Dealing With Aggressive Coworkers

[Mystery5]

I'm new to this forum, as of today. I would like imput on dealing with aggressive personalities.

We have a new per diem nurse where I work. She is also a brand new RN in her forties. She has a very aggressive personality. She hits me on the shoulder when she talks to me, makes announcements as to who will get the next admit, is bossy about whom I should give information to, makes patronizing comments to me, and generally is offensive, abrasive and obnoxious.

I'm quite taken aback by her behaviour and realize that I generally have a hard time with agrressive personalities. I dislike confrontation and generally like to put people at ease. I've had to point out some mistakes to this new gal, because she still has a lot to learn, being a new grad, and I try and do it very gently.

Now, I realize that I'm going to have to somehow establish my authority with this woman. I have a feeling that her behaviour will escalate since she is already so cocky. I'm hoping that she doesn't get an FTE. I spoke to one of the nursing supervisors whom I'm friends with, and she said that others have noticed this and this woman has actually been spoken to by our manager about this tendency to be too aggressive and that she isn't too open to the fact that she has a problem.

Should I confront her next time she tries to boss me around? Theoretically we are professionally equals, but in reality she is a newbie and I'm an established nurse. I was thinking of writing her a note, outlining the problem, since my manager suggested that when I had a problem with one of the CNA's and didn't want to talk face to face. It worked well. My other option would be to speak with her whenever the behaviour occurs. What do you guys think?

[HarryPotter]

Hi. Great letter. It was to the point and you wrote assertively, using the "I" statements. Good luck to ou on Monday.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

Thanks. I'm at work now and things are slow. I delivered the letter to her box. I work with her Monday night, we'll see how that goes.

You actually gave her a letter OMG

Maybe Im to direct a person , when someone or something irks me, I let them know about it right then and there, no holds barred.

[Mystery5]

Well, this gal called me tonight while I was preparing dinner and getting my girls ready for the Christmas Concert at school. She wanted to talk right then, even after I told her it was a bad time. She finally backed off.

I called my nursing supervisor friend. Apparently Laura had blabbed about it to everyone in sight, complaining loudly, and showing my letter. My manager is very sympathetic and sees me as one of many people affected by Laura's behaviour, who took it to the next step. My supervisor friend suggested that I meet with Laura with a third party, such as my manager or the HR gal, who is very skilled at communications.

So, I emailed my manager and she'll probably set something up soon, I'm sure.

[Mystery5]

Well, this gal called me tonight while I was preparing dinner and getting my girls ready for the Christmas Concert at school. She wanted to talk right then, even after I told her it was a bad time. She finally backed off.

I called my nursing supervisor friend. Apparently Laura had blabbed about it to everyone in sight, complaining loudly, and showing my letter. My manager is very sympathetic and sees me as one of many people affected by Laura's behaviour, who took it to the next step. My supervisor friend suggested that I meet with Laura with a third party, such as my manager or the HR gal, who is very skilled at communications.

So, I emailed my manager and she'll probably set something up soon, I'm sure.

[live4today, RN]

Whenever someone irritates another, is rude to another, steps out of bounds with another, and so forth, it is always best to address the problem with the one creating the unwanted behavior.

If confronting the person does not change the situation for the better, then it should be brought to the managers attention so all three of you can sit down and discuss the negative behavior.

I hope things get better for you, and for the one creating the negative chaos. :)

[live4today, RN]

Whenever someone irritates another, is rude to another, steps out of bounds with another, and so forth, it is always best to address the problem with the one creating the unwanted behavior.

If confronting the person does not change the situation for the better, then it should be brought to the managers attention so all three of you can sit down and discuss the negative behavior.

I hope things get better for you, and for the one creating the negative chaos. :)

[Town & Country]

Well not everybody is as comfortable with this as you and when someone insists on touching you without making sure its OK, it is IMO aggressive behavior. It is not fair to trivialize her concerns.

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to trivialize her concerns.

I realize that most people are NOT this way, and that most people would feel the same way the OP does.

That is just me.

I love people who are touchy-feely, but NOT inappropriately, of course. The hitting thing I wouldn't appreciate, either.

But as far as just coming up and starting a neck rub, I'd love it - but I realize I'm in the minority there. Most people don't like that sort of thing, so I do understand where she is coming from!

[Town & Country]

Well not everybody is as comfortable with this as you and when someone insists on touching you without making sure its OK, it is IMO aggressive behavior. It is not fair to trivialize her concerns.

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to trivialize her concerns.

I realize that most people are NOT this way, and that most people would feel the same way the OP does.

That is just me.

I love people who are touchy-feely, but NOT inappropriately, of course. The hitting thing I wouldn't appreciate, either.

But as far as just coming up and starting a neck rub, I'd love it - but I realize I'm in the minority there. Most people don't like that sort of thing, so I do understand where she is coming from!

[mattsmom81]

Well, this gal called me tonight while I was preparing dinner and getting my girls ready for the Christmas Concert at school. She wanted to talk right then, even after I told her it was a bad time. She finally backed off.

I called my nursing supervisor friend. Apparently Laura had blabbed about it to everyone in sight, complaining loudly, and showing my letter. My manager is very sympathetic and sees me as one of many people affected by Laura's behaviour, who took it to the next step. My supervisor friend suggested that I meet with Laura with a third party, such as my manager or the HR gal, who is very skilled at communications.

So, I emailed my manager and she'll probably set something up soon, I'm sure.

I am glad you trust your supervisors and managers and hope they set this right. Laura is making it appear a vendetta originating with YOU. I hope other staff have documented problems with her and your supervisors will keep this line of thinking. I have worked with soooo many people like this through the years and I always wonder how they manage to stick around so long. My hubby has a saying about people like this ...he says 'they must have incriminating pictures'. Good luck to you, good for you for standing up to the woman and I'm in your corner. :)

[mattsmom81]

Well, this gal called me tonight while I was preparing dinner and getting my girls ready for the Christmas Concert at school. She wanted to talk right then, even after I told her it was a bad time. She finally backed off.

I called my nursing supervisor friend. Apparently Laura had blabbed about it to everyone in sight, complaining loudly, and showing my letter. My manager is very sympathetic and sees me as one of many people affected by Laura's behaviour, who took it to the next step. My supervisor friend suggested that I meet with Laura with a third party, such as my manager or the HR gal, who is very skilled at communications.

So, I emailed my manager and she'll probably set something up soon, I'm sure.

I am glad you trust your supervisors and managers and hope they set this right. Laura is making it appear a vendetta originating with YOU. I hope other staff have documented problems with her and your supervisors will keep this line of thinking. I have worked with soooo many people like this through the years and I always wonder how they manage to stick around so long. My hubby has a saying about people like this ...he says 'they must have incriminating pictures'. Good luck to you, good for you for standing up to the woman and I'm in your corner. :)

[Mystery5]

Thanks for all the support here. This forum is great! I'll let you all know what happens next.

I work in a pretty healthy place, I think this will have a good outcome. I've organzed the incidents I want to bring up on a piece of paper for reference. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't already know that there had been a problem, others had complained and management had talked to Laura already, so I'm pretty sure I have their support.

[Mystery5]

Thanks for all the support here. This forum is great! I'll let you all know what happens next.

I work in a pretty healthy place, I think this will have a good outcome. I've organzed the incidents I want to bring up on a piece of paper for reference. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't already know that there had been a problem, others had complained and management had talked to Laura already, so I'm pretty sure I have their support.