Dear nurse, I really don't want to bother you

[JeanettePNP]

I saw this on an ER thread and I feel it needs to be discussed. Before anyone flames me, this post is not intended to attack nurses, especially ER nurses. I feel that I do need some clarification about what nurses consider to be a "bother."

Originally Posted by RunnerRN

14) Just because you or your family member says "I know you're busy" or "I'm sorry to bother you" before making another dumb request (another blanket, when will my room be ready, etc) does not make me less busy or you less of a bother.

OK, not to be another scolding student, but this one did bother me. It is natural to want to make your family member comfortable during their stay in the ER, even if their need perhaps isn't as urgent as the dying patient down the hall. The family member is at least showing some politeness and sensitivity for the nurse. They are not trying to be a bother. It's just that their family member is sick (even if there are other people there who are sicker) and they are trying to get their needs met.

Trust me, if I knew where the blanket/clean sheet/washcloth/emesis basin was, and I was allowed access to the supply closet, I'd get it myself and not bother you. But I'm a "guest" in the ER, so I have no choice but to bother the nurse or leave my family member cold/wet/dirty/thirsty etc. So to all you hardworking ER nurses, I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're busy, but I will advocate for my family member when I accompany them to the ER.

Point is, from a patient's perspective it's hard to know what will be considered unreasonable. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to be comfortable if you're really not feeling well. I'm not talking about patients who have no reason to be in the ER. I'm talking about patients who truly are sick, but are stable and not about to die. Should their need for comfort be ignored because there are patients who are so much sicker? As a family member, I hate to bother the nurse because I know how much she has to do--but as I said, I'm a guest in their facility and I really don't know where things are. If I could take care of it myself, I would.

It's not just in the ER that this is an issue. I'm one of the least demanding people you'll ever meet, yet I have been in hospital situations where I was made to feel like a "bother." That's one reason I chose to have my babies at home. The OB nurses during my first birth were great, but the postpartum nurses acted like I was a big pain. When I have my babies at home I'm on my own turf and can look after my own comfort, and the midwife is there to assist me. I am not a bother to anyone.

I don't really know what the resolution to the problem is. I know nurses are overworked as it is and can't be all things to all people at all times. I also know that there are whiners and unreasonable people out there who demand all sorts of things that are not their right at all. But should a patient with a legitimate (although not desperate) need be ignored simply because other people have bigger needs? Maybe hospitals can have the most necessary supplies readily available so family members can provide the comfort care when nurses are too busy to do so? I really don't want to bother the nurse, but it's frustrating to be so dependent on people who have much more important things to do than tend to you.

[hecete]

i don't work in a e.r. but do work in ltc. i have had customer service crammed down my throat to the point of vomiting. some people you can't please no matter what you do. i'm responsible for 30 residents, usually with 4 cnas. my cnas a excellent and i rely on them, since i can't be everywhere. sometimes we are so busy, residents and family have to wait. i actually had a family member walk in on a code blue and demand a pillow now!! i wanted to rip her face off.:angryfire

[gonzo1, ASN, RN]

I wish we had volunteers in our ER. Unfortunately there are none, ever. Even though we have asked for them. We are also chronicly short staffed as they doubled the size of the ER and did not hire any more staff. Our CNAs have to help out a lot during codes. We buy boxloads of pillows by the week and in just a couple of days they are all missing. I don't know where they go because when we take patients to the floors we make sure we take our pillow back. And I don't see people walking out to go home with them, but they just disappear. It is rare that I ever have a good night where I can take care of anyone in a timely manner. Seems like we are always playing catch up.

As bad as we have it tho, there is no comparison as to how awful the floor nurses have it. At least I usually only have 4 patients, they have six. And our docs are near by, we don't have to call them on the phone.

We are always clogged up though by people who come in for totally inappropriate things. Once had a lady come in by ambulance for a paper cut on her finger that we couldn't even see. Had a mom bring her daughter in on Sat at 0200 because she had a tummy ache on Thursday and wanted to know why her tummy hurt her on Thursday. We asked her why she didn't come in then and she said because she didn't want to leave work, she likes her job.

I wish we could be warmer and fuzzier for all our patients but the system definately makes it impossible. Say a prayer for all us ER RNs we are trying to do the best we can with the little bit we have to work with.

I once had a 6 year old boy die in my arms and had to go right on into the next room and take care of my other patients like nothing ever happpened because we don't have decompression time here.

Still, in all I don't want to work anywhere else in the system, at least not right now.

I am sick but will be going in to work tonight with my nose running, carrying my box of puffs plus with lotion around with me. If I am lucky I will get to be in fast track so I won't be sneezing on too many people.

[suemaha]

Wow, some of you really have strong opinions! (Please accept my apoligies as I realize this reply has gotten very long, please be patient and read the whole thing, I make my point at the end.) I would just like to say that a few years ago I was on the other side of this, my mom was a very sick patient, in one month she got very ill and we didn't really know what was going on with her. Finally it got to the point where she couldn't walk from her bed to the bathroom without getting very winded, SOB. I was an RN at a nursing home and I worked nights, my mom would call and ask me questions about how she was feeling and I would give her my best guess. I told her it sounds like CHF, but that didn't make sense to me, she was only 57, and always took good care of herself as she had been deathly ill in the late 60's with colitis and illeitius. She was miss diagnosed with this for 10 years and finally had surgery in 1971 at the Mayo Clinic where my dad drove her to the ER one night they did tests and by the next AM she was in surgery. Her regular doctor, who was a small town physician, told her she was crazy, the pain she had was all in her head and gave her Valium to take regularly. But, she kept going back because the pain continually got worse over the years. So the MD sent her to a Psych Dr., who said he agreed with her MD and gave her more paych meds. She finally OD'd and thats when my dad drove her to the Mayo clonic, he said "I didn't marry a crazy woman, she is sick, something is making her sick, please help her". After the extensive surgery, the surgeon walked into the waiting room where my dad was and he was holding a large metal pan. He told my dad, "You were right, your wife was very sick, this is 3 feet of her small intestine we removed, this is what has been making your wife so sick all these years". My dad said it looked like hamburger laying in that metal pan.

After that, my mom did all she could to educate herself about her illness and wellness. So for her to be so sick and not know what was going on was really scarry for me.

She called me on a Wednesday morning, she didn't feel good and wanted me to come over, I talked her into going into the ED, my sister would go with her and they would call me later, as I had worked the night before a needed sleep.

Mom called me about supper time, she said, "they finally figured out what's wrong with me..."

I felt instant relief and in the same breath felt instant terror as she finished by saying, "...my heart is very enlarged".

I was sick.

To make this long story a bit shorter, and to try to get my point across, we ended up at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. A well known cardiac hospital in Minnesota, where we live, in the northern part of the state. Mom got there on friday, and nine days later, she died. My mom lived with a heart the size of a dinner plate, thats no lie, I saw the x-ray, and the silhouette of her heart was enormous. The doctors couldn't believe she was still alive when she came in. She put up with this most of her life, thinking it was probably nothing and she was weak or whining. But, I'll tell you, the nurses who took care of my mom, also had to take care of us, us being me, my dad and five sisters, and some grandchildren and spouses at times throughout that week. We needed care as much as mom did, we were lost, I was a geriatric nurse and really didn't know cardiac very well, either did my family. We are a very close family, and there were no less than 3 of us there around the clock from friday to friday when she had surgery, after surgery, none of us left, or was going to leave until she woke up. She never did recover after surgery and never woke up. She died on Sunday evening, two days after surgery. It was Mothers Day, 1998. The ER and ICU staff were wonderful, eventhough I know it was trying for them to take care of us too. No one ever blew us off, or ignored our requests.

I am now a cardiac nurse on a critical care unit, I know what my patients families are going through, and I am there to help them just as much as the patient. Please, when things seem insignifigant to you, just remember, you are the Nurse, they need you to be understanding, helpful and compassionate. If you can't do something, send someone else. Or tell them, I really can't get that right this second, but as soon as I am finished with this, I will do my best. They will understand if you don't make it back to them, but be honest.

[nuangel1, BSN, RN]

i am sorry for your experience and loss.

[LeahJet, ASN, RN]

Sue, I am sure that most (ER) nurses feel the way I do when I say that I love to take care of people that are truly sick. I will run my feet to nubs taking care of people that really need me.

But, unfortunately, a lot of times it is the ones with "clinic" type of problems that make the most noise and that are the most demanding.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.