face to face with death

mscsrjhm · Sep 21, 2004

Great post. Watching illness, and the dying, I am less material. Not one for trinkets. Would rather take my kids to laser tag than buy a knick-knack.

begalli · Sep 21, 2004

As someone going through a terrible life-threatening situation right now with a parent, for me, it's easier to deal with the day to day blows that come with what my parent is going through because I know and understand what's happening.

But, it makes it that much more difficult as well because other family members who don't understand want information from me as oppossed to asking about it from the doctors or nurses.

I think me being a nurse profoundly affects how I feel about the mortality of a loved one. I have seen long, awful, drawn-out death. I know enough to know that it doesn't have to be that way.

As for my own mortality, I know what I do and don't want, and to be sure, my kids know about it and it's in writing.

I have found out that going through a loved-one's long serious illness makes it 150% harder to face work on a daily basis to care for others. So yes, I think that contributes to burn-out.

leslie :-D · Sep 21, 2004

i personally do not have problems with my own mortality.

i do have problems with family members and/or mds, denying the reality of the patient's terminality. therefore, these patients do not get the care they honestly need.

also, being involved with my sister's ca dx, i find that it has made me more vulnerable to other pts with (terminal) ca and not getting the services they need.

not everything can neatly be written and assessed on a piece of paper.

these assessment forms are too black and white to accurately reflect the ambiguities and all of the hidden and/or unspoken s/s of effective palliative care.

that is where i get terribly burned out.

begalli · Sep 21, 2004

i do have problems with family members and/or mds, denying the reality of the patient's terminality. therefore, these patients do not get the care they honestly need.

!!Hallelujah sister/brother!!

veteranRN · Sep 21, 2004

Thank God I have never been faced with the mortality of a close family member. BUt I think dealing with it so often would change the way I feel about it if I were faced with it. Unfortunately, I think many non-medical people would perceive it as cold or uncaring when actually that is not the case at all.

talaxandra · Sep 22, 2004

I certainly think I'm more comfortable with death and dying (both as abstract concepts and directly) than I could possibly otherwise have been. Our society so strongly marginalises death, dying and disability that most people have little or not experience until they (or someone they care deeply about) is dying, and then they're often woefully underequipped.

I do sometimes worry about the impact of my professional experiences on my personal life. I don't think I've become hardened, but it's easier to segregate my feelings away and think like a nurse when these kinds of stressful things happen. For example, a very dear friend was involved in a serious car accident - I didn't cry (and I'm a faucet, cry at ads for the Olympics) because the outcome wasn't yet known. She survived, though not intact, and I didn't cry at all.

I agree with bengalli - when family members are sick it's hard not to be a nurse then, too. For one thing everyone turns to you - to interpret, to intervene, to provide care and support. Even the staff talk more to you than to anyone else (even the next of kin, if you're not it), and sometimes even rely on you to assist with care. It's even comforting to have that role, because it's more familiar than the role of worried, grieving relative, but it means that you don't have an outlet for all those feelings. At least in my experience.

My experiences as a nurse have made me very clear about what I do and don't want - for myself and for my loved ones. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of dying badly (prolonged, painful, dependent).

Thank you for starting this thread - it's very interesting :)

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 22, 2004

I think that death is a step in life, and that life goes far beyond this physical world. It's a step as natural and as inevitable as puberty, though we can keep putting it off with meds etc, eventually it happens. Imagine if people were moved to a completely different continent when puberty occured, and we never heard from them again...Those left behind would fear the changes of getting older and use all the technology at their disposal to delay it.

I think actual physical death is going to be physically painful, but if you are able to separate the soul's and the body's well being in your mind it changes your perception of the situation. Death will be just a change in form. Like childhood we need to spend our time here getting ready for the change, according to our own beliefs. Fearing death makes as much sense as fearing a big move, but fear of the unknown is just natural and mostly unavoidable.

leslie :-D · Sep 22, 2004

I think actual physical death is going to be physically painful,

unless the death is related to a pathophys with uncontrolled pain, physical death is not physically painful at all.

it really isn't.

really.

leslie

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 22, 2004

I guess what I meant is if you are concious...

leslie :-D · Sep 22, 2004

I guess what I meant is if you are concious...

(scratching my head vigorously).....

well, i suppose it would be a moot point if you weren't conscious.

i've witnessed hundreds of people die, mostly in a semi-conscious state, and it is a very natural sequence of events.

absolutely no distress whatsoever.

that's assuming that they have put closure on open wounds and found peace.

it's not so pleasant if someone resists the process all the way, but it's not a physical pain, but more of a mental anguish.

and that is just as distressing to see.....

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 22, 2004

Do you think wacking each other on the head with a magazine would clear us up any??

I think we probably agree, but have different ways of saying it.