Bullies in the workplace

Mira · Jul 21, 2003

Thinking that bullies got insecurities in life,praising them the way they look gives a good psychological effect.I have develop a skill on cold treatment-once they`ve done something nasty,I make sure they will receive a very cold treatment,I don`t talk to them because I`m waiting for a good timing,once I knew that there are people who hates them,that`s the time I talk back with an impact-usually scripted,most of them get shocked because I am typically a quiet person.I realised the one that makes me powerless or victim of the bullies is myself that`s why my mantra now is"I am not subordinate to anyone but to God and to myself,I will not stoop down to the level of this insecure people,I can do better by ignoring them,and I have to make sure they don`t have the power over me".

mattsmom81 · Jul 22, 2003

I believe that facilities will not take bullying from coworkers, managers, doctors, and patients/family seriously until they have to defend against lawsuits. Lawsuits filed by nurses: claiming 'hostile work environments." I can't think of a better description of my workplace..."nurse hostile."

We should document document document and ask for action; every time we are harassed for simply trying to doing our job. On a nightly basis I see harassment by doctors, patients, family or dysfunctional coworkers. What I find amazing is that so many nurses blow it off and accept it. I have a healthier self esteem apparently.....it gets to me.

What generally happens to nurses who stand up and demand satisfaction from managers is they are dubbed 'bad attitudes' and 'troublemakers' and then dirt is slowly collected on them. They are too often run off. We must start to fight back, IMHO.

During my experience with the corporate bully with her cohort bully buddies, 3 supervisors resigned while watching what the bully was doing to me. They agreed with me privately what was going on, and said they had endured it too, and couldn't hack it anymore. But...would any of them speak up to the DON? NO. Did any of them TELL the DON why they were leaving? NO. They used generic reasons to avoid being troublemakers. I had to go it alone. Tis is a problem in nursing...we don't stick together when it counts.

Maybe this will change someday.

Nurse Nanna · Jul 22, 2003

LauraLou

You are absolutely right. There should be a "no tolerance" approach to bullying and harrassment of 'any kind' such as there is for the 'sexual harrassment', which is another whole problem of its own. Bullying does make and 8, 12, or 16 hour shift about the most miserable, incrediby long day anyone could imagine. I have worked doubles as many as 6 days straight and then some 8's and 12's in there, going as many as 12 days without a day off; the job of nursing is extremely hard work, especially if you're a loving and caring person, but you can somehow get yourself through it with a supportive staff that works well together. It's kind of like natural childbirth, once the push is done, you look back and it didn't seem so bad; the end result was well worth the labor. But, you do one little 8 hour shift with a bully up your tail, and it feels like it will never end and when it's over and you know by looking at the schedule that tomorrow will be the same old long tedious grind, it makes for a miserable few hours off because you can't help but dread it. I'd rather work 64 hours in a 6 day period without the bully than to do a 5 day 40 hours with one. The emotional, mental, and physical stress the bully causes

another coworker should be a darn good case for a law suit. Headaches, nerves and stress, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, and not to mention, when you know you have someone dogging you just waiting for you to do something they can nail you for, you are definitely going to make a mistake-and that's when it becomes dangerous for the patient. And that, is when the managers, directors, and other admins should be on their toes and putting a stop to it. We have such a world wide shortage of nurses, you'd think when a new nurse came through the door, someone would grab them and treat them like little gold nuggets-polish and shine and care for them like the precious commodity they are; not discourage and bully and dog them to death until they either transfer, go somewhere else altogether or quit nursing completely. In my 5 years on the East Coast, I've seen two brand new nurses, (honor students) walk out and say "forget this, I just wasted a bunch of time and money in nursing school." One nurse went back to her old job (?retail I think) and one went back to school for Business Admin I think she said. What a gross miscarriage of their rights--both of these nurses complained to their charge nurses, supervisors, managers,- no response." My final complaint and reason for resigning at the first facility was "hostile work environment in which the powers that be choose to allow it to continue." I am one who sends copies to everybody in the organization. I did not get even one response from anybody. Maybe if enough of us get out there and start "watchdogging the bullies" we can create a 'national alert' to this thing. Hang in there and take care of you. Tell it straight up and to the point and don't back down.

H ynnoD · Jul 22, 2003

Are these Bullies that you all have been talking about,supervisors or just other nurses ,maybe on the same level as You?

Nurse Nanna · Jul 22, 2003

Donny

Bullies are on all levels. I have experienced bullying from people below rank, at rank, and above rank. Sometimes, because they have been "around" longer, they think they have seniority or "rank" over a new coworker even if she/he has had more education and has a higher degree of education. I agree that new nurses can learn a lot from lower ranking nurses that have been around for a while, but it is also true of the older nurses being able to learn from newer ones because of constant new technology being taught in the schools that sometimes get missed in the workplace. I had one mentor that had been nursing over 30 years and I was 2 years out of nursing school; I went to her and said, you know, the procedure manual says -------and the way we were taught was ------- and that's the way I've always done it and now **** just jumped all over me because that isn't the way we do it here. I'm confused; am I supposed to go the the procedure manual for every single procedure before I do it and be sure it's exactly according to the manual?" She looked in the manual - the particular procedure in question-it hadn't been updated since 19**. Anyway, little miss jump on you was the person responsible for the manual updates and apparently had gotten behind at some point and the pages never got put in the book. The Asst. Mgr I went to remembered a workshop a couple of years before that had changed the way the procedure was done; so, I got a pat on the back and the Mgr had a meeting and stated, apparently we've been doing this incorrectly for a couple of years now and ***** brought us the new procedure, so maybe all of you CAN learn something from these new nurses. Well, I was dirt for a while, but that's ok. The patient got the procedure performed correctly and miss watchdog got caught in her own BS. She had to go through all the procedure manuals and update them-of course she asked for help and I said, "sorry, I have an appointment, I can't stay over today." She was the same degree as me, but she had been there for about ever. She, by the way, is one of the Biggest Bullies I have run across in 5 years. But I finally took her head on and she learned to leave me the hell alone. Almost 3 years on that unit and I quit to go back to school.

But, to answer your question, you have the bullies on ALL levels. These folks either "are old buds" or get to be "buds" with managers and/or administrators and then it is hell to pay because they think they got the "inside." I had one manager who constantly harrassed me and called me at home cursing about things and I finally reported her. She denied it; I offered to bring in taped messages she had left on my answering machine and the DON said, "That isn't necessary, you two can work together, I've seen you do a wonderful job together. Now go back to work and stop this silliness." We stepped out of the DON's office and got back on our unit and the manager said "I need to talk to you" and we went in her office. She said "Now you see what I meant when I told you before that me and Ms. **** are like this (and did the crossed tight finger thing). You tell her anything you want and I'll deny it. She'll believe me. Hell, we go to lunch and everything, we are close. Report me again and I CAN and WILL make your life hell." I said "You already have, but that CAN and WILL go both ways." I walked out of her office with her yelling "Don't you dare walk out on me, I'm not finished with you yet!" I yelled back "As a matter of fact, yes you are; the conversation is over, and Ms. **** also answers to somebody you know. And you both answer to the Board of Nursing. I have answering machine tapes AND everytime you call me you can bet your butt every word will be recorded!!" She was cold as ice for several days and then calmed down, but she never called me at home with her ugly mouth anymore. That is the kind of stuff that is just plain nasty nonsense and makes your life and your job miserable. I don't know how these people get so ugly and hateful and how they can go home at night and live with themselves, but good grief, they all need to STOP!!

You know, a bully is a lot like a wife beater; they continue until someone hits back and then it's such a shock to them, they act almost indignant and get "defensive" - "What did I do?" Um, besides being a jerk? Hang in there and take care. Don't give up nursing school Donny. As you know, there are bullies everywhere, not just in nursing. We all grew up with bullies on the playground; once someone stands up to them, they move on. Just do it calmly and professionally and with plenty of witnesses so you got your butt covered when they run crying about it - because they will and they do. They are always the 'innocent' one.

H ynnoD · Jul 22, 2003

:) Thanx for the Info,Nurse Nanna.Don't worry about me I was called by God to be a Nurse and going to persue at all costs.My service manager at work does'nt get along well with most everyone at work except me.I make it a point to start out the Day with a Hey hows it going and it seems to keep him happy and away from Me.I had a thought .When someone starts to Bully You,say hey sounds to me like you need to meet my best Friend Jesus.Either they will be caught off guard and will listen or they will run like Hell.Bet they avoid you after that.Me and my Buddy get a kick out how most people seem to have to leave in a hurry when you mention Jesus's name.Love the Power of that name....Just another Jesus Freak Here!!!!!!

mattsmom81 · Jul 22, 2003

Donny, I'm sure you mean well, but gotta warn ya, if you push religion in your workplace in nursing, you may find yourself in trouble, as this is considered unprofessional behavior. While we all do have freedom of religion in this country, it is risky professionally to proselytize in the workplace...and it's a big nono in nursing. You will be learning about this in school at some point.

Now its one thing if a family or coworker specifically asks me to pray with/for them, but I would never do so otherwise. Too risky.

Nurse Nanna · Jul 22, 2003

Donny:

mattsmom81 is absolutely right. You gotta be careful with the Jesus approach. In my earlier posts, you will read that I did mention Jesus and praying for' miss ink pen' and she reported me for pushing religion in her face; I stood up to the accusation because that's not what I did. She was being very ugly - bully- and I called her on it and she was defending her behavior by using the excuse of med problems and not feeling well - Hmm, pretty heavy duty med problem since she'd been a bully ***** for 6 months. Sorry. HaHa - I said, "Oh, ok, well I'm sorry if you have a medical problem and I'll pray for you" and she blew a cork- yelling, "don't you pull that religious shit on me." I told her I had the right to my beliefs and if she didn't believe in JC, then we both knew what her major malfunction was and walked out. Next day, I get called in for "pushing religion in her face" - told my side of the story and that was the end of it. My unit & shift was 100% Christian and we worked wonderfully together - smooth sailing - until we had a floater or relief nurse from one of the other units (we jokingly referred to them as satans disciples and dreaded in all capital letters when we knew one of them was coming over)-It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. We actually had names for some of them. Go to the OT and you'll find most of them there. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills. But, it is great to have all of you to talk to about this 'evil' that we all have to live with. You got a good attitude and I'm sure Jesus will keep you out of hot water if you witness, witness, witness. I, like mattsmom81, have prayed, cried, called Chaplains, Rabbi's, Priests, Pastors, Reverends, whatever patients, residents, or family and friends ask me to do. I have spent many 'volunteer' hours at the bedside of a sick, elderly, and/or dying patient, holding hands with them or family, carrying food, coffee, making calls, giving relief; and have been badmouthed, ridiculed, and counseled for it (all of which I usually invite the opinionated one to "bite me" as you put it. If the Lord tells me to do it, I DO IT and take what falls. YOU GO GUY!!! You reminded me of the verse Romans 8:6 To be spiritually minded is life and peace. Also, Romans 8:28 and Isaiah 40:31 and 53:6 - Write them down and put them in your pocket or wallet. Also carry a copy of "Footprints". When I was working, I carried these little 2x3 scripture cards in my pocket in a clear plastic cover and I had them out every chance I had. You'd be surprised how many patients turn to God when they need strength, comfort, peace, and healing. They love having someone pray for/with them. I also had pages marked in my Bible which I carried with me everywhere. (I only used it when asked-I witness everyday, but I don't push-witnessing is as simple as saying "praise God" or "Thank You Jesus" - and that is something YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO ANYTIME, ANYWHERE - THAT IS YOUR RIGHT AND BELIEF, as long as you don't push a sermon on someone). An unbelieving coworker can report you and you can be called in and asked about it, but if the patient and family back you up, the unbeliever just scored one more point with the devil. If someone does question you about your spiritual beliefs, you DEFEND your rights to have those beliefs. So, you go guy! WITNESS ON! I have a really cute email I got from a friend called: Who Loves Ya Baby? Jesus Does!! John 3:16 It has a white cross and dove and the whole thing flashes like a neon sign, flashing each line on a separate flash. It's great. I wish I knew how to insert it here, I'd send it to you. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You'll be a great nurse.

H ynnoD · Jul 23, 2003

:) Nurse Nanna,have you ever heard of the nurses Bible.I heard some nurses use to carry them in their pockets.Little pocket size Bibles.What a different world nursing seems to be.If someone complained at work that I had tried to talk to them about Jesus,it would be interesting because we have no rules against it.Sorry to get off the subject everyone.There is a thread in the break room called we are Christian nurses,stop by and post some time.Will let everyone get back to the subject of the post.Thanx Nurse Nanna P.S.leaving tomorrow for a week vacation so won't be around,everyone take care and God Bless!

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2003

Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
My unit & shift was 100% Christian and we worked wonderfully together - smooth sailing - until we had a floater or relief nurse from one of the other units (we jokingly referred to them as satans disciples and dreaded in all capital letters when we knew one of them was coming over)-It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills. But, it is great to have all of you to talk to about this 'evil' that we all have to live with. You got a good attitude and I'm sure Jesus will keep you out of hot water if you witness, witness, witness. I, like mattsmom81, have prayed, cried, called Chaplains, Rabbi's, Priests, Pastors, Reverends, whatever patients, residents, or family and friends ask me to do.

So anyone not of your 100% Christian unit & shift or that floats in is satan's disciple and a horned viper to be "endured" and needs to develop "human" skills.

And I, also, have called Chaplains, Rabbis, Pastors, etal. when called for. I also have prayed with my patients.

Please PM me your locale, Nurse Nanna, and I will happy not to annoy you with my "horned viper", Satan's Disciple, needs to develop "human skills" non 100% Christian assistance and you will be saved from having to "live with this evil". As if any of the "horned vipers" had a choice in being floated to your unit or really wanted to.

Talking behind their backs and having inside jokes. This is considered non-Bullying behavior??????

Shalom,

Carolina

Furball · Jul 23, 2003

Carolina, I agree...That post was very mean...and it was posted by a "Christian"?...I don't think Jesus would appreciate this cruel, bullying behavior done in his name.

dawngloves, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2003

Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
It got to be an inside thing that kept us going when we had to "endure" one of these horned vipers. We actually had names for some of them. Go to the OT and you'll find most of them there. Oh, you can get through it, and you can laugh at it; but the bottom line is, you shouldn't have to 'develop' coping skills to get through the shift - the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks should have to be the ones to develop 'human' skills.

And you exclude yourself from this catagory because you throw the name of Jesus into the mix every now and again???? :eek: