Bullies in the workplace - page 6

Being a non-confrontational person I always wondered why I had such difficulty staying in a position for more than 2 years. My usual reason for leaving is a hostile work environment-backstabbers,... Read More

  1. by   H ynnoD
    Thanx for the Info,Nurse Nanna.Don't worry about me I was called by God to be a Nurse and going to persue at all costs.My service manager at work does'nt get along well with most everyone at work except me.I make it a point to start out the Day with a Hey hows it going and it seems to keep him happy and away from Me.I had a thought .When someone starts to Bully You,say hey sounds to me like you need to meet my best Friend Jesus.Either they will be caught off guard and will listen or they will run like Hell.Bet they avoid you after that.Me and my Buddy get a kick out how most people seem to have to leave in a hurry when you mention Jesus's name.Love the Power of that name....Just another Jesus Freak Here!!!!!!
  2. by   mattsmom81
    Donny, I'm sure you mean well, but gotta warn ya, if you push religion in your workplace in nursing, you may find yourself in trouble, as this is considered unprofessional behavior. While we all do have freedom of religion in this country, it is risky professionally to proselytize in the workplace...and it's a big nono in nursing. You will be learning about this in school at some point.

    Now its one thing if a family or coworker specifically asks me to pray with/for them, but I would never do so otherwise. Too risky.
  3. by   Nurse Nanna
    Donny:
    mattsmom81 is absolutely right. You gotta be careful with the Jesus approach. In my earlier posts, you will read that I did mention Jesus and praying for' miss ink pen' and she reported me for pushing religion in her face; I stood up to the accusation because that's not what I did. She was being very ugly - bully- and I called her on it and she was defending her behavior by using the excuse of med problems and not feeling well - Hmm, pretty heavy duty med problem since she'd been a bully ***** for 6 months. Sorry. HaHa - I said, "Oh, ok, well I'm sorry if you have a medical problem and I'll pray for you" and she blew a cork- yelling, "don't you pull that religious **** on me." I told her I had the right to my beliefs and if she didn't believe in JC, then we both knew what her major malfunction was and walked out. Next day, I get called in for "pushing religion in her face" - told my side of the story and that was the end of it. My unit & shift was 100% Christian and we worked wonderfully together - smooth sailing - until we had a floater or relief nurse from one of the other units (we jokingly referred to them as satans disciples and dreaded in all capital letters when we knew one of them was coming over)-It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. We actually had names for some of them. Go to the OT and you'll find most of them there. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills. But, it is great to have all of you to talk to about this 'evil' that we all have to live with. You got a good attitude and I'm sure Jesus will keep you out of hot water if you witness, witness, witness. I, like mattsmom81, have prayed, cried, called Chaplains, Rabbi's, Priests, Pastors, Reverends, whatever patients, residents, or family and friends ask me to do. I have spent many 'volunteer' hours at the bedside of a sick, elderly, and/or dying patient, holding hands with them or family, carrying food, coffee, making calls, giving relief; and have been badmouthed, ridiculed, and counseled for it (all of which I usually invite the opinionated one to "bite me" as you put it. If the Lord tells me to do it, I DO IT and take what falls. YOU GO GUY!!! You reminded me of the verse Romans 8:6 To be spiritually minded is life and peace. Also, Romans 8:28 and Isaiah 40:31 and 53:6 - Write them down and put them in your pocket or wallet. Also carry a copy of "Footprints". When I was working, I carried these little 2x3 scripture cards in my pocket in a clear plastic cover and I had them out every chance I had. You'd be surprised how many patients turn to God when they need strength, comfort, peace, and healing. They love having someone pray for/with them. I also had pages marked in my Bible which I carried with me everywhere. (I only used it when asked-I witness everyday, but I don't push-witnessing is as simple as saying "praise God" or "Thank You Jesus" - and that is something YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO ANYTIME, ANYWHERE - THAT IS YOUR RIGHT AND BELIEF, as long as you don't push a sermon on someone). An unbelieving coworker can report you and you can be called in and asked about it, but if the patient and family back you up, the unbeliever just scored one more point with the devil. If someone does question you about your spiritual beliefs, you DEFEND your rights to have those beliefs. So, you go guy! WITNESS ON! I have a really cute email I got from a friend called: Who Loves Ya Baby? Jesus Does!! John 3:16 It has a white cross and dove and the whole thing flashes like a neon sign, flashing each line on a separate flash. It's great. I wish I knew how to insert it here, I'd send it to you. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You'll be a great nurse.
  4. by   H ynnoD
    Nurse Nanna,have you ever heard of the nurses Bible.I heard some nurses use to carry them in their pockets.Little pocket size Bibles.What a different world nursing seems to be.If someone complained at work that I had tried to talk to them about Jesus,it would be interesting because we have no rules against it.Sorry to get off the subject everyone.There is a thread in the break room called we are Christian nurses,stop by and post some time.Will let everyone get back to the subject of the post.Thanx Nurse Nanna P.S.leaving tomorrow for a week vacation so won't be around,everyone take care and God Bless!
    Last edit by H ynnoD on Jul 23, '03
  5. by   caroladybelle
    Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
    My unit & shift was 100% Christian and we worked wonderfully together - smooth sailing - until we had a floater or relief nurse from one of the other units (we jokingly referred to them as satans disciples and dreaded in all capital letters when we knew one of them was coming over)-It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills. But, it is great to have all of you to talk to about this 'evil' that we all have to live with. You got a good attitude and I'm sure Jesus will keep you out of hot water if you witness, witness, witness. I, like mattsmom81, have prayed, cried, called Chaplains, Rabbi's, Priests, Pastors, Reverends, whatever patients, residents, or family and friends ask me to do.
    So anyone not of your 100% Christian unit & shift or that floats in is satan's disciple and a horned viper to be "endured" and needs to develop "human" skills.

    And I, also, have called Chaplains, Rabbis, Pastors, etal. when called for. I also have prayed with my patients.

    Please PM me your locale, Nurse Nanna, and I will happy not to annoy you with my "horned viper", Satan's Disciple, needs to develop "human skills" non 100% Christian assistance and you will be saved from having to "live with this evil". As if any of the "horned vipers" had a choice in being floated to your unit or really wanted to.

    Talking behind their backs and having inside jokes. This is considered non-Bullying behavior??????

    Shalom,

    Carolina
  6. by   Furball
    Carolina, I agree...That post was very mean...and it was posted by a "Christian"?...I don't think Jesus would appreciate this cruel, bullying behavior done in his name.
  7. by   dawngloves
    Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
    It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. We actually had names for some of them. Go to the OT and you'll find most of them there. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills.


    And you exclude yourself from this catagory because you throw the name of Jesus into the mix every now and again????
  8. by   mattsmom81
    Originally posted by caroladybelle
    So anyone not of your 100% Christian unit & shift or that floats in is satan's disciple and a horned viper to be "endured" and needs to develop "human" skills.

    And I, also, have called Chaplains, Rabbis, Pastors, etal. when called for. I also have prayed with my patients.

    Please PM me your locale, Nurse Nanna, and I will happy not to annoy you with my "horned viper", Satan's Disciple, needs to develop "human skills" non 100% Christian assistance and you will be saved from having to "live with this evil". As if any of the "horned vipers" had a choice in being floated to your unit or really wanted to.

    Talking behind their backs and having inside jokes. This is considered non-Bullying behavior??????

    Shalom,

    Carolina
    Yes, I agree Carolina, that this is totally uncalled for and very UN-Christian to boot. It is one of the reasons so many are put off by religion and Christianity too, unfortunately. Because this kind of "I'm better than nonbelievers' thing can develop.

    I consider myself a spiritual person, but I don't attend to my patients' spiritual needs because I must 'witness witness witness ' in order to be 'protected', I minister to them because I am bound by my BON to attend to their spiritual needs, whatever they may be. There IS a difference. I am constantly amazed by how some 'Christians' think.

    Nanna, with all due respect please reread your post and recognize how it puts people off to our faith...
  9. by   Spidey's mom
    Regarding NurseNaNa's post . . . seems deliberately/purposely worded to sound controversial . . . .

    Let's not bite, shall we?
  10. by   Zinnia
    I feel fortunate that I work with a very professional group of nurses. We have found that we need each other too much to try pushing each others buttons. I have noticed how the more senior nurses will 'grill' a younger nurse during report. Even me, sometimes, I have to say, "I don't know what their admission K+ was, but it is 3.8 this morning". "I don't know" doesn't make you a bad nurse, just an honest one.
  11. by   Nurse Nanna
    caroladybelle, furball, and dawngloves:
    First of all, let me say that I'm sure you all "feel" you have a good reason for being so "angry." I appreciate and respect your feelings, comments and feedback. It gives me some insight into the full "picture" of our topic and your comments will be looked at with serious consideration. This is a discussion post between people who have been "bullied" at work for LONG periods of time, and they have exhausted all means of resolving the problem to no avail. This particular post is for people to "vent" and "share" their frustration and coping skills on how they deal with the situation. We have discussed and considered alternatives on how to deal with the "bully", "harrasser", "abuser", in the workplace. Although none of us are perfect, we can and do come up with ideas and turn to our Lord Jesus Christ to "help" us get through it and hopefully not lash out, but rather to "cope" sanely and effectively. Sometimes, when you are at the end of your rope and NOTHING has helped, "joking" is the only way to cope. Nobody said it is right or wrong, but what is done covertly between coworkers to "cope" with a horrible person is not necessarily "bullying". It is "coping". If you all KNOW Jesus Christ, then you know, He did have quite a sense of humor. Look around us ladies, and tell me He doesn't have a great sense of humor and "unconditional love" for us. Now, I will try to intelligently and professionally respond to your responses.
    Obviously the three of you have not "read" and "fully understand" the past week of conversation between the ones of us who were having this conversation. You obviously heard what you wanted to hear and interpreted 'parts' of one "single" post the way you wanted to interpret it. Obviously you also do not truly KNOW Jesus Christ or you would know that NONE OF US are perfect, nor are we expected to be; He was, is, and will always be The Only Perfect One--that IS why He died for us (our sins). We can only 'try' to do good all the time and when we fail, we ask His forgiveness and attempt not to make the same mistakes again. Sometimes, we develop coping skills to deal with an unbearable and unresolvable situation. Each of us that DO have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ have to deal with our own flaws and imperfections with Him, not answer to anyone else, Christian or non-Christian. You are all adults AND nurses who, fortuntely, have not had to endure the enormous bullying, physical abuse, and hell that some of us have. Now I will try to address each of your responses separately:
    caroladybelle: What I said "One of these" -- You translated to "ANYONE not of your 100% Christian unit & Shift or that floats" - That is NOT what I said and that is a gross mistranslation. (If you had read all the previous posts I described the floater or relief at that particular facility-it did not mention names, or the state, or say that ALL reliefs or floaters were included. This did not say anything about "you", but for some reason 'you' took it personally and are obviously extremely "ANGRY!" You described yourself in the "non-Christian, viper, etc." category. Please RE-READ your large paragraph. Maybe that is the cause for your 'anger'. A person can be a 'non-Christian' and still be a wonderful nurse, co-worker and friend, without being a BULLY. I have many, many, non-Christian friends, family, acquaintances, and coworkers, and I RESPECT their decision. Were did you see "talking behind their backs"? Another mistranslation. Holding a unit meeting, per the DON and Administrator recommendation, to openly discuss and attempt to come to some type of resolve and/or coping mechanism to get through a shift when we HAD to deal with some of these folks is not "talking behind their backs". When a charge nurse has to inform her nursing staff that "the facility bully" is being sent over to work with them and they all sigh and roll their eyes it can be pretty demoralizing for everyone for the shift. You HAVE to come up with something to keep them motivated and in good morale. Can you tell me that you would be "happy" to know you are going to be working your shift on your unit with a nurse who literally "jerks" things out of your hands; "throws ink pens, med packages, bandages or whatever is handy" at you; calls you names like "stupid ass", "freakin' idiot", "little *****"; slams doors going into or out of a room; literally 'throws' patient charts, medicine logs, and notebooks on the desk, verbally abuses your aides and patients, and tells you how "you didn't have the right, the seniority, or the experience to have this position." And continue to be nice to them. I tried for several months to talk to this nurse, but she was so 'angry' at me because in her own words: "you got MY dam job and I'm sick of floating all over this 'hellhole' and pushing pills and you walk in here and take over." Then I went to the manager, the DON, and the Administrator and attempted to resolve the problem she had and she sat there everytime, popped an eyebrow and said, "I don't know what she's talking about; I never said that." I told her "Look, you are angry everytime you have to work with us and you throw things, which is dangerous for all of us, especially the patients, and you get physically aggressive with me and my staff. We need to resolve this. I offered to the manager and to the DON with her sitting there that "position" was not important to me, I accepted it because it was offered - I originally said I didn't think I was ready and they both insisted I could handle it. The DON asked her "Would that make you happy if ***** resigned from that position? Because you and I both know why you can't hold that position or any position of authority. Is that the issue here? I need to have an answer. If you don't like going to that unit, why do you REQUEST it?" (she doesn't HAVE to come, she REQUESTS it) She said "No, I have no idea what she's talking about and I don't appreciate what you just said." and she walked out. The behavior continued every time she came to our unit. She told new nurses coming to the facility to "Watch out for her, she's a DOG!" She denies, no action can be taken. That, caroladybelle, in anybody's book, is a monster. She doesn't want resolve, she wants to make everybody's life miserable because apparently she did something wrong somewhere. It's none of my business and I have NEVER until right now even repeated that conversation. Nobody EXCEPT Jesus could endure that working environment. Coping skill: know she's coming, laugh it off, and tell the staff, "well, ***** is coming over to work with us tonight so put on your armor and halos and carry a fat Bible. Be sure to Thank her for helping us out. HaHa. Sorry you don't get the humor. It is a bit difficult to re-explain every detail of every post in an ongoing situation. But there is one new example of "life on the floor with a bully." Now, tell me 'who is bullying whom?' As far as "Alligator mouth/humingbird butt" - that's a good one, did you make that up all by yourself or is it plagiarized? And, exactly what does it mean? I kind of like it. STICKS AND STONES.....Now who's the bully? We are all listening if you have a solution-but please, only offer advice and suggestions if you have first hand experience with the problem.
    Furball:
    Mean? Obviously, you too read, mistranslated, and responded to a "piece" of a post that you were not "well informed" on. MEAN? Take it how you want it, but "You don't get to have an opinion about MY personal relationship with Jesus Christ; that's strictly between Him and me." And, forgive me if I'm a little confused here, but what does your 'political affiliation' have to do with this topic? I have two children who are active duty USMC officers, one child who is USMC retired and one child who is USN retired. One of my sons served 'active duty' in both of the Gulf Wars. I APPRECIATE your support of the military-after all, they do protect all of America from Bullies and Monsters, and all the adjectives used world wide, but what does your personal political affiliation have to do with someone being made miserable at work?
    You can read the response to caroladybelle and please respond on how you might handle the situation described? There are a lot of people out there begging for help. We're listening and totally open to suggestions. But, please, only offer your "informed, experienced, advice." If you ain't been there, done that, then-you don't know."
    dawngloves:
    I'm assuming, (and they say NEVER ASSUME), that you work maternity/nursery? I haven't heard complaints from any nurses from maternity or nursery about "bullies". Maybe it's a different environment. I've never worked that field, so I really don't know. But, please read the responses to caroladybelle and furball and any previous posts from the past week r/t this subject of "bullies in the workplace." It isn't just nursing, bullies are out there, including on our school grounds. You referred to Matthew 6:34at the end of your post, but I'm concerned whether you are "truly" knowledgable of The Bible, or "Human Psychology", which is even more frightening since you ARE a nurse. You need to "look at and assess the whole picture" before making a diagnosis or offering an opinion or submitting a report. You did not "look at the whole picture." Please read ALL the posts r/t this topic-it is not about one isolated incident or one isolated person; this is a serious, ongoing thing-bullying. You made the comment: "And you exclude yourself from this category" - (what category? it was a long post and the topic has been discussed over a week or better in several posts)-Don't get me wrong, I Appreciate AND Respect your response, I just need some clarification on exactly which part 'you' took so personally so I can intelligently and professionally respond to it. You go on to say, "because you throw the name of Jesus into the 'mix'(?) every now and again????" Um, no, and that one I Don't Explain To You; my PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST is just that, MINE AND PERSONAL! And if you are a Christian, then you already know that, and you DON'T get to be the JUDGE. He and He alone is My Redeemer.
  12. by   kdo6905
    Can we all agree that bullying, backstabbing and gossiping happens in nursing because it is dominated by women? It's like a big hen house. And I agree, it occurs in all workplaces. Not just in nursing. It's a woman thang, not just a nursing thang.
  13. by   Nurse Ratched
    First of all, NurseNanna, people have signature lines that appear at the end of every one of their posts. They are not directed at you personally. They appear below the solid line at the bottom of the post.

    Second, everyone, please let's not turn this into a religious discussion. Attacking posts will not be tolerated, and that's the only way a "my religion is better than your religion" discussion ever seems to go. Please return to the topic at hand. Off topic stuff can go to pm, but I remind everyone that pm's may not be abusive or harrassing in nature.

    This has been a useful thread for some people. Let's not make it something nasty that has to be pulled.

    Thanks.

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