Dear nurse, I really don't want to bother you

[JeanettePNP]

I saw this on an ER thread and I feel it needs to be discussed. Before anyone flames me, this post is not intended to attack nurses, especially ER nurses. I feel that I do need some clarification about what nurses consider to be a "bother."

Originally Posted by RunnerRN

14) Just because you or your family member says "I know you're busy" or "I'm sorry to bother you" before making another dumb request (another blanket, when will my room be ready, etc) does not make me less busy or you less of a bother.

OK, not to be another scolding student, but this one did bother me. It is natural to want to make your family member comfortable during their stay in the ER, even if their need perhaps isn't as urgent as the dying patient down the hall. The family member is at least showing some politeness and sensitivity for the nurse. They are not trying to be a bother. It's just that their family member is sick (even if there are other people there who are sicker) and they are trying to get their needs met.

Trust me, if I knew where the blanket/clean sheet/washcloth/emesis basin was, and I was allowed access to the supply closet, I'd get it myself and not bother you. But I'm a "guest" in the ER, so I have no choice but to bother the nurse or leave my family member cold/wet/dirty/thirsty etc. So to all you hardworking ER nurses, I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're busy, but I will advocate for my family member when I accompany them to the ER.

Point is, from a patient's perspective it's hard to know what will be considered unreasonable. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to be comfortable if you're really not feeling well. I'm not talking about patients who have no reason to be in the ER. I'm talking about patients who truly are sick, but are stable and not about to die. Should their need for comfort be ignored because there are patients who are so much sicker? As a family member, I hate to bother the nurse because I know how much she has to do--but as I said, I'm a guest in their facility and I really don't know where things are. If I could take care of it myself, I would.

It's not just in the ER that this is an issue. I'm one of the least demanding people you'll ever meet, yet I have been in hospital situations where I was made to feel like a "bother." That's one reason I chose to have my babies at home. The OB nurses during my first birth were great, but the postpartum nurses acted like I was a big pain. When I have my babies at home I'm on my own turf and can look after my own comfort, and the midwife is there to assist me. I am not a bother to anyone.

I don't really know what the resolution to the problem is. I know nurses are overworked as it is and can't be all things to all people at all times. I also know that there are whiners and unreasonable people out there who demand all sorts of things that are not their right at all. But should a patient with a legitimate (although not desperate) need be ignored simply because other people have bigger needs? Maybe hospitals can have the most necessary supplies readily available so family members can provide the comfort care when nurses are too busy to do so? I really don't want to bother the nurse, but it's frustrating to be so dependent on people who have much more important things to do than tend to you.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I think you are right when you talk about a "consistent" role for family members.

The ER I was at - it was NOT ok for family to be very participative in patient care.

The hospital I work at NOW - very involved. Heck, you can be in the room when a code is going on etc.

cheers,

We allow that as well . . . although we do empty the other two beds if we need to do a code. Our center bed is reserved for cardiac and/or stroke, trauma.

I think for the most part it is a good idea to have families there during a code. There are always exceptions though. . .

steph

[LeahJet, ASN, RN]

I agree with telling them to sit tight. No one dies from being a little uncomfortable for a little while. These are adults and they are in the ER, not the Hilton. Kids are different b/c if they are uncomfortable then they are usually screaming or crying, so in those cases and if the parents are responsible, we will sometimes tell them where they can find drinks, blankets, etc. No pillows here sorry!

Completely agree.

Again, not trying to sound harsh..... but people think that the ER is some magic place that has the perfect pill that will take away your pain and a staff to make you completely comfortable. Life is not perfect and sometimes we ache,hurt, or generally feel like crap. Many times, I have worked taking care of people that probably felt better than I did.

I'm probably going to get flamed big time, but I think that people are getting too whimpy. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be tough.

Sheesh.

[Roy Fokker, BSN, RN]

Personally, I'd leave the choice to the family concerned.

Some folks don't like/want to see the measures being done to their loved ones in the aim of preserving/stabilizing life. But on the whole, I think we agree here :)

I better get to bed! I'm supposed to work tonight!

cheers,

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Completely agree.

Again, not trying to sound harsh..... but people think that the ER is some magic place that has the perfect pill that will take away your pain and a staff to make you completely comfortable. Life is not perfect and sometimes we ache,hurt, or generally feel like crap. Many times, I have worked taking care of people that probably felt better than I did.

I'm probably going to get flamed big time, but I think that people are getting too whimpy. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be tough.

Sheesh.

I mentioned this on another thread but I had a female with a migraine in alot of pain and we triaged her right into the ER because we had no patients. However our ER doc also has the walk-in clinic next door so it took him 1/2 hour to get to her . . . we turned out the lights by her bed and were as quiet as could be and yet her husband walked over to complain loudly about how long they had been waiting and "when is the doctor going to get here?!". After 1/2 hour. I wanted to say try the next hospital in the big city and see if you can even get into the ER from triage in 1/2 hour.

People's expectations can be hard to deal with - especially when you are doing your best.

steph

[EmerNurse, BSN, RN]

Many times, I have worked taking care of people that probably felt better than I did.

I'm probably going to get flamed big time, but I think that people are getting too whimpy. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be tough.

Sheesh.

LOL LeahJet - can't tell you how many times I've been in triage on my 4th 12 in a row and had someone describe symptoms I've had for 3 nights running! I wanna tell them "how bout YOU do my job and I'LL go lie down?" I don't of course, but I want to .

[cota2k]

Thanks for saving Grams (etc..) life, but I think she (etc..) needs food, water, blankets (etc..) The best was when I first started in ED. Air ambulance crew is there to transport a resp distress 10 y/o, and an older gentleman came and asked what we were going to do next for his mother as her enema hadn't resolved her issue. :banghead:

[arizonanurse]

Oh my gosh, this thread totally reminds me of my last day at work. A 300 lb, screaming, kicking, clawing psych patient cussing us out, attacking the staff and screaming bloody murder while 6 security guards held her down so I could give IM Haldol.... All. Day. Long. Plus three other patients who, while nowhere near as time consuming as the first one, did need meds and IVs and assessments and dressing changes. So I finally come home after the day from hell, an hour late because after I gave report I had to chart on the entire shift. And my dad tells me that I probably was irritating to this patient, and my mom says I should feel sorry for her because she was probably scared. :angryfire All I could say was, "If you'd had to take care of her all day you wouldn't be saying that." And then give up, and save my venting for my nurse friends who are the only people who can really understand.

I guess what I'm trying to say is please don't judge us when you've never been in our shoes. I don't mind people asking for things, and yes, I understand it only takes a minute to wrap up your IV so you can take a shower - but if a doctor is in the middle of a bedside I&D and is waiting on me to give the patient another dose of morphine, you are going to have to wait, and no, I do not know how long. I really don't care when you complain about how long everything takes; I've heard it all a million times and it just doesn't phase me anymore. But I do appreciate it when people are understanding.

[RunnerRN, BSN, RN]

As the original poster of this "derogatory, harsh, disgusting" etc comment on the ER board, I was all set to come in here and defend myself. Was I ever surprised when I read all the comments! I am all for family participation in care - which anyone would know if they read my other responses to other threads - but there are definitely times when I am unable to spend even 5 extra minutes in a stable patient's room. Many ERs (including mine) are operating in crisis mode most of the time...just trying to keep the sick people alive! This goes double on night shift.

I think the OP of this thread meant well, in wanting to know how she can help, not hinder, her family member's care in the ER. BUT there are several responses that I felt were not deserving. As was already posted, you cannot fathom what it is like to be an RN in a crisis ED until you actually are one.

To the RNs who posted in support of my comment, thank you!!

[Cattitude]

this is probably going to come off as way harsh but perhaps if you are really interested in helping to take care of your loved one then maybe you could become involved before they need to be in the er? my point here is that our country's ers are overwhelmed with pts who are sick, some who are not sick, and a lot that would have never needed to be seen in an er if they or their families had taken responsibility for that person's health issues and dealt with them before it was an emergency. until the general public takes responsibilty for their health our ers are going to continue to be used as clinics and pcps. i am sure that if my er wasn't so busy with a lot of noncritical pts, i could give out a lot more blankets and maybe find a way to better care for the critical pts that need to be in an er. i know this maybe off topic but at the same time i can remember when going to the er was not supposed to be a pleasant experience only a necessary one.

:yelclap:

even though this strayed from the topic, i must agree. i am a visiting nurse and i can't tell you how many patients i have with uninvolved family members. there are also the patients who keep putting off their doctor appt's and then wind up in the er with exac. of chf, copd whatever because they waited so long. as a home health nurse i try my best to prevent er visits but i can't do it alone:uhoh21:

beez

[TazziRN, RN]

Originally Posted by LeahJet

Many times, I have worked taking care of people that probably felt better than I did.

I'm probably going to get flamed big time, but I think that people are getting too whimpy. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be tough.

Sheesh.

I remember doing a night shift years ago, a busy one, where the doc and all three nurses were sicker than most of the pts there, and we were working!

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

All I'm going to say about this is, when you become a nurse you will understand what the OP was trying to convey by that statement.

And what if they don't?

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Poor Chaya. She tried so hard to ask her question without sounding judgmental.