many after school programs for teens. It's true, being there might not keep her from getting into trouble, I have a feeling you're like me and would manage to blame yourself if you weren't there.

    As for your home health job, maybe they would give you an educaitonal position. Have you actually talked to the powers that be about it? You never know. Maybe they'll think it would keep you out of their hair.

    If nothing else, you might be able to keep looking. The perfect job just might not have presented itself yet.
  13. by   hoolahan
    I have applied for three diff positions there, but due to old water under the bridge issues w DON, she all but said it wouldn't happen. Maybe I'll start my own freaking agency! LOL!

    I am so happy to see so many diff opinions. It has given me a lot to think about.

    Yes, you are all right about not being able to watch my dtr 24/7. I guess it is some of the sneaky things I did that make me worry. I disctinctly remember my friend and I practicing ur smoking the hour before mom got home. One day she got off early, and I was so startled, in my haste to spray perfume to ocver the smoke smell, I sprayed perfum right into my eye! For me it was smokes, but it could be alcohol, boys, or whatever, esp the boys I worry about. Fortunately, she seems to have her head on pretty straight, but one wrong kid in the pic and that could all change.

    I think it was the pervert that put me over the edge, b/c yes I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her and I think I cold've prevented it. I know, I am a drama queen, maybe that is where she gets it from after all!

    I did get a call from a woman who has her own Case man biz and she was interested in me doing per diem telephonic CM from home, but I wanted a new FT job, but now maybe I'll call her back and see if she is still looking, and do the HH.

    KP, you read my mind!! I was thinking just as I was cooking dinner that if I did the wocn cert, and I do enjoy wound care, maybe I could negotiate something better at work, and carve out a better spot for myself, if not there, then as a consultant at other local agencies. Only thing is not tuition w per diem work, Oh well, I'll just have to work a little extra!!
  14. by   renerian
    Hoolahan good luck with your decision. Let us know what you decide.

    renerian

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