Does everyone have a conscience?

Nurses General Nursing

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Does everyone have a conscience? I used to think everyone did, but now I'm not so sure. My colleagues, most of whom are teachers, always reprimand me when I say a kid is bad.

'There's no such thing as a bad child, just bad behaviour' they sometimes say. What happens if you're convinced someone isn't just bad, but has a black heart?

I was on a school trip to London - not so much as a nurse, simply one of the adults chaperoning about 20 seniors from our private European boarding school.

We were sitting not far from Leister Square at a small cafe enjoying the warm late summer evening, soaking in the crowds, the hubbub of life, when a car went roaring past, way in excess of the speed limit, nearly running over several pedestrians in the overcrowded street.

'What an idiot, he could have killed someone' I exclaimed, while Nurlan burst into laughter.

Nurlan was from Kazakhstan, and most likely his family part of the criminal power structure there - although that would only be a guess, but probably accurate.

I asked him what was so funny, and he said it was funny watching people jump out the way.

'But somebody could have been killed!' I exclaimed, and he laughed louder.

It could have been simply teenage bluster, but something about Nurlan didn't feel right; it seemed sinister. But what would I know, I'm probably over-reacting. But I didn't let it drop.

'So you don't care if someone died?' I asked, and he shrugged his shoulders.

'Why would I care?' His laughter had died, the ice in his voice sending a chill down my spine.

I asked him what if that was his grandmother who got run over and killed, and of course, that would be a different story. He said he'd kill the driver, and I believed him. But I wasn't ready to let up.

I asked him what if it was his grandmother who had been hurt, but hadn't died, but needed help, but everyone stood around not caring, and laughing like he did.

'If everyone else was like you, your grandmother would be dead, because no one stopped to give a damn.'

He because agitated, and told me to shut up, but I was angry as well.

'You should be thankful the world isn't full of people like you' I suggested, and he said he wasn't going to sit there and be insulted by a mere nurse. So he left.

Sadly, Nurlan isn't the only teenager I've met who I suspect has never felt compassion for a stranger, but these people aren't immune to change. Five years in a boarding school is sometimes the best thing for some of our students, because it takes them out of their home environment, which is sometimes lethal, particularly to people they don't like.

Sometimes my job isn't about nursing at all, but trying to bring to life that spark of humanity that I do actually believe is inside of all of us, that has sadly been suppressed all their lives.

I can't say Nurlan graduated much different from when he joined us, but then he was only with us for his senior year, so we didn't have the time to bring out the humanity in him.

But there are many others that we do manage to influence in a positive way, but I'll save that for another time.

Newbie_RN17

121 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, Emergency.

I've always subscribed to the whole "there's no bad kids, just bad behavior" thing. However, I think that sociological issues throughout childhood and a lack of parenting (which if I remember correctly, you work at a boarding school where children are routinely dropped off by their parents only to be seen when it's convenient?) can cause any child to consistently make bad decisions and lash out in order to gain any kind of attention possible, be it good or bad.

This isn't necessarily the case with the child you are speaking of, but I think that it sounds more like a severe psychiatric illiness like antisocial personality disorder that does present as manipulative people without compassion for others. Sometimes, it can be curbed in early childhood (when it is referred to by a different name, I can't remember what off the top of my head but perhaps a psych nurse will contribute to the conversation-psych just happens to be of extreme interest to me) with behavior modification, but unfortunately, in this case, the lack of parental involvement and recognition of the issue led to it becoming out of control.

Hopefully this helps.

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

You again? With one of your wild posts? Really nursingaround1?

Horseshoe, BSN, RN

5,879 Posts

Your post reads like fiction.

But of course, there are people with no consciences. What you are describing, however, is more like lack of empathy.

Sociopaths/psychopaths do not have the capacity to experience empathy and are lacking a conscience.

nursingaround1

246 Posts

You again? With one of your wild posts? Really nursingaround1?

I know, I'm sorry, but this is exactly as it happened, so, so sorry.

guest769224

1,698 Posts

'You should be thankful the world isn't full of people like you' I suggested.

Very inappropriate for you to say to a student, or anyone. I'm sure that's the last thing he wanted to hear on his trip to London.

nursingaround1

246 Posts

Very inappropriate for you to say to a student, or anyone. I'm sure that's the last thing he wanted to hear on his trip to London.

I wonder what you would have done/said. Sometimes people need to hear the truth. It also comes with 10yrs experience working with teenagers.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN

1 Article; 2,675 Posts

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

Nursingaround1,

Sorry, but before teaching that kid, or any other kid/adult at this matter, you better try to fit into his shoes first.

Kazakhstan was part of USSR empire, and, trust me because i'm from there as well, this boy's behavior was not bad or good, it was completely NORMAL for where he came from. Yes, people there en masse just do not possess what you name "consciousness", especially people who got enough money to send their child to English boarding school, and let only God know how they got those $$$. In this country one has to be ruthless, aggressive, unmerciful and unforgiving and ready to walk through lives and laws in order to be a man and be seen as one. It is good that your teaching made no trace in the boy's young brains in the view that he would have to return in his native land.

P.S. Sorry again but I happen to know Leicester square (I guess it was what you meant, the famous tourist place between Charing Cross and Pickadilly) area pretty well. How the heck one could ever drive like you described in that permanent gridlock which is there at all times of the day and most of the night as well, or on the square itself if it was mostly pedestrianised some 8 or so years ago? There are always quite a few policemen on duty there and around because of swarming crowds, just as well. Did it all happened in the area well known for police being on duty at all times?

nursingaround1

246 Posts

Nursingaround1,

Sorry, but before teaching that kid, or any other kid/adult at this matter, you better try to fit into his shoes first.

Kazakhstan was part of USSR empire, and, trust me because i'm from there as well, this boy's behavior was not bad or good, it was completely NORMAL for where he came from. Yes, people there en masse just do not possess what you name "consciousness", especially people who got enough money to send their child to English boarding school, and let only God know how they got those $$$. In this country one has to be ruthless, aggressive, unmerciful and unforgiving and ready to walk through lives and laws in order to be a man and be seen as one. It is good that your teaching made no trace in the boy's young brains in the view that he would have to return in his native land.

P.S. Sorry again but I happen to know Leicester square (I guess it was what you meant, the famous tourist place between Charing Cross and Pickadilly) area pretty well. How the heck one could ever drive like you described in that permanent gridlock which is there at all times of the day and most of the night as well, or on the square itself if it was mostly pedestrianised some 8 or so years ago? There are always quite a few policemen on duty there and around because of swarming crowds, just as well. Did it all happened in the area well known for police being on duty at all times?

Um, I said we were just near Leister square, down a side road, probably a block or so away, but in the general vicinity.

As for his behaviour, I know 100's of Kazaks, and very few have been like this guy. A few russians like that, yes, as well as other eastern europeans. But very few have been so cold.

Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

Saw the title, was intrigued, saw the author and decided Im not in the mood

Sociopaths have no conscience. Much like trolls.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN

1 Article; 2,675 Posts

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

Nursingaround1,

Leicester (which is mispronounced as "Leister" sometimes, but Google and Maps both have nothing named "Leister square" in tourist areas of London) is a mostly pedestrian area, and for this very reason all "side roads" till Pickadilly are forever packet tight with cars.Drivers are so very careful there, both for the reason of police being around there at all times and for crazy tourists not yet familiar with English driving/road crossing, that we were specifically adviced to choose hotel there as I and my husband were starting right - side drivers and rather very slow on the road. One must be completely crazy to do what you described at that particular place.

BTW, may I know where did you meet "100th of K(AZACH) S" ? Just wondering where I could get into a Kazach restaurant in civilized world, I've been pining for their mantas since 2000.

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