Disgusting Behavior of Nurses

[pagandeva2000]

I am just flabbergasted. My best friend, who is manic depressive is an excellent, organized nurse who really puts a positive foot in her work. Since her last manic episode, she has really been diligent in taking her meds. A downfall of the medication is that her hair has broken off and she gained weight. Because of that, she decided to cut her hair very short and wear it natural (she is African American). Sometimes, it is a short afro, other times, small twists.

Well, this morning, in front of at least 10 other witnesses, a head nurse walked up to her and said that her hair is horrible, she looks disheveled and also looks homeless. She also said that 'everyone is talking about it' and it appears that she is decomposing 'before their very eyes'. My friend was horrified, to say the least. She called me on my cell phone as I was on my way to work and told me this. This is the first day of her vacation and this is how it is supposed to start??

First off, did this woman even think...my friend was very meticulous in how she wore her hair in the past...now that it had broken off, and she has to pay cash for her medication to keep her stable, she decided that it was not worth spending money on the chemicals-it was wiser to take her medications as prescribed. Can that make her happy? But, she accepted it and make accomodations for her new hair.

All I can say is if I were present to witness such behavior, especially after knowing what my friend went through, I would have probably been the one suspended by the time I put that witch in her place. See, this is why nursing is going down. We can't even respect or show empathy for each other. It is all about embarassment, harassment, competition and insults. What has this line of work come to where our so-called leaders can get away with this?

My friend reported this to the Director of Nursing. Thank goodness, before she became a nurse, she was the DON's private secretary and she adores my friend. She told her that she WILL speak to that fool before the end of the day. Also, you never know who you are speaking to. This sorry head nurse doesn't even know that the DON and my friend are so close that she has been invited to spend the weekend with the DON many times over the years, with her children and the DON has also paid my friend's tuition for her daughter to attend private school. My friend, however, is not a name dropper, nor does she exploit her relationship with this woman. Oh, I am so angry...

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Sure you did....because you said that the person who made the rude comment was setting themselves up for a lawsuit.

Giving an opinion on someone's personal appearance, doesn't warrant a lawsuit, because it's an opinion...no matter how rude it may be.

If it is racially movitated...it absolutely does.

If you were not implying that there was a possible racism factor to the woman's comment, then you would have made no mention that she was "setting herself up for a lawsuit".

Other reasons exist for a possible lawsuit. None of them are racially-motivated. Just because someone mentions litigation, it doesn't mean they're thinking of race automatically.

1) Discrimination against a subordinate employee because she has a mental illness (the head nurse did make a snide comment about the nurse looking "manic" and "homeless")

2) Provision of a hostile workplace environment by the head nurse (her insults in front of other people invoked mental anguish, cruelty, embarrassment, and a feeling of dread while at work)

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

Other reasons exist for a possible lawsuit. None of them are racially-motivated. Just because someone mentions litigation, it doesn't mean they're thinking of race automatically.

1) Discrimination against a subordinate employee because she has a mental illness (the head nurse did make a snide comment about the nurse looking "manic" and "homeless")

2) Provision of a hostile workplace environment by the head nurse (her insults in front of other people invoked mental anguish, cruelty, embarrassment, and a feeling of dread while at work)

Well said, Commuter!

[Batman24]

What happened to common decency and respect for others? This is disgusting. I'm glad your friend is bringing this up to the DON. She should also be sure to put this in writing to get a paper trail started. The woman who did this deserves a write up at the very least. This is unprofession, unkind, and unacceptable. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. None.

You friend is lucky to have you, pags. Let her know people here are in support of her. Sometimes just knowing you aren't alone helps. And be sure she knows that even though this seems awfully personal this really has nothing to do with her. It has to do with cruel and mean behavior of others made worse by the fact that it was initiated by her superior. I see this as abusive. And this woman meant to cause pain because she did it publically to make the humiliation that much worse.

[PacoUSA, BSN, RN]

The head nurse needs to be fired, period. Need she be reminded that there are lines and lines of unemployed nurses that would pretty much kill to have a position like hers. Anyone gainfully employed in the nursing profession in this economy should be embracing their jobs as much as they do their wallets and cell phones and act accordingly as professionals. There is no room in the profession for egregiously low individuals such as her, just think how many other equally capable nurses with more benevolent ethics can easily replace her within minutes, seriously!

Your friend seems to be a strong woman. With your support you will all get through this in one piece.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I told my friend of the wonderful responses and support she received from allnurses and she told me she had tears in her eyes for total strangers to embrace her struggles. So, for my friend, I thank ALL of you! I love you guys and value my daily interactions with you. It is valuable and cherishing.

[nursel56]

The original post didn't make mention that all of the involved nurses were Black.

I agree with you completely that it is bullying.

I would never walk up to anyone I worked with and tell them they looked like they were homeless...I might ask them if they feel ok...or that they look tired, to see if there was something I could do to help them on their shift.

I don't think she was obliged to mention their race because the issue wasn't about race. People don't generally specify a race when talking about general subjects such as the stigma of mental health problems and the ridicule those diagnoses sometimes bring.

Your friend has a ton of courage Pagandeva. I'm glad she was heartened by the support here. :redpinkhe

[shoegalRN, RN]

Maybe they were curious-especially since some people may have limited knowledge about your natural hair, just my 2 cents. It all does come down to how they ask though....

I have no problem educating anyone about my natural hair or how I maintain it.

You are right, it was how it came across. It wasnt like they were the least bit interested in my hair as far as knowledge based is concerned.

[Vito Andolini]

I think it's just ridiculous that anyone would read race into this. EVERYBODY WAS THE SAME RACE!!!

I think paranoia and rage are in play when race in read into EVERYTHING. And remember - I am a black male.

[PacoUSA, BSN, RN]

I think it's just ridiculous that anyone would read race into this. EVERYBODY WAS THE SAME RACE!!! I think paranoia and rage are in play when race in read into EVERYTHING. And remember - I am a black male.

That's interesting. I had to think back to when I read the OP's first post to see if my first thought was racism, and it really was not. My first thought was how cruel it was for a head nurse to be blatantly pointing that out to one of her staff members: Aren't nurses suppose to respect each other? But I agree with you, people are quick to cry out racism ... but can you really blame some people for doing so if their experiences warrant it?

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Perhaps the head nurse made the ill-informed, crude comments about the nurse because natural hairstyles are often a source of ridicule in the black community. I am black, and even many of my family members have been conditioned to think that our hair can only look good if it has been chemically treated, processed, pressed, flat-ironed, or permed.

http://www.nappturality.com/modules/wfsection/article.php?articleid=21

We Black women (well, most of us) have been conditioned to believe that our natural hair is difficult, unruly, willful, ugly, won't grow and needs to be straightened to grow and be healthy.

Over the 400-odd years people of African descent have been on the North American continent, we have become intolerant and fearful of our natural hair. We are progressing as a people, yet know nothing about our natural born hair except that it's "nappy." So we slap a relaxer on, get a weave, braid extensions, whatever is necessary to hide it.

A similar story has been played out on other continents.

[beachbutterfly]

The head nurse needs to be fired, period. Need she be reminded that there are lines and lines of unemployed nurses that would pretty much kill to have a position like hers. Anyone gainfully employed in the nursing profession in this economy should be embracing their jobs as much as they do their wallets and cell phones and act accordingly as professionals. There is no room in the profession for egregiously low individuals such as her, just think how many other equally capable nurses with more benevolent ethics can easily replace her within minutes, seriously!

Your friend seems to be a strong woman. With your support you will all get through this in one piece.

I wouldnt automatically jump to fire the head nurse however she needs to be at least disciplined......

[beachbutterfly]

I think it's just ridiculous that anyone would read race into this. EVERYBODY WAS THE SAME RACE!!!

I think paranoia and rage are in play when race in read into EVERYTHING. And remember - I am a black male.

I think this is a very objective opinion..I'm sure that any nurse regardless of color,gender would be reprimended for her/his unkept appearance...I'm not saying that the head nurse was right in saying those things to your friend (since obviously your friend is on meds) but we as a nurses are expected to look neat since we take care of arleady sick people who needs our help..once a nursing instructor told me "If nurses cant take care of themselves how can take care of other people"