Family members that work your nerves!!!

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Maybe I am overreacting....or maybe I would be the same way if my family member was hospitalized...

I work in a busy ICU. Today my patient was s/p MVA, suffering from ARDS, multiple fractures. During visitation, the pt's brother in law, who is a nurse, came in and stripped the pt down in front of all the other family members. He had his own stethoscope, pen light, and did a full head-to-toe assessment. He then proceeded to take off all of the pt's dressings and look at what was under there.

I'm suprised he didn't attempt to look at the pt's chart. When I saw him doing this, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say to him. He comes in the room, asks different nurses the same questions to "test our knowledge"...which is what I heard his say under his breath to the other visitor.

Am I just over reacting...or should I have just let him do what he wanted to do??

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Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

This would have been me: :angryfire

What happened to the poor pt's personal dignity?????

Not to mention HIPAA . . . . he's heard of it, no?

Yes, I'm sure he's upset, but that's why I would confront him and tell him to knock it the h#$& off (in a diplomatic way, of course) instead of having him escorted out by security. Most normal people (and some are nurses ;) ) don't act like that.

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Specializes in ER then CVICU now.

I would have called security immediately. He went too far on that one....

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No, you're not overreacting. That was totally inappropriate and you would have been within your rights to have him escorted out. Asking questions to test you was out of line, the rest was totally inexcusable, and I hope the pt lets him know that when s/he is awake (assuming the injuries are survivable?).

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I find it deplorable that he stripped the patient down, etc. That is a complete invasion of the patient's privacy and a HIPAA violation. If it happens again I would take action immediately.

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This is disturbing, to say the least. Did anyone else from the family seem taken aback by his actions?

You might want to discuss this with your unit manager and come up with a plan for all his caregivers. The issues are 1) the brother-in-law is not "practicing" in your facility and should not be messing with dressings and other parts of the patient's care; 2) the patient needs his dignity, not to mention warmth, and should not be stripped of his coverings; 3) this brother may be fostering a lack of trust among other family members with his adversarial attitude and actions; 4) any legitimate questions need to be asked in the proper way and handled by both sides with respect.

I would suggest involving the docs and possibly social workers to help map out acceptable visitor behavior. The brother-in-law is probably worried and upset and is channeling this stress into his current behavior, but the behavior is still problematic. Most likely he is reverting to a role in which he feels capable and in control to deal with a situation where he has little say about anything.

Meet the real needs, which can range from a desire to bring control to the chaos in his spirit to an urge to DO SOMETHING for his poor brother-in-law to simple guilt that he is not the one lying in that bed.

If you can find a positive way to connect with him, he could be helpful instead of difficult. Get him talking about the patient. Ask about family connections, if they hang out together, what the patient is like, what they have in common. Let him help with turning or bathing if it seems appropriate. Build a rapport one minute at a time. Refuse to take the bait when he dangles it. You are not each other's enemy, and you have a common goal.

If he resists and still tries to muscle in where he doesn't belong, that's when a group plan can come in handy. It also might help to sound out other family members. Certainly, if there is a wife, her wishes should take precedence.

The patient is fortunate to have both caring nurses and concerned family members. I hope the brother-in-law will soon calm down and be able to appreciate all that is being done to help his sibling.

I wish you the best.

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This person was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY out of line. It's bad enough when family members who have no clue try to play doctor, it's even worse when a "nursey" family member comes in and does it. This person needs to be set straight NOW. OP have great ideas to get a plan together. I can't emphasize enough to do it ASAP as the family situation will only get worse. Personally, I would have taken him into the conference room and had a discussion and filled out an incident report just to give risk mamagement a heads up.

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Did you fill out an incident report or let your supervisor know?! I would just to get documentation started. It seems like he's looking for a problem.

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Specializes in Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

Assuming the brother was not on staff there and assigned to your patient's care, and that he had not received explicit permission to examine your pt from the pt himself of the pt' s HCP, what he did was technically assault. If you witnessed this and did nothing to prevent it, you are putting your license on the line.

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Specializes in Med/Surg; Psych; Tele.

Yes what this man did is very out of line.

However, there definitely may be a lot more to the family dynamics than you know. Maybe he felt some kind of pressure as "the medical person" in the family during this time of crisis. He is afterall the brother IN LAW - maybe this is his time to get in good with the in-laws who previously did not care for him much. Just playing devil's advocate here.

Regardless, he should have known better as a nurse.

My step-father, who was for the most part my father, was recently in the ICU. I admit that I did do a mini-assessment (had tucked my stethoscope into my purse). However, I did this on the sly - no one knew that I did this other than my mom. I would never want to interfere with a fellow nurse's care of my family member, let along be "one of those" family members.

I really just did that so that I could get a more clear picture of his status/prognosis. Goodness knows, I definitely would not've removed his large abdominal dressing!!

And that whole "test their knowledge" stuff. I'll bet this doofus would not have pulled that with the MD!

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.

OH this has my blood stirring and it wasn't even me there. I am right smack in the middle of being a nurse, having a "nursey" family member of my own that tends to think she is dr material, and having similar experiences that you mention here. I have dealt with "my son the lawyer", "my daughter the physician", and my own know it all family member that thinks she is Gods gift of nurses. This is one thing I hate about nursing, the "baggage" that comes with taking care of them. My husband was sick one day and this family member of mine that is also a nurse calls me up and starts giving me the 3rd degree about whats wrong with him, what are they doing to help him, what have YOU done to help him, etc.... As if I am so stupid I can't do this without her advice, which I did not ask for in the first place. :angryfire

And do you think she really gives a crap about him???? HECK NO. Just wants to show the world what she knows and how wonderful she thinks she is. Puts on her big girl panties and goes parading. I also have, on the other hand, another family member that is the "bully" family member when it comes to someone in the hospital. She is the one ranting and raving to the nurses about what they are not doing right and what they had better change. She is not a nurse. :bugeyes: Come live a day in the life of me!!!! Its never boring. This guy was WAY out of line. I would have got the supervisor.

I wonder where I really came from. I truly think maybe I was hatched!!!

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Specializes in CNA, EMT.

Well I have no room to talk. My dad had a small heart attack less than two weeks ago prior to this story. He was having the same chest tightness (no pain, but he is diabetic) We took him to the ER there and waited and waited... I asked them several times how soon they could get his tests in and that he had a heart attack a short time ago... but they kept saying 'we'll get there soon as we can'... finally after a half an hour of being in that room and his tightness increasing I stole an EKG machine and gave him an EKG. Shortly after, my mother (who is a cardiac icu nurse) arrived and read it. It looked okay as far as she could tell, so we just continued to wait. It took almost an hour for a tech to get in there and give him a legit one. It was uncalled for. I assume they didn't think he was emergent because he didn't c/o pain, but if they would have just looked at the records they would have known I was serious that he had had a heart attack a few days earlier.

They did end up admitting him and cathing him though.

I know this was not the most legal thing to do, and some may not agree, but I'm not ashamed one bit for doing it.

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